


That’s Not Who I Am

by melonjuice



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Drama, Heavy Angst, Humour, Internalized Homophobia, Jealous Mark, Love Triangle, M/M, Panic Attacks, Pining, Whipped mark lee, endgame markhyuck, johnten, markhyuck, non-au, renmin, taeten - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2019-08-26 16:03:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 40,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16684735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melonjuice/pseuds/melonjuice
Summary: Mark finds himself to be enjoying Haechan’s company a little more lately, and he doesn’t like the meaning of it at all.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> OOmph i love me some markhyuck angst :)) also aaa im sorry i cant write for shit ;-;;;;; its been so long since i got back on writing;;;;;; also this chapter is more like an intro to everything sot here wont be much to look forward to ;;; ill try to update weekly tho!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaa i proofread and edited this chap a few times only so im not sure if theres still mistakes;;

 

“What the hell are you guys doing?!”

 

The door to the practice room swings open, a piercing thud echoing throughout the room as it swung back enough to hit the wall.

 

Chenle, Jisung, Renjun, and Jeno, jumped at the deafening sound of it all. Even with the large space of the room, they stuck together in a corner, while the two dominated the center.

 

Johnny and Taeyong marched over to Mark and Donghyuck, producing an intimidating stomp every time they took a step forward.

 

Before Mark and Donghyuck could react to their sudden appearance, they were suddenly being held back by strong, persistent arms, but they both stubbornly struggled and thrashed against their hold, screaming whatever insult that came to their mind.

 

”You piece of utter shit! Hyung, let me go! Fuck!”

 

 

Donghyuck had screamed from the other end of the room as he flailed his arms everywhere while pushing against Taeyong’s arms with his upper body, his legs desperately trying to move towards Mark.

 

Taeyong yelled for the Dream members to get out of the practice room quickly, to which they flinched but obeyed, leaving the room one after another.

 

In Mark’s case, he was growling like a wild animal,  gritting his teeth like there was no tomorrow, biting back his tongue that had a lot to say to the younger one.

 

If Taeyong’s rustled hair wasn’t covering Donghyuck’s face, he would’ve gone wild against Johnny’s embrace.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

“Mark, tell me. Explain. You’re lucky that we were the ones who came, and not any of the staff.”

 

Johnny stared Mark down with a glare that could kill, a contrast to how laid-back he usually was. He sat across a plain white table, his hands clasped together in a commanding way, his body language exuding disappointment.

 

But Mark was fuming. He’d never been so angry that he’d turn so stubborn. Such a chilling stare and threatening gesture would be enough to make him whimper, but he chose not to show any signs of fear or concern, he wanted to convey the message of 'Leave me alone'.

 

It started with a little argument, the usual bickering that would last a few minutes, but something about Mark's words caused Donghyuck’s sharp tongue to go overdrive, making the conflict so heated that before he knew it, they were yelling at each other with clenched fists.

 

At first Renjun and Jeno  tried to interfere, getting the signal that something was off, and that something needed urgent fixing, but they were so engrossed in raising each other's voices at one another, that Mark absent-mindedly shoved them away with too much force.

 

Chenle and Jisung were quick to react and ran to them and as the yelling got louder and more aggressive, they watched helplessly as they turned to shoving each other, and soon enough, being full on physical. Fearful, helpless eyes plastered on their figures.

 

It just so happened that Johnny and Taeyong were upstairs and came as soon as the noise became too loud to bear with.

 

 

”Look, if you don’t tell me what the hell just happened and why we came in on you two literally clawing on each other’s necks, then you’d be the one who has to face the manager.”

 

Johnny paused to look at the bruises and scratches on Mark’s face, examining the way he didn’t make any eye contact at all and how he was leaking anger, even when all he was doing was stare blankly at the wall next to him, refusing to use his mouth to comminucate.

 

He only sighed and continued on, like a sign of defeat. He really had no interest in dealing with an angsty teen like Mark.

 

”You do know that there’s  cameras in the room right? They’ll check all the footage tomorrow morning. Unless you tell me, I won’t be able to defend you.”

 

Mark finally looked up at Johnny’s statement, which sounded like a death threat to him. His expression finally softens, but in anxiety. His eyebrows knitted in a slanted manner, displaying his fear in the open.

 

He would hate to face the manager’s wrath, especially with the way the fight turned out and how his face wasn’t so idol-like, with all the purple bruises and red scratches that splattered everywhere.

 

”Fine.”

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

They met at the age of 12 and 13, and they’re currently about 17 and 18,  they practically grew up together. It was a known fact that the two always had a close bond.

 

Meaning that Donghyuck was easily the top in Mark’s list of friends, despite how different and contrasting their personalities may seem, with Donghyuck annoying Mark in every way possible.

 

Even though his mischievious attitude and sharp tongue might rub him off the wrong way sometimes, he still brought  comfort to Mark. One that no one could ever replace as Mark thought one night, when he couldn’t sleep so he thought about Donghyuck instead.

 

 

The fight’s really taken a toll on them. Actually, not just them, but even those around them, as it’s already been several days.

 

 

With how big both their egos are, they vowed to never be the one who apologises first, no matter how long it takes, and they seemed to be taking that way too seriously.

 

 

After the manager scolded them - a little more lightly because of Johnny acting as their defendant - they didn’t bat an eye at each other and left the room without saying even a whisper.

 

Donghyuck actively took part in avoiding Mark like the plague, subtlely in public, but painfully blunt to Mark and the Dreamies, to the point that it got way too awkward for Mark to interact with the younger bunch.

 

They were currently promoting for ‘We Young’ , a new song that was released only a week ago, which meant that they only have a few more perfomances and shows to go before they go on a small hiatus again.

 

 Checking mics, adjusting outfits, styling hair, testing stage equipment, the usual routine before a stage performance. Except for one thing that seemed to be missing, one very crucial thing before they go on stage. The type of item that would encourage them to do their best; A team cheer.  

 

Chenle couldn’t help but to glance over at Mark, their leader, every now and then as they prepared, and when their time to go on stage draws even nearer, Jisung and the other members started joining Chenle in staring at Mark in anticipation.

 

But Mark was too busy trying to avoid Donghyuck and seem like he doesn’t care about his actions, that  actually caused an itch inside him. The way he could just walk past Mark like he was a ghost and strike up a ‘hilarious’ conversation with Jeno, and how he could effortlessly rehearse his parts with no problem, it all just seemed too natural.

 

They went without a team cheer, to which Renjun clicked his tongue in frustration, as if he was trying to curse Mark’s pettiness.

 

Moving into their positions, Mark notices how close Donghyuck was to his own, the space between him and Jeno being a little too small and for some reason, he was burning with anger once again.

 

Forgetting that there were fans below them, watching their every move, he boldly pushes past Jeno and confronts Donghyuck with a bitter face.

 

”What do you think you’re doing? This is my place. Don’t mess things up.”

 

Donghyuck had already worn a disgusted frown as soon as he heard Mark’s voice, he looked back at Mark with half-lidded, unamused  eyes as he retorts.

 

“What the hell is your problem? Your space is right there-“

 

Fortunately for Mark, the music started all of sudden causing Donghyuck to shut up immediately, his smile coming naturally to fit the concept of the song, dancing cheerily, saving Mark from another fight.

 

He watched as Donghyuck sings his parts and dances as if nothing happened and as if he was the happiest he had ever been in that moment, and it made the little hairs on his back stand upright.

 

Deep inside Mark, he really missed that glowing smile and outgoing personality of his, and wished for them to be directed at him again. He tilted his head to the side quickly, brushing off that thought as he remembered that he would rather drink sewage than apologise first.

 

 

 

-

 

 

“Johnny, I hate this so much.”

 

Mark groaned, hitting his head back to look at the bright ceiling of the dreadful practice room. Of course, there was nothing special, other than the familiar lights and the pure white wall, clean from any dirt due to its height.

 

He leaned his body against the mirror, despite the many reminders from his coach that he should not do so, as they would get dirty and would cause the cleaners a hard time.

 

On the other hand, Johnny was wiping sweat from his neck with a cutesy, dog-patterned towel that he reluctantly accepted from Ten. 

 

_It’s nice that he’s putting something like that to good use._

 

But it was to be expected, Mark thought,  stopping himself before Johnny gains the ability read minds.

 

”Did Hyuck do something today?”

 

He scrunched his nose at the mention of his current so-called enemy. He turns his head down again, not wanting to get a sore neck, facing the waxed concrete floor of the room this time.

 

“He keeps hanging out with Chenle and all, laughing and hitting them playfully as if nothing happened. Yesterday he went out the dorm all dressed up with Jeno!”

 

His eyes turn droopy and a little watery as he thinks about what he was going to say next, which undoubtedly was the cause of his worries.

 

”...Is he trying to make them side with him? I don’t want them to hate me... I really love the Dreamies a lot.”

 

He could feel Johnny look at him, using his crossed arms to hide his face, with a pitiful look as he reaches out and pats Mark’s back once.

 

”Is that really what you should be worrying about right now? Actually, are you _really_ worried about something like that?“

 

Johnny said, a little bit of a mocking tone was hiding in his words, which caused Mark to go full defense on him, somehow feeling a little embarrassed.

 

”What else am  I  supposed to worry about!? Ah, seriously... “

 

He backs down right after, returning to his previous state of being sentimental and worried.

 

“It’s just that he keeps being much more friendly and affectionate to them, y’know? Hugging them, teasing them less and cheering them on more while I’m being avoided...”

 

”But, it’s expected because I’m also avoiding him! I don’t want him to feel the superiority when I apologise first, I mean, he was in the wrong not me.”

 

He looks over at Johnny, carefully checking his expression as he was more than embarrassed for spilling everything out. Johnny was an adult. He probably thought Mark’s ramblings were stupid and silly.

 

Mark braced himself for a neverending session of teasing from Johnny, like being made fun of, getting called humiliating names, just like what Donghyuck does.

 

But Mark didn’t really mind that, because  Donghyuck would actually listen to him patiently and only do those things to cheer him up and keep his mind off his problems.

 

Though, this time, it wasn’t Donghyuck, but he quickly bottled away those thoughts as soon as they came out, as flustered as he became for having them in the first place.

 

”You know, you seem... Actually nevermind. Don’t worry about it too much. It’ll be solved soon.”

 

He interrupted himself, turning silent for a few seconds, looking up even though there was nothing really to look at, rethinking his words and choosing the right thing to say at that moment.

 

Despite Mark’s expectations, he only gave him a half-hearted smile as he stood up and ruffled the younger’s hair. He seemed like he wanted to say something, but refrained, much to Mark’s dismay.

 

_But this is better than being mocked by that guy._

 

Mark thought, his eyes stuck on Johnny’s back as he picked up his bag and left the room with Mark and his messy hair. For some reason he felt like he was telling a lie in his mind.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

There they go again. 

 

Seriously, do they have to so all up in each other’s face all the time? Even during practice?

 

This time, Donghyuck whispers something into Renjun’s ear, and as soon as Renjun processed whatever he said, they burst out laughing like they had a few screws loose.

 

Renjun was laughing so hard that he threw his body towards Donghyuck’s, to which the other responded by pushing him back. Hidden under their bodies were their hands which seemed to have found each other, interwining tightly in a sweet manner.

 

Mark hated such a sight. He grimaced in utter disgust and disbelief. He was boiling inside again and his clenched fists was so tight that he could tell that his veins were popping and that his nails were digging into his palm too deeply.

 

He wasn’t even listening to Chenle’s ramblings anymore, who was showing him something on his phone that looked so interesting, but for Mark, he was just staring at the two who were like a newly-wed couple.

 

Maybe his instincts were right, that they were scheming something together, and they were probably laughing at Mark and whispering about it.

 

But something about that thought didn’t feel right, and again, it felt like he was lying.

 

To who, though?

 

 Their laughter died down to giggling and eventually just exasperated pants. Renjun removes his hand and stood up to stretch, making some inhumane sound that made everyone in the room giggle, but Mark pursed his lips and tried not to let a chuckle come out, he eventually gave in though.

 

"I need to visit Jaemin again today, so I'll leave first."

 

He walked over to his bag, his feet lazily sliding across the floor. Everyone jokingly cheered for his leave, to which Renjun responded with slapping each one of them, but not too hard because as much he would hate to admit, he treasured them too much to actually hit them.

 

"Bye~ Ah, Hyuckie, I'll meet you later. We agreed on shopping together, right?"

 

_Hyuckie?_

 

Mark stopped snickering, his lips formed a frown in raw repulsion. No one, literally no one in the whole NCT 2018 group called Donghyuck that nickname, well, until then. 'Hyuck' was common among the older members, but 'Hyuckie'? He grimaced at the thought of it sounding like a pet name.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

”Yep. I was right. I knew it.”

 

 

They were back in the practice room at midnight, due to Mark’s request that was “urgent”. He had wanted to dance his frustrations away and to use the time to also polish his moves.

 

Luckily for Mark, Johnny had the soul of a loving father and obligued, despite not being able to open his eyes wider than a squint. Voice still raspy from his slumber and body being oddly similar to that of an old man, ironically, with how much he made fun of Taeyong for being a grandpa.

 

“What? What do you mean? They’re really scheming something?!”

 

Mark, still full of adolescent energy, almost shouted out, hopping on his feet. This time, Johnny stifled a rusty laugh, and Mark knew right away that he was going to say something  utterly ridiculous.

 

He placed a gentle hand on Mark’s shoulder, that was almost reassuring if not for his cocky, tired smile, yet knowing, wise eyes.

 

“You’re jealous, Mark.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi so;; i want to clear up that i dont have an answer to what theyre fighting about and yes im using the summer markhyuck fight ^^; the cause of the fight isnt a big plot point at all so i wont be writing about it later on and i dont want to place my own reason to their fight, which is very personal to them. i feel it would be very disrespectful. ALSO jaemin wont appear until about chapter 3? because in this time, he had a back injury;;:


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very long chap this time ;;;;;; sorry my planning is kinda bad;;;;;;; also full of filler and nonsense,,,,,, still hope that its at least a decent read! next chapter wld be a lil..... owo

"You're jealous, Mark."

 

It takes Mark more than a minute to properly digest what Johnny had just told him, an awkward, beckoning silence lingering in the room. His hanging mouth closes slowly, emphasising the fact that he was a little taken aback from hearing that word being directed at him.

 

 

_Jealous? Like, jealousy? Jealous jealousy?_

 

What is there to be jealous of? Jealous of Donghyuck being too friendly with the Dreamies? Yes, probably. He wants to hang out with them like that too. _Maaaybe_ that was why he got so angry with Donghyuck and Renjun being all touchy. 

 

"I guess? I'm not really an affectionate type of guy."

 

He replied after a couple of minutes of leaving Johnny hanging, who could only sigh dramatically and put his head on his palm. 

 

"No, not like that."

 

Mark really had no idea what he was talking about. Did getting woken up at 2 in the morning and being dragged off to a dance room get to his head? He tilts his head to the side slightly.

 

"What do you mean, then? Dude, I don't get you."

 

"Then, tell me again, in full detail, how you feel."

 

He lifted his head to show that he was serious, his teasing smile completely gone. His eyelids were getting heavier for every minute that would pass.

 

"I hate seeing _him_ acting like that with them. Especially the touchy and clingy part. It makes my blood, like, boil! And, and like, when he touched Renjun's thigh and held hands with him, it's just! They were never that close before!"

 

His eyebrows furrowed as his tone was like that of hissing when he retold the story. Remembering it just made things worse for him. Johnny nodded lazily and rubbed his eyes with his knuckles.

 

"Then what do you want to happen? You didn't like that, so what would you have preferred to happen instead?"

 

Johnny said breathlessly after a long yawn, the fatigue taking over him. He didn't bother to wait for a reply, laying down on the cold hard floor and dozing off for the sleep he missed because of Mark. And there he was, left alone to dance, but he couldn't dance away the thoughts he had this time.

 

What _would_ he have preferred to happen?

 

He was _somewhat_ jealous, that was something Johnny managed to help him with in terms of sorting his mind. He could guess with only a little confidence that his jealousy came from Donghyuck's interactions with the younger ones and how they don't act as happy and excited with him. Glancing over Johnny's folded body, he cursed the older for sleeping on him after saying something so... overwhelming.

 

Mark stopped dancing and turned off the music he was swaying his body to. Seizing the moment to think harder, he sat down beside Johnny's head, a hand placed on his chin. But the more he tried to think, the more he felt exhausted, and just like his senior, he dozed off with his back leaning against the mirror.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

"Are you kidding me? Are you guys having a sleep over? God, I almost got a heart attack when I saw your bodies inside. Thought you were dead."

 

Doyoung's heavy steps and Taeyong's clapping immediately woke them up, Johnny who looked fresh and energised, while Mark looked disheveled and actually, like Doyoung said, pretty dead. He had deadshot eyes and a little drool on his chin. His hair  could almost rival Yuta's hair in Firetruck.

 

"Seriously, what's your explanation this time?"

 

Taeyong nagged and gave Mark a look that reminded him of his mother. Weirdly enough, he felt a little shy in front of the leader. He hasn't really talked much with him after he dragged Donghyuck out the fight.

 

"Markie's jealous~"

 

Johnny's lips formed a big, teasing smile, a little bit of a chuckle escapinf his lips. Doyoung, despite how stern he was trying to look, grinned slightly at that. Taeyong sighed and sat beside them, setting down his training equipment. He looked at Mark for elaboration, but he was too busy getting flustered over Johnny's loose mouth.

 

"Jealous? What's that have to do with dancing in the middle of the night and dragging Johnny with you?"

 

"He was probably trying to sort his mind."

 

Doyoung said matter-of-fact-ly. He was not even peering over at them, his eyes busy watching his hands tie his shoelaces, as if they were more interesting than Mark getting scolded by Taeyong like a mother would to his naughty son.

 

Taeyong turned to Mark for confirmation, who nodded hesitantly in response.

 

" _He_ has been so friendly and all touchy with the Dreamies, and I didn't like it so I told Johnny. He said I was jealous."

 

Doyoung started laughing out of the blue, and for some reason Taeyong started blushing as if he was possessed by Mark's spirit. Johnny, who was about to leave, noticed Mark looking at him with a confused expression but he only shrugged and left.

 

"Sounds a lot like someone I know."

 

"Oh, shut up!"

 

Taeyong threw his lavender dog-patterned towel at Doyoung, which seemed familiar to the younger rapper. He cleared his throat and turned to Mark again.

 

"Don't listen to that fool over there-"

 

Doyoung pursed his lips and let out a muffled giggle.

 

"-I have no idea what he's talking about. Anyways, Mark, what do you think about what Johnny said?"

 

Mark could only let out a weird noise as he scratched the back of his neck even when it wasn't feeling itchy at all. He wasn't sure if he wanted to tell Taeyong. Yeah, he's someone you can trust and he's mature and caring, but he can't trust him like Johnny. Maybe because Johnny grew up in America, like how he grew up in Canada.

 

"... It's okay if you don't want to talk about it. See ya."

 

Taeyong replied to his silence. He gave Mark a reassuring smile that was reserved for the younger members. He looked slightly disappointed, but Mark decided not to dwell on it and left after sharing a smile.

 

"Yep. He's just like you."

 

Doyoung teased Taeyong once again, living for the blushy and flustered expression he would have when he does so.

 

"Shut up!"

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

As usual, the team was divided into two during dance break. 'Mark Team', also known as the unfortunate souls that Mark dragged with him so that he won't be lonely, Jisung and Chenle. Although Mark was more like a thirdwheel with them. Then, the 'Donghyuck Team', with the traitors Renjun and Jeno.

 

Mark had almost gotten used to the repetitive scene of Donghyuck hugging Renjun tightly while giggling, Jeno being a victim to Donghyuck's need for skinship, his face wearing a little bit of a cringe, but he didn't let his hand go regardless. If not for his burning 'jealousy' to be in Donghyuck's place, he would have ignored them.

 

They were sitting opposite each other, huddled in their little circles. Which meant that Donghyuck was facing Mark, and the older had a mastermind plan in his mind. Since Johnny declared he was jealous, all he had to do was to make Donghyuck jealous as well. He nodded to himself as he glanced at Chenle and Jisung, although very mischievious and disobedient, they still love Mark. Mark thought with confidence that he had the best accomplices.

 

"Yeah! And then my mother went-"

 

Chenle stumbled over his words, his excitement dying down significantly. Jisung's smile turned into a confused frown as he questioned Chenle, who only pointed at his thigh. Jisung choked on thin air as he is met with Mark, the member who does not like skinship at all, never initiates them nor does he willingly receive them, whose hand was awkwardly placed on Chenle's right thigh.

 

Chenle's face twisted, there was no trace of anger or annoyance on it, but there was a whole lot of discomfort. Jisung covered his mouth with his hand as he chuckled non-stop at Chenle's disgusted face and Mark's idiocy.

 

"What? Can't I show my affection for my younger brothers?"

 

Mark retaliated in response to Chenle cringing and Jisung making fun of them. Chenle shifted himself to move away from Mark's hand, moving closer to Jisung. They glanced at each other multiple times and played with their hands and clothes, clearly hesitating. Their serious atmosphere was not fitting of them at all, especially when the other group was screaming and hitting each other.

 

"It's just that you were never really an affectionate person to us, you know? You only did that kind of things with... _him_."

 

Jisung said, scratching his nape while doing so. Mark, dumbfounded, looked at Chenle to see if he also thought that Jisung was stating nonsense, but Chenle averted his gaze and nodded slowly. Unbelievable. Unable to respond, he looked over at the noisy group and made eye contact with Donghyuck himself. His eyes were hostile and threatening, it sent shivers down Mark's spine. His plan worked but he wasn't in a celebratory mood at all.

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

When Mark opened the door to their dorm, he certainly wasn’t expecting Taeyong to be beckoning him to sit down at the dinner table. There was a slice of cake in front of him, placed directly in front of Mark’s-to-be-seat. 

 

Despite his wishes to just rest and nap until next morning, he sat down and picked up the fork beside the plate. Taeyong hummed as a greeting.

 

“Jisung told me about today, but before you go smacking him tomorrow, I just want to ask this. Are you really alright?”

 

Taeyong said in a low, gentle voice. Mark was too tired to get worked up over Jisung exposing him, but he did make a mental note to slap his head the next time they meet, but a little lighter.

 

He took in Taeyong’s words as he inhaled deeply, catching a faint scent of Taeyong’s instant coffee. Maybe he could trust the leader this time. He opened his mouth before closing it again, then he gave in and spilled everything he had been containing.

 

"Sorry, I couldn't talk to you last week because I wasn't... you know... yeah."

 

He sliced off a part of the cake slice with his fork, not batting an eye at Taeyong.  The sound of the older rapper’s metal spoon clinking against the ceramic cup filled the tense silence between them as he stirred his coffee.

 

"It's really fine, Mark, but thanks for telling me about it now. I do want to say that doing what you're doing right now, is not something I'd encourage.”

 

The elder said, halting his stirring to sip a small amount of the freshly-brewed hot coffee. He immediately yanks his head away from it, his eyebrows furrowed from the bitter taste. Mark wondered if he was going to turn the black coffee into pure sugar with all the creamers and sugar packets he was using.

 

Mark gulped and couldn't find it in himself to respond. His words were too true and it gave the younger a slap back to reality. He remembered how uncomfortable Chenle and Jisung would look whenever he tried to use them for his petty, childish goal. 

 

"Yeah... Right, uh, you're right."

 

"...but I understand. Feeling jealousy like that, I fully understand. There's this someone right now, who I- I have my eyes on, but they're a real flirt."

 

Taeyong (uncharacteristically) stuttered, opening his last packet of sugar. Mark finally looked up at him, his mouth was stretched into the shape of an 'O' and his eyes were almost about to pop out. Who could that lucky person be?

 

"They're... weird. But funny. They have the cutest smile, and no matter how playful and tough he might seem, he's actually quite shy. That's also another adorable trait that I love about them."

 

He blushed a deep pink as he couldn't resist a smile, recalling his favourite memories of said person. His smile was contagious, making Mark grin as well. He felt like he related to the rapper's words a lot. Someone weird but funny, has a cute smile, is cheeky yet shy... _Him_.

 

_Lee Donghyuck._

 

Why did he suddenly pop up, Mark pondered. His heart skipped a beat as he too, recalled his favourite moments with Donghyuck. Maybe it was time to talk it out after all. There was another reason to the sensation and thoughts he had, but he didn’t dare to dwell on it.

 

“Alright. I’m glad to have helped, Mark. Donghyuck will be back by 8, if you’re wondering.”

 

Taeyong stood up abruptly, harshly pushing his chair away with his unfolding legs. After washing both his cup and Mark’s plate and fork, he gave Mark an encouraging pat before disappearing into his room.

 

Mark still had a lot of time to think before Donghyuck would be back. He secretly hoped that the younger would approach him first, instead of him having to wait about an hour for his arrival.

 

As time passed by, Mark grew more and more nervous, yet determined. He would absolutely hate to admit but he truly missed Donghyuck’s company. He wanted nothing more than to finally make up.

 

Speaking of the devil, the door swings open and Donghyuck enters nonchalantly, he didn’t even notice Mark and made a bee line to his room. Mark, troubled by his unpredictable action, mindlessly ran after him quickly.

 

He made it just before he closed the door on his face. He panted a little, standing at the door without any words to offer. Donghyuck was obviously aware of his presence, but he chose not to pay any mind. Mark felt his chest ache at the blatant ignorance.

 

”Donghyuck.”

 

That was the first time he’d said his name, after two weeks of referring to Donghyuck as ‘him’. Donghyuck stopped arranging whatever was on his desk. He didn’t turn around, he just tilted his head just a bit to the side.

 

”Can we talk?”

 

Mark spluttered. His hands were trembling out of sheer anxiety. He was so, so scared that his words might be taken wrongly again and another fight would take place. 

 

”...Please?”

 

The word caused Donghyuck’s ears to perk up. His shoulders relaxed and he sat on the bottom of his shared bunk bed, letting his body sink into the mattress before reaching a hand out that gestured to a nearby chair.

 

”Sit.”

 

His tone was icy, words coated with raw anger and a hint of exhaustion. 

 

“So?”

 

He spoke up when Mark sat on the chair with stiff movements. The rapper gulped at Donghyuck’s signature half-lidded glare. 

 

“I... I’m sorry, okay?”

 

Still, he was faced with crushing silence. He knew that wasn’t what Donghyuck wanted to hear, he had to talk about _everything_.

 

“I’m sorry for saying those things. For punching you, giving you bruises, ignoring you - avoiding you. Just, everything. I don’t have an excuse for it, really. I’m sorry for being petty and doing stupid things -“

 

Donghyuck quirked a brow at his last sentence.

 

”Being petty by doing what stupid things?”

 

Mark found himself turning a little panicked and flustered as he thought up the answer.

 

”F- For trying to make you... jealous. I hope we can go back to how we were before. I really do.”

 

And that was the last of Mark’s pride. He waited, a poisonous type of anticipation almost killing him. Donghyuck’s expression stayed the same as it was before, but just a tiny bit softer.

 

”...May I ask why you were trying to make me jealous?"

 

This time, his words were just out of pure curiosity, no hostility of any kind hiding behind them. Still, Mark had a difficult time trying to answer he question, he was too _embarrassed_.

 

"Forget it."

 

Donghyuck moved his hands behind him, leaning back a little as he relaxed. His eyebrows softened and his were free of anger. Mark was glad he was satisfied with his apology, his shoulders automatically releasing tension.

 

"Look, I'm sorry too, alright? It's not just... you. I'm also at fault. I said bad things, I avoided you as well. I..."

 

The younger admitted. He paused as he felt his cheeks burning up, his cold demeanor gone.

 

"...I'm glad you wanted to talk it out."

 

He said, in a soft voice that was almost a whisper. He lowered his head to avoid Mark's eyes, his unusually shy attitude caused his heart to start pounding fast. Before he knew it, his eyes turned watery, a sob escaping his lips. Donghyuck whipped his head back up at the sound, but Mark had already wiped the incoming tears away.

 

"Are you seriously crying?"

 

"No! No way! It's just... I'm so h-happy."

 

Donghyuck stared at Mark, who was pouting and averting his gaze. His eyes were very obviously puffy, which gave Donghyuck a big laugh.

 

"You know, you can really be cute if you wanted to."

 

He said casually, no shame found in him while Mark started to blush uncontrollably. He stuttered and stammered, he couldn’t find himself to reply calmly. Normally he would have hit Donghyuck for his cheesy comment, but he felt a little too happy to do so.

 

This... This was what he had missed, and to answer Johnny’s question; this was what he would have preferred to happen.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i rushrd this chapter bc my set deadline was so near!!!!!! im sorry if there are any major errors!! no spoilers but next chapter is where the plot actually starts to get spicy


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi im so happy that this wasnt so badly received phew!! sorry if the chapter seemed rushed;;; i dont explicitly write about the date but there will be some small time skips, (days, weeks, months, never really years.) I hope the characterisation is decent and i hope the next chapter will be better for yall!

“We are all gathered here to celebrate the return of our dear member...”

 

Renjun announced to the bunch sitting below him. Everyone, including him, had a grave expression, there were no smiles or smirks that lingered on them. Renjun nodded at the scene, undoing his crossed arms. He was impressed that they could hold still for a few seconds.

 

He disappeared outside the dance studio, faint chattering being heard. Still, the Dreamies do not move a single muscle. That is until someone stepped foot into the room, and everyone went absolutely wild.

 

”...Na Jae _min_!”

 

Renjum exclaimed so loudly that his voice cracked, causing Chenle to choke on his juice packet. Jaemin entered, albeit a little shy as he hasn’t seen them for a while, he still accepted all the ,(life-threatening) tight hugs, cheers and banshee screaming directed at him.

 

His smile was big, proving that he was healthy once again.

 

Donghyuck had turned on party music on max volume, while screaming. Jisung ran to the lights and switched them on and off, on and off, while screaming. Chenle was still choking, but was making the effort to scream. Mark was jumping and punching the air as if it had punched him first and Jeno... Jeno was afraid.

 

”Make some noise!”

 

Their screaming had turned into like that of war cries, their excitement had no signs of dying down at all. Jaemin himself had joined the mess, punching the air with Mark as Renjun fought Jisung over the lights with no mercy whatsoever. He had taken the youngest’s head into a chokehold, who was slapping his arms as a sign of defeat.

 

Chenle, now with a clear throat, joined Renjun and Jisung’s deathbattle, making high-pitched dolphin-like noises which made Renjun’s ears break, who screamed ‘shut up’ in all the languages he knew.

 

”Okay!”

 

Mark halted in his actions. He was pretty out of breath from all the wrestling he did with oxygen and carbon dioxide. The members, however, either couldn’t hear him of chose to ignore him. Even Jaemin had stopped hyping himself up.

 

”Guys!”

 

He said, his volume getting higher. Jeno, the only sane one in the room, stopped dancing and tried to shake all the other’s back to reality. What an angel, Mark and Jaemin thought.

 

Rescued by the angelic Jeno, Chenle and Jisug were finally free of the clutches of Renjun, gasping for air with their hands on their throats. Renjun, still smiling, followed shortly.

 

Meanwhile, Donghyuck didn’t care. 

 

”Donghyuck! Shut up and come here!”

 

Mark shouted at the younger who was still dancing and cheering on his own. The Dreamies smiled to themselves as they watched Donghyuck skip towards them with a big grin on his face. They wouldn’t mention it, but they  knew that they were all happy that they made up.

 

”Alright, thanks guys. And a special thanks for Renjun, my love.”

 

Jaemin said as he jokingly pointed finger guns at Renjun, who chuckled and punched his shoulder lightly. He was a man of a few words, but he had always spoken in sincerity and gratitude. 

 

Mark didn’t miss the different type of affection and fondness Jaemin had in his eyes everytime he would stare at Renjun. 

 

_They would make a good couple._

 

The bags of chips opened along with some cans of sodas, officially marking the start of their little party. Jeno had brought his own box of Jenga, which he was playing with Renjun and Donghyuck then. Chenle and Jisung were in their own world, as usual, playing UNO. Luckily for Chenle, he had a whole deck of plus cards.

 

The scene was nice and had a homely vibe to them. Ever since he moved into the 127 dorm, he had missed all the games and bets he and the Dreamies would have. While he was busy daydreaming, Jaemin bumped his arm with a cold can of soda.

 

”Hey, you enjoying yourself?”

 

”I should be asking you that.”

 

Mark snickered to himself. Jaemin hummed sweetly as a  reply. The younger didn’t really have any interest in talking as he was staring fondly at Renjun, his lips curling upwards subtlely.

 

”Renjun... You like him?”

 

Jaemin let out a breathy giggle at how blunt the question was.

 

”How straightforward. Was it that obvious?”

 

He asked, his eyes were still focused on the short boy who was kicking Donghyuck’s butt for pushing the Jenga tower. Mark also found himself to be smiling at the sight.

 

”Well, I guess I am.”

 

Jaemin sighed dreamily. There was a lingering question on Mark’s mind, though with how observant Jaemin was, he didn't need to ask.

 

”You’re wondering how, right?”

 

”... Can’t I?”

 

”You’re funny.”

 

Jaemin scoffed, finally turning his head to face Mark. His face had definitely gotten more structured, more mature. His childish features were mostly gone, his cheeks were no longer soft and stretchy. His jawline was more refined and his voice was practically as deep as the ocean.

 

The younger knew he was checking him out (kinda), and winked, earning a disgusted face from Mark.

 

”It just never bothered me. Everyone visited me at least once a month. But you know what Renjun did.”

 

He paused, his smile turned more melancholic than delighted. 

 

“No matter how packed his schedule was, he would try to visit me everyday. Just because he didn’t want me to be lonely.”

 

Mark could only nod awkwardly. He was never as perceptive as Jaemin and Donghyuck, nor was he as warm as Chenle and Jeno. He did know some facts, though.

 

”... But I think... I think he enjoyed visiting you.”

 

Mark lowered his head. He fiddled with the strings on his hoodie. 

 

“Yeah... Even though he’s a guy...”

 

Jaemin nodded, he was smiling widely at Mark’s words. It lasted for a few seconds until he went back to his usual self. He smirked as he said his last statement to Mark, who blushed furiously as he was caught being too interested in it.

 

”... I could care less. I love him and that’s the end of that...”

 

“How about you, Mark? Why do you care about me liking Renjun? A guy?”

 

”...”

 

Despite the many words Jaemin spilled, full of varying feelings, Mark could not answer. He wasn’t blushing anymore, he had a sour expression instead, which was enough for Jaemin to understand.

 

”I see. Anyways, let’s go play Jenga, Markie~”

 

Jaemin stood on his feet, stretching his hands over his head. He let out a cute whine as he does so. But, the mood between the two of them was different.

 

”Sorry... I support you guys, but-“

 

Mark averted his gaze from Jaemin, biting his lip. Jaemin looked straight ahead, slapping Mark’s back forward before he could continue. 

 

”It’s fine. I understand, okay?”

 

 

  _A happy ending._

 

_That was what Mark expected and wanted. They fought, they avoided each other, they confronted each other, they made up, now they’re friends again._

 

_“God...”_

 

_He let out a pained groan, his arm laid across his face so that his eyes were covered, and so that the fabric of his sleeve would absorb his tears._

 

_He didn’t know that making up with Donghyuck had a side effect of questioning one’s self and crying at midnight._

 

_The rapper was adamant in denying it. That he blushed when Donghyuck called him cute, because he felt kind of happy. That he couldn’t tell Donghyuck the reason why he was trying to make him jealous, when his so-called reason was not all that embarrassing. That he wanted their hug to last forever. And that he was craving for him to call him cute again._

 

_That he might be beginning to see him as a little more than a best friend._

 

_He groaned even louder and shoved his pillow away with a powerful swing of his arms. Gritting his teeth, he tried so hard to stop the tears. Donghyuck was just a friend. Nothing more, nothing less._

 

_He liked girls, his ideal woman is a woman with long hair, who is kind and has a sense of humour. He has numerous female celebrity crushes. So, there was ultimately no way he liked Donghyuck like that._

 

_It could be that since they had a fight, they got closer and Mark was just being dumb and overreacting. Yeah, that sounded right. Yeah, he had no reason to be wide awake at 2 am in the morning, sobbing and punching pillows._

 

_Yeah, Donghyuck is just a friend._

 

“Hey, I know you’ve got a lot on your mind. I do too. But we can talk about it later, okay? So, let’s go kick their jenga tower.”

 

Jaemin cleared his throat and snapped his fingers right in front of Mark’s ears. Mark snapped out of it right away, wiping the small drool forming on the side of his mouth and scratched the back of his head sheepishly.

 

”Sorry, and yeah let’s talk after this... And no, we’re not kicking anyone’s jenga tower.”

 

He put up a finger towards Jaemin’s face as a warning, though he was smiling pretty cheekily as well. Jaemin huffed and picked up his almost-empty can of soda.

 

”You’re no fun.”

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Everyone had left the room, the clean and spotless sight was evidence. Though, it was because Jaemin told them all to clear their own mess or else the cleaners would have a hard time. He reminded Mark of their bossy coach as he nagged at them.

 

The two rappers were alone, empty cups of coffee surrounded Jaemin. Unlike when Mark was with Taeyong, the air was soothing and calming. Jaemin wasn’t staring into his soul, he was sipping on his third cup of coffee that day and yawning.

 

”Ready to talk? If not, I’ll start.”

 

He said monotonously, setting down the cup. Mark nodded and gestured for him to do so.

 

”So... As much as I love Renjun, despite him being a guy and a band member, I’m worried. Actually scared. Actually both.”

 

Jaemin frowned, unable to choose from the two adjectives. He was still acting aloof and silly, like he had no problems whatsoever.

 

”He’s just so unpredictable. When I flirt with him, he’d either blush and avoid my stare or smack my head. There’s also a small chance that he would flirt back, a rare option that I’m terrified of.”

 

He wrapped his hands around himself and faked a shiver, causing Mark to giggle at his antics. 

 

“...But he’s seriously an angel. He’s so adorable that it should be illegal. He may be harsh but he has a big heart, despite that small body.”

 

Jaemin stated, counting Renjun’s many good traits that he loved. His eyes relaxed dreamily again. He chuckled at the small diss directed towards Renjun’s height. 

 

“I... I fought with Donghyuck.-"

 

 

 "Yep, heard about it from Injunnie."

 

 

"-But we made up two days ago. He called me cute, he hugged me really tightly but s-sweetly... and I felt too happy about it. I thought about it last night and I came to the conclusion that I was just overreacting."

 

Jaemin nodded without making any noise. Mark was playing with his fingers, rubbing unnecessary circles on his palms after he asked Jaemin about what he thought about the whole scenario.

 

"Well, I'm no behavioural scientist. I don't have facts, only unreliable opinions. So, just see how things go, yeah? If things get bad, hit me up. Or Johnny."

 

He shrugged and spun his wrist as he lazily stirred the coffee in his cup. He didn't seem shaken at all, like he had expected that much from Mark. Getting no helpful advice whatsoever, Mark let out a long sigh. He did managed to relax a bit.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Despite talking with Jaemin a week back, his head was suddenly steaming with unreasonable disgust and anger. 

 

He felt like his skin would melt if Donghyuck were to touch it, and with how needy Donghyuck is with skinship, he would always be trying to hold hands, link arms, hug and even kiss his cheek. Mark had always disliked skinship, but he and Donghyuck confirmed with each other that they would push and pull on screen just to show how close they were.

 

But nowadays, Mark would push him away with too much force, sometimes even adding a glare into the mix. He started not to care whether there was a camera filming them or not. If Donghyuck wanted to hold hands, he would grab them and shove them back to his chest without sparing a glance. If he wanted a hug, he would push his body away without holding back.

 

His eyebrows were almost permanently furrowed from how continuously grumpy he had been. It wasn't long before he started avoiding other members too, even Johnny and Taeyong.

 

"Markie~!"

 

Donghyuck exclaimed as he walked in on Mark checking the fridge. Mark ignored him, to which Donghyuck pouted in reaction. He spread his arms wide and leaned into him, a blissful yet expecting expression on his face.

 

Mark felt his heart skip a beat at the adorable singer, who had a big closed grin, his eyes were shut yet they seemed to also smile. 

 

He felt ... revolted. He felt his skin crawl at the thought of going in for the hug. That if he does, Donghyuck would wrap his arms around his back softly and hum into his ears.

 

He clicked his tongue and with all the force in his two hands, he pushed him and sent Donghyuck's body flying for a few milliseconds  before hitting the side of the table with his back, yelping in pain as he went down with a loud thud.

 

"Fuck!"

 

He laid on the floor, one hand on his back and the other squashed by the side of his body.  Whimpering and writhing, he couldn't utter a single word to say back to the rapper, who was idle.

 

Instant regret.

 

Dumbfounded by his own action, he couldn't even check up on him and apologise. He reached a pathetic, weak hand out to Donghyuck's trembling shoulder, but he yanked it back as Donghyuck twisted his body around with a loud yelp. 

 

His pupils were shaking, he was panicking so much that his eyes turned so watery that his vision started to blur. His hands found their way on his hair, pulling and clawing on his scalp and hair strands in stress. He jolted awake when a door slammed open in the hallway, a worried Jaehyun appearing.

 

Jaehyun  rushed to Donghyuck's squirming body, quickly moving on to ask him numerous questions about what happened, only to earn pained groans and tears. Donghyuck could only mutter about his back and that it hurts a lot, and when Jaehyun lifted his shirt, he gasped loudly.

 

He didn't miss the deadly glare Jaehyun had shot him as he placed his hands under the younger's arm and back.

 

"Mark."

 

The rapper swallowed heavily. He stood stock-still, not moving a muscle or making a sound. 

 

"You better have a good explanation to this."

 

Jaehyun huffed as he wrapped Donghyuck's arm around his shoulders, his hand resting on his waist for support. Mark couldn't meet his eyes. More doors opened, Taeil and Doyoung popped their heads out and quickly rushed to the two as soon as they saw Donghyuck limping.

 

It all happened too fast. Mark was just getting some snacks and all of a sudden a weak Donghyuck is being carried into the bathroom with Taeil who was carrying pain-killers and a pack of ice.

 

His knees eventually gave out, his body collapsing in half, experiencing a small jolt of pain. He couldn't breathe.

 

 

What was wrong with him?

 

 

-

 

 

 Consequences and such no longer mattered so much to him. He felt miserable. He couldn't sleep that night and he was filled with apathy. Johnny had been spamming him with texts the morning after, and soon Taeyong joined in, then a few missed calls from Doyoung. He didn't answer any of them. In fact, he didn't bother reading a single letter.

 

He was avoiding Donghyuck again. His schedule was better off wasted as he would time his practices two hours before or after Donghyuck's, he would also wake up earlier to eat breakfast without him and go home earlier so that he could shut himself inside his room.

 

He was drowning in guilt and fear. 

 

**Johnny Bro**

 im sick of this mark

you guys just made up from your fight

last month and now this happens?

you cant just ignore  him forever

you know that

you're making everyone worry

 

 Mark finally opened up his texts. He read the words displayed on the screen, over and over again. Johnny was well over pissed. They hit a little too close to home for Mark. After a week and a half of ignoring his texts, he finally clicked on the small box with shaky fingers. 

 

**You**

im

sorry

im really so sorry

 

Mark felt his breathing hitch. He was suddenly flooded with all the recent events that happened the last week. He thought that maybe he could've gotten away with avoiding  Donghyuck's presence forever, he just never thought that he would do _that_.

 

He didn't think that Donghyuck would avoid him too.

 

"Donghyuck, you wanna get drinks with us?"

 

Jeno would ask his same-aged friend while waving a few notes of money to say that he's paying. Donghyuck would look around, and when he would spot Mark, his face softens in dejection, proceeding to decline the offer. The same thing would happen with trips to the park, outings at the beach and even dance practice. 

 

He even catched the younger by himself in the kitchen at 5 in the morning, making eggs with the saddest eyes he had seen. It was unusual, but the sight crushed Mark's heart. He knew what they all meant, that Donghyuck probably blamed himself for everything when he didn't even do anything.

 

 Mark felt a throbbing pain in his chest everytime Donghyuck flinched when he sees the rapper around.

 

He remembered when he walked past Donghyuck's room. The younger must have thought he was home alone as he was changing with the door wide open. His feet didn't move at all, as he stood there, watching Donghyuck take off his shirt to reveal the disgusting spot splattered right in the middle of his back.

 

The toothbrush Mark was holding slipped out of his hand, interrupting the silence that lingered throughout the dorm. Before Donghyuck could turn around and catch Mark, the rapper snatched his toothbrush and rushed away until he was out of sight. Still, he was probably caught as Donghyuck's footsteps became hurried. 

 

"Mark...?"

 

He called out to Mark, who was standing in front of the bathroom sink, not paying attention to the singer at the door. His voice was almost croaky and rasped. Also uncharacteristically soft. Mark didn't respond. Thankfully his back was turned to the younger, so that his shaky hands and rapid breathing wouldn't be noticed.

 

"Oh, right."

 

Donghyuck whispered to himself before leaving the bathroom. Mark felt an overwhelming amount of emotions wash over him as soon as he heard the door shut. 

 

His lips quivered at the memory.

 

**Johnny Bro**

sorry i came off too harsh

i know you dont want to talk about it

but im glad to know that you

arent avoiding me

theres some hot chocolate in the

cup boards

help yourself if you cant sleep

 

He stared at the screen blankly for a while. The phone zones out and switches off on its own and Mark plopped his hand back onto the bed, bouncing back from the impact. He thought about everything. From the incident to Johnny's texts.

 

The big purple-black bruise that seemed so out of place at Donghyuck's otherwise clear back. The fact that he would wince everytime he stretched his back just a little bit. That he heard Donghyuck sobbing in the bathroom at midnight. He felt like absolute garbage. Why was Johnny being so nice? Mark wondered. He was sure that he didn't deserve even the smallest amount of kindness.

 

And so he got up and made some hot chocolate for himself. 

 

Why was Donghyuck crying? Why did he look so sad all the time? Was he that affected by the incident? Did he deserve that shove?

 

He halted in pouring the hot water into the powder mix. The answer was crystal clear, and right in front of his eyes. If he grabbed it, though, he would have to face a big obstacle.

 

Apologising.

 

He hated apologising. His stubborness during their summer fight was enough to prove it. This time was different, however. Donghyuck was nothing but normal to him after they made up. Teasing him, yet taking care of him. He didn't deserve being pushed to the ground and everything Mark was doing.

 

Mark _was_ overreacting. 

 

He shouldn't focus on just one thing and get angry by it and affect everyone in his life. That was childish of him, when he was, ironically, older than Donghyuck. 

 

He shook his head and slapped both his cheeks to wake himself up. Taking a teaspoon to stir the hot chocolate with, he soon took a sip.

 

"Ah, I forgot the sugar."

 

Smiling to himself, Mark muttered under his breath. Something must've been mixed into the hot chocolate as he felt determined to settle things with Donghyuck. He felt a little proud that there were no tears that time.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

**You**

 ice cream @ sunday?

 

**Hyuck**

you're so heartless

but why not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> peep that renmin folks anyways i swear ill get onto taeten and johnten soon


	4. Chapter 4

"So you're telling me that you avoided Donghyuck because you became angsty and injured him, and now you're forcing him to eat ice cream with you, without apologising?"

 

Jaemin rubbed his temples. He smacked the table in disbelief. Mark immediately tried to hush him and his loose mouth. He had infiltrated the Dreamies' dorm that they shared with Ten and Kun. If they had been woken up by the sound, he would hate to deal with Kun's scolding and Chenle's screaming.

 

"That's not what I said!"

 

He whispered frantically. Jaemin only rolled his eyes as that was exactly what he had told him, only in a nutshell. Mark crossed his arms and huffed like a child.  

 

"I mean, I was going to talk to him about it at Sunday."

 

Jaemin hummed sarcastically. Much to Mark's dismay, he couldn't talk to Johnny because of how busy he was, nor could he talk to anyone else from NCT 127 as they were all probably mad at him after what had happened. Ten was obviously out of the list too, as he would probably be the one complaining instead of Mark. Kun was too handsome so he would be too nervous to start talking.

 

So, he was left with conversing with the coffee addict who thought he was stupid and could not stop rolling his eyes at everything he said. Those eyes of his were at risk of being popped out from all the semi-circles he was drawing with his pupils.

 

"What if it was you in my place, then? What if you and Renjun had a fight like that?"

 

The older rapper grumbled. Slightly taken aback, Jaemin stopped sipping his extremely bitter coffee, he put his hand over his chin and actually thought about it, though Mark was sure he was going to get called a moron indirectly again. 

 

"Well, I never had a problem about liking guys in the first place. But, if we did have a fight, and I knew that I'm in the wrong, I would've barged into his room at 4am to apologise. Maybe beg for forgiveness."

 

Jaemin scratched his cheek. During moments like this,  Mark so badly wanted to punch his shoulder for saying such an exaggerating but reasonable answer. The younger shrugged in a carefree way while Mark hung his head and rested his hands on his hair.

 

"How are you so chill about all this? If you were Taeyong, I would've gotten smacked back to Canada."

 

He imitated the leader by swinging his hands. Mark eyed the younger, he was exuding pure curiousity. Jaemin was never easy to read, he was the epitomy of the word 'unpredictable'. Jaemin smirked to himself as he felt kind of complimented from the comparison.

 

"It's not like I can fix all your problems, nor do I really want to. I do have my own share of unfortunate events, but it's up to me whether to solve them or leave them be. If I was you Mark, I would not only apologise, but treat him to a whole day out. Not just to some vanilla ice cream. That's up to you, though."

 

The words easily went out Jaemin's mouth. He had displayed no hints of hesitation, worry or fear. He wasn't apathetic, he would rather let people solve their own problems that they themselves have caused. As much as Mark would hate to admit, he had a point.

 

 

"I'll get going now, I need some time to think."

 

He stood up cautiously as to not make any noise. Jaemin noticed the sadness in his tone, giving him a worried glance as he walked out the door.

 

 

 

-

 

 

There he was again, laying in bed at night with wide eyes. His room mate, Johnny, was going to be home in an hour, which meant that he would be alone with his thoughts for a long time.

 

Unbeknownst to their fans, there were some couples and queer members in their team of 18. He didn't really mind them, unless they were doing some sickening PDA that Mark absolutely hated. He was single enough, he didn't want people to be rubbing the fact on his face.

 

Doyoung and Jaehyun had been dating since forever, they were probably already dating when Mark entered the company. They matched well, a fact that everyone knew. They were both smart and mature. Though, Jaehyun loved teasing Doyoung, but the older actually secretly liked it, in contrast to the retorts.

 

Jungwoo was openly gay and would flirt with everyone, but nobody really minded it because Jungwoo was only doing it for fun and for reactions. Even Mark got used to the winks and cheesy lines from him.

 

Johnny was somewhat like him. During his years in America, he had only dated girls and never had much of an interest in guys. Though, Mark knew that he had his eyes on Ten. It was pretty obvious with how much he spoiled the Thai member with gifts and praises.

 

The most annoying couple, in Mark's opinion, was Yuta and Sicheng. Sicheng himself isn't very open and flirty, it was Yuta who would kiss him and hug him _everywhere_  and he didn't care whether the camera was there. Luckily, Taeil took it upon himself to cover them up by pretending to join them and form a weird love triangle, though it was mostly him thirdwheeling.

 

Meanwhile, Mark... Mark didn't really have any dating experience. He had written some love letters to some girls. He had his own little list of female celebrity crushes. He used to spend a lot of time fantasising about how he would act with his ideal woman. How their first date would go and how he would propose. Whether she would like canopies or carnations in a bouqet.

 

And Donghyuck was pretty peculiar. He was not interested in dating girls at all. He did admire their seniors, Red Velvet, a lot and danced to their songs religiously. He would be the first to check out their music video everytime they come back. Mark thought it was kind of cute. 

 

He also loved skinship, only with guys. Some of the members, like Mark, hated it. While some of the members, like Mark, loved it. The younger mentioned that his need for skinship came from how much love his mother would give him, so he wanted to do the same with his members. It was admirable how much of a filial son he was. 

 

Donghyuck must have learnt his amazing cooking skills from his mother as well. He doesn't cook often, but when he does, you would end up asking for seconds. Mark especially loved his fried rice. He was kind, Mark remembered when he bought ice cream for a lost child and helped him find her mother. His singing was no joke either. Mark thought that he sang 'Billionaire' better than anyone else.

 

His skin was beautifully sunkissed, a feature that earned him the name ‘Full Sun’. That glowing smile of his could illuminate an entire room, and his laugh was cute and contagious. His doe eyes were always sparkling and the usual smoky makeup made them shine.

 

He was beautiful, and Mark felt a tear roll down his cheeks.

 

There was no way to deny it then. He no longer viewed Donghyuck as just a friend. 

 

More tears came after, soaking the pillow beneathe him. It wasn't long before his breathing turned weird yet again. He was breathing fast, a few hiccups and sobs interrupting it the rising of his chest.

 

His body automatically curled up as his hands covered his eyes, almost clawing onto his eyelids. His hands moved onto his stomach, clutching onto his hoodie like he was experiencing intense pain.

 

The mindless sobbing turned into louder whining until he was full on bawling his eyes and throat out. His back felt tight as his hands pulled his hoodie harshly into the front. 

 

His tears were not drying up at all  and the sides of his head felt uncomfortably damp. His fingernails digged deep into his hoodie as he pulled his hoodie from random directions. It was on the verge of tearing, but he couldn't seem to care less about it.

 

His knees folded up into his chest. He couldn't stop. He couldn't control the emotions drowning him. He felt everything. Sadness, anger, disappointment, desperation. 

 

He needed someone.

 

His hands were quaking and sweating pretty bad as he picked up his phone in a lousy manner. He clicked on Johnny's name, the sound of his smart phone imitating a phone's ringing flooded his ears.

 

He didn't even think about how sore his throat felt and how he still was breathing irregularly. He hoped that Johnny would still understand whatever gibberish he was saying.

 

"Hello? Mark?"

 

"J-Johnny? Ugh, god..."

 

He coughed out with a mix of some sobs and sniffing. He looked like a hot mess. He was still laying down on the bed, hugging his knees and not moving away from the large, wet tear stains on his pillow.

 

"Mark?! Are you crying? Are you okay? What happened?!"

 

Johnny nearly shouted, causing Mark to jerk up a little. He wiped his runny nose and sniffed.

 

"Shit- Uh-"

 

He coughed aggressively before letting out a broken hiccup. His lips trembled but he suppressed a stutter.

 

"Please, help. I really need someone..."

 

He pleaded with a hoarse voice. The guilt creeped up inside his body as he realised that Johnny was most likely in the middle of practice.

 

"I'm already on the way. Wash your face, okay? Don't apologise."

 

The elder interrupted him before he could say 'sorry'. He hung up immediately and Mark felt utterly pathetic. He tried to stand up, only collapsing back on the bed. He tried again, and again, and again, but to no avail. Frustrated, Mark raised a weak fist and punched the bed a few times before giving up, letting his body sink into the soft mattress.

 

"Fuck."

 

The rapper cursed under his breath. He had been asking so much from Johnny, the least he could do in return was to wash his face, so that Johnny wouldn't be talking to a zombified version of himself. He sat up again, pausing as his head began to spin. He felt a little nauseous, as if breaking down into a crying mess wasn’t enough to drag his mood down.

 

He felt like all his strength and motivation left his body with no trace left. He needed a full five minutes just to stand up on his feet. With wobbly, meek legs, he dragged himself into the bathroom.

 

Mark  took a glance at the mirror and he was bewildered by his own appearance, yet he could only release a lethargic, hollow chuckle.

 

After washing his face and blowing his nose out, like what Johnny asked of him, he heard the door slam open. He was happy, so much so, that he really came for him. But he felt a little empty. Almost numb. 

 

”Mark! Mark, oh god! I was so  worried!”

 

Johnny dropped his bag and ran straight to Mark with heavy footsteps, pulling him into a suffocating hug. Mark hoped that there wasn't anything fragile inside that bag. Johnny’s hand rested on the back of his head, petting his hair reassuringly.

 

Mark felt himself turn mute. All he could do was stare at the ground as he plopped back down onto the bed, which was so messy that it almost resembled him.

 

The sheets were all over the place, almost half of it spilt onto the wooden floor. His pillow was wet and cold, the mattress was slightly moved to the left, a small gap appearing between it and the wall.

 

Johnny sat beside Mark, a little gentler than the younger. He tried to look into the other rapper’s eyes, only to be ignored as he was busy watching his feet do absolutely nothing. 

 

”Mark, come on.”

 

Mark bit his lip. 

 

“I can’t, Johnny. I really can’t. I think I’m going crazy.”

 

 He placed his head onto his palms. His eyes were pretty puffy and dry, if he could cry then, he would've. Johnny didn't respond, he beckoned for him to continue.

 

"I was just, thinking. Thinking about all k- kinds of ... things. And, like, he just- He just came out of nowhere. A- And, like, I started t- thinking really gross things, I... "

 

He let out a shaking exhale. The corners of his lips were vibrating.

 

"I don't know anymore."

 

The hands that were holding onto his face for dear life dropped, succumbing to the laws of gravity. The elder took his hands and wrapped them with his own, causing Mark to sit up and gaze at his eyes, that seemed so sorry yet full of genuine worry.

 

"Mark, how do you feel about it?"

 

His voice was soft. Mark didn't take his hands away, but he turned his head so that Johnny's piercing eyes wouldn't be digging into his soul.

 

"It just feels so... so wrong. I- I hate it."

 

Mark sniffled. There was a strong hint of disgust in his trembling voice. Johnny's grip on his hands tightened. 

 

"Why?"

 

"I was never like this! I've never liked a guy! It's wrong, it wasn't supposed to happen! He's a friend, just a f- friend."

 

He whipped his head back to Johnny's direction, his eyes were squinting slightly, from how furrowed his eyebrows were and how watery his eyes were becoming. Johnny flinched slightly at the sudden raise of his voice.

 

Mark panted, his attempts in making his breathing stable filled the tense, crushing silence. 

 

"Mark, you... must've noticed by now, but, I'm in love with Ten. So very much so."

 

Johnny let go of the younger's hands, and smiled at Mark in a melancholic manner. It reminded Mark of Jaemin. He finally looked at Johnny, his ears perking up at the mention of his love life.

 

"At first, I thought that yeah, we're just very close. Then, I started to yearn for skinship with him specifically, I wanted him to compliment me, call me 'cute'. I was so... happy when he wanted to do photography with me."

 

He sported a huge grin as he talked about Ten. The tips of his ears turned pink. Mark sat up, feeling his runny nose disappear and his eyes feel lighter.

 

"Of course... It wasn't easy. I denied it with my whole being. All my life, I've only liked and dated girls. I didn't take it well."

 

Turning to Mark with sympathetic eyes, the younger immediately knew what he meant. 

 

"It took me many days, weeks, even months to accept it. I went out almost everyday, to avoid him. I shut myself in. I couldn't face him. He noticed, but he didn't know why. He took me out to a walk on the beach and I realised, being in love with him wasn't so bad."

 

An awkward silence lingered between them. It was well over midnight as Johnny had been talking for almost half an hour, but Mark didn't mind. He listened intently. He laughed when Johnny talked about his failed attempts to flirt and how embarrassing it must have been. He found himself smiling whenever Johnny talked about how much he loved Ten.

 

The reliable and capable Johnny he knew had also faced the same problems as him, and he felt delighted to know. That Johnny fell down in front of Ten while trying to give him flowers that he was allergic to.

 

Only then did he get to finally know about the very out of place blue box that was hidden in his underwear drawer. Johnny revealed that he uses the box to store polaroids that he took with Ten, and the small birthday letters he would receive from him.

 

"I'm sorry I couldn't help you, Mark. And for making you listen to my sappy love story."

 

Johnny scratched his nape but Mark shook his head. Another smile found its way into his face.

 

"Alright. If you want to sleep in, I'll tell the guys tomorrow that you got sick."

 

The elder smirked and pointed a finger gun to Mark, who was tidying up his bed. Mark chuckled and laid on the neatly made bed. He heard Johnny yawn  as he climbed up the bunk bed. He felt a little overhwelmed by how nice Johnny was.

 

_Ten's one lucky guy. He's definitely a keeper._

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

The sun's rays of light seep through the curtains, hitting a certain part of Mark's face. Contrasting the cool air around the room that came from the air conditioner, Mark felt a part of his face turn warmer than the rest.

 

 He was awake, but his eyes felt like they just got stung by a bee. There were imaginary weights on his limbs so he couldn’t exactly jump out of bed like Yukhei does. With a loud, lazy groan he sat up, eyes still shut closed.

 

With squinting eyes and with the least amount of force he could muster, he pressed the button on his phone to turn it on. 

 

13:34 

 

He blinked a few times, and when he got back to his senses, his body jerked up in urgency. He dived out of the sheets, almost hitting his head on the top of the bunk bed.

 

"Fuck, fuck, fuuck!"

 

When he was supposed to meet Donghyuck for ice cream, he just had to sleep in two extra hours.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what a rollercoaster! phew, i had to edit this chapter so many times because i couldnt find the right flow and words;;; next chapter will be more chill so that we can take a break from all the angst so far


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we on that // soft markhyuck hours uwu <3 we reached 1.4k readers and 85 kudos!!!!!!!!!! heall yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aaaa im so happy <3<3

 

Luckily for them, the weather chose to be nice and was adequately sunny, but not too hot. It was slightly windy and a little chilly, an unseen reminder that spring was coming to a close and that the autumn leaves would start to flood the roads.

 

Mark had purposely chose their ~~date~~ small outing to be on a Sunday. There wouldn't be much students hanging around as they're all probably dealing with assignments, so they wouldn't be bombarded with fans gathering around them, screaming, invading their space and taking pictures of them everywhere. Of course, there were still some who had recognised Mark along the way, but only a handful that would only squeal and wave.

 

 He swiped his head left and right until he felt a tap on his back. It had been a while since he got to the shopping district which was a safe distance from their dorms. He used to  always hang around the area with Donghyuck. Still a little dazed, he turned around and saw Donghyuck in all his glory. He was snapped back to reality.

 

Donghyuck was wearing an oversized striped sweater. His hair was messy and he was had optimal make up on. His sweater was big enough to give him those sweater paws that could kill Mark someday. His smile was small yet so charming. It was a new look and a break from all the short-sleeved shirts that he would tuck in his ripped jeans. He looked so adorable that he caused Mark's brain to short-circuit. The speed of the beating of his heart was immeasurable.

 

"Hello? Earth to Mark Lee?"

 

The singer said in that nasal, high-pitched voice of his, a small teaspoon of playfulness added. Waving a playful hand in front of Mark's dazed eyes, he smiled. 

 

"Sorry, about that. I was just... thinking of something."

 

Donghyuck nodded and hummed soulleslly, seeing through his lie immediately. Mark flushed a deep pink.

 

"Thinking of me?"

 

He sent a flirtatious wink to Mark. Mark would usually cringe at such actions, but he gave Donghyuck a free pass for being cute, though his face was burning up really fast. He replied with a soft punch to the shoulder as Donghyuck exaggerated a yelp.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

The bells chimed to announce new customers as Mark opened the door to their go-to café.  Donghyuck followed as he lead the way to a table for two.

 

It still had the same ambience to it. Not as popular as  many had moved on to trendier cafés, there were only a few seated throughout the place. A man was sitting next to the tall, glass windows that anyone could peek through, he was typing away at his laptop and would answer calls every now and then.

 

There was a group of middle-aged women laughing and chatting to their heart’s content, some bringing up topics about their children’s grades and achievements.

 

It wasn’t noisy, but it wasn’t awkwardly silent either. Cluttering of cups, liquid being poured and distant chattering between customers and cashiers occupied the café. As well as the aroma of coffee mixed with the  smell of flavoured pastries.

 

”Wow, you really went all out.”

 

Donghyuck said as Mark brought over some plates and drinks with the help of a waiter who had some time to kill. He put down a plate of waffles with two scoops of ice cream on top, the bottom of it melting a bit as the waffle was fresh out the maker. He put down another plate similar to the previous one, but he set it nearer to his seat.

 

Small plates of cute, tiny mini cakes and tarts filled the remaining space, along with two tall glasses of iced lemon tea that was topped with a slice of lemon and an adorable mini umbrella.

 

Donghyuck was in absolute awe as he watched with wide, sparkling eyes and a drooling mouth. He had quite the sweet tooth and he was certainly expecting the classic vanilla scoop on a cone and not a whole dessert buffet.

 

If anything, he turned a little shy at the thought of Mark paying for everything but he maintained his demeanor.

 

”Mark Lee... Wow, just wow.”

 

He stuck out a thumbs up as his other hand had started picking up the long spoon by the side. His expression was clearly exaggerated but Mark knew that his tinted ears and excited, shaking hands were real.

 

”No problem. It’s um...”

 

Donghyuck had already dived in and was already stuffing his face with food, looking like a squirrel preparing for winter. Mark squirmed in his seat, still not eating yet.

 

”...A token of my apology. I really am so sorry. I hope you-“

 

A cold, sweet delight entered his mouth like an interjection. Donghyuck had shoved a spoonful of the cookies and cream ice cream into Mark’s mouth as if to shut him up. He didn’t care whether his spoon had gotten the rapper’s (gross) saliva on it as he took it out and popped the same spoon into his mouth.

 

Mark, even though still dumbfounded, blushed at the thought of it being like an indirect kiss. Though, he had to admit, the ice cream tasted really good. 

 

”I know, Mark. So shut up and eat! Don’t let it go to waste.”

 

He said, in between bites. Mark cringed at the sight of him talking with his mouth full.

 

Smiling, he held a tissue and wiped the corners of Donghyuck’s lips that were covered with crumbs and ice cream. Donghyuck shut his eyes cutely as he did so.

 

”Thanks, mom.”

 

”Hey, I’m not Taeyong!”

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

The next stop was the arcade that was only a few minutes away from the café. Mark only discovered it a few weeks ago when he went out with Johnny to cool his mind. He never thought that such a place was hiding in the neighbourhood he used to frequent.

 

It was no ordinary arcade. It didn’t have those fighting games that middle schoolers would surround and scream over. It didn’t have the racing car games that would take up half the arcade. This all meant that there would be less annoying company while they enjoy themselves.

 

Its atmosphere was not rowdy and noisy, it didn’t have dimly lit lights like a normal arcade would have nor were the games plastered everywhere in  no order whatsoever. The place was brightly illuminated and there were different areas for different types of games. A variety of vending machines were a few steps away from the entrance. 

 

Mark watched as the younger’s eyes shined as soon as the sliding door opened. His mouth parted slightly, a small ‘wahh’ of excitement escaped his lips. Undoubtedly, in Mark’s words, he was the definition of cute.

 

”You really know your stuff! As expected, Mark Lee.”

 

He commented, still gazing around in astonishment. While Mark brushed off the compliment and bought them some tokens to use, Donghyuck’s attention went to the crane game aisle. He was never one for luck-based games, he always needed some trick to win them, and he never found a trick for crane games.

 

Among them, Johnny and Renjun were the best at such games. Renjun being that he used to always spend a lot of time in the arcade so he managed to get some skills while Johnny had a huge soft spot for cute things, so he practiced a lot, the enormous plushie collection he had was proof. It was also the reason why Ten had his own little collection as well.

 

Mark was ... well, average. His luck was always a pure 50/50, but he did pick up some tricks from Johnny, the master himself.

 

He walked over to Donghyuck who was eyeing a certain watermelon plushie to hand him some tokens. Donghyuck thanked him softly and quickly slotted in the fake coin.

 

”What did you do for two hours?”

 

 "I cooked breakfast for the grandpas and bought some clothes at Myeongdong."

 

Mark thought about how Doyoung was talking about a certain demon child turning into an angel on the table full of eggs, toast and some ham. The game's timer began as he pressed  the two buttons hurriedly yet precisely. The crane swung left and right until Donghyuck settled on a spot right above the watermelon soft toy. His eyes sparkled in satisfaction as the crane successfully picked up the plushie, but it managed to slip out of its grip; the typical trick to get more money from players.

 

"Ahh! So close!"

 

The younger slapped the transparent walls of the game, staring at the now toppled over watermelon plushie with desperate eyes. Mark smiled to himself as he slotted his token in another crane game. He caught a glance of a sunflower soft toy that reminded him of the singer who was wasting all his tokens away and  screaming.

 

The toy was slightly poking out of the rest but Mark knew that was a bait. Johnny told him that for newbies, they should look out for toys with thick string tags. He angled the crane above the string tag of the sunflower and prayed for the best as it came down.

 

The crane's arms went under the string and Mark knew he had won, grinning as the crane pulled upwards, bringing the plushie with it by the string. He thanked Johnny in his mind as he put his hand inside the winning slot to get his beloved prize. He felt a wave of satisfaction and accomplishment.

 

"Hey, uh, for you."

 

Walking over to the defeated Donghyuck with no more token in his hand, he shyly handed him the sunflower plushie. The younger sat up in surprise, a small tint of red creeping up on his cheeks as he accepted it with timid hands. He beamed a glowing smile at Mark as he stared at the cutesy plushie. 

 

"You won it for me? That's cute...  thanks."

 

He squeezed it tightly before gently putting it down on a nearby stool, as if it were made of glass. Mark sheepishly scratched his nape. Determined, Donghyuck ran to the counter with his own personal wallet in his hands to exchange more tokens for himself while Mark watched curiously.

 

_Did he use up all the tokens I gave him already?_

 

"Now that's not fair, is it? I was going to get that watermelon for your watermelon head."

 

Slotting in another coin, he smirked at Mark who pouted at the insult. Though, he was actually kind of touched. He watched Donghyuck control the crane right above the watermelon and he realised why he was failing. Donghyuck was aiming for the top part of the plushie, which was round all throughout. Mark examined it and saw that it had the same type of tag as his sunflower.

 

"You should aim for the tag, it's easier that way."

 

He pointed a finger at its pastel green tag and the string around it. Donghyuck gave him a doubtful look but tried anyways, adjusting the position of the crane accurately.

 

"It's no fun if you help me, No Fun Mark Lee."

 

The rapper rolled his eyes at the nickname. Donghyuck grinned to himself as the watermelon plushie dropped into the winning slot. Unlike Mark, he gave the plushie to him in confidence, as if he won it himself. Watermelon was his favourite fruit, and it was nice knowing that Donghyuck remembered and had tried very hard just to get him that soft toy.

 

"Well, I still have a lot of tokens so have some. Let's get everything from this aisle~”

 

He handed some spare tokens that he bought to Mark. Before Mark could refuse, Donghyuck had already ran to another crane game but with food-themed plushies, he was well over excited to try again with the new trick he got from Mark. How adorable, Mark thought,

 

"Is that a challenge?"

 

Mark whispered to himself before running after Donghyuck who had already won another soft toy.

 

_He learns really fast._

 

 After getting high on their winning streak and almost making the arcade go bankrupt from all the plushies they won, the two decided to challenge each other to a basketball game, a classic game to play for bets, penalties and for wagers.

 

Mark placed the paper bag full of plushies beside the game. It was full of small, food-themed soft toys. There were some poking out the bag from how many there were, and as Donghyuck liked to say, it was proof of how much he loved Mark.

 

Donghyuck was only carrying a big bear plushie that was almost the size of his own torso, Mark had spent all of his tokens on trying to get it as it “looked like Hyuck”.

 

Slotting in their last token, they both exchanged glares. Donghyuck pointed two fingers to his eyes and turned them to point at Mark’s, causing Mark to break character and giggle at how dramatic he was being.

 

A fake bell rings and the game starts, the small slot coming up to release the many basketballs behind it. Their bodies flinched as they hurriedly started to pick up the balls and throwing them towards the hoop with no accuracy whatsoever, a few balls getting in from luck.

 

12... 13... 14...

 

Mark was on a spree! He found a trick to being more accurate, his arms slowing down as he took his time to shoot precisely, scoring a point each time. They had decided that the loser would have to buy lunch. Even though they  just ate, their stomachs were already grumbling. 

 

He glanced at Donghyuck, who was slowing down gradually, his arms shooting lower than before from how tired he was becoming. He didn’t expect to have a workout with Mark that day. Though slower, his throws were still as lousy as ever and Mark smirked to himself, confident in his victory and a free meal.

 

Down to the last few seconds and last balls, Mark didn’t miss a single one, scoring three consecutive points before the slot came back down and the bell rang thrice to announce the end of the game.

 

_121_

 

He panted as he read the score over and over again. He had beat his own highscore from before. While he punched the air to celebrate, Donghyuck slouched over and plopped down onto a nearby stool, breathing heavily, a little drop of sweat rolling down his forehead.

 

_73_

 

“I can’t believe it... I lost.”

 

Donghyuck said in between deep breaths. Mark exaggerated a laugh as he towered over the younger with his hands on his hips arrogantly. 

 

“I believe you owe me a meal?”

 

He waved his brows at the poor Donghyuck who was (fake) sobbing into his arms. 

 

“But I won you all that plushies!”

 

Donghyuck got up to fake a tantrum, stomping his feet and pouting cutely. If Mark Lee had a weakness, it would definitely be Donghyuck acting cute.

 

”It’s alright, I’m treating you the whole day anyway.”

 

”No, I feel bad. I’ll pay for my own food.”

 

This time, Donghyuck genuinely pouted, clenching his fists on both sides. Mark looked at him with surprise written all over his face. Though he did know Donghyuck for years so he was aware that once Donghyuck made up his mind, there was no stopping him.

 

He felt a little guilty, sighing as he had no choice but to smile fondly at the younger and nod.

 

”Fine.”

 

 

-

 

 

Shopping for more clothes, eating snacks along the way, taking picture of and with each other, they definitely  made full use of the day.

 

They were carrying so much bags that their shoulders started to feel sore. Mark’s wallet was literally crying but he didn’t regret a single cent used. The big, wide smile that was on Donghyuck’s face was enough to make him feel such a way. There was never an instance when Donghyuck’s smile disappeared throughout the day.

 

When they went shopping for clothes even though he had already bought some beforehand, he was beaming as he picked out numerous outfits for Mark to try, though some was absolutely ridiculous. 

 

And when they spotted a photobooth, they rushed inside with no hesitations. They put on many poses, some intentionally silly. Like how Donghyuck sassily put his leg up while closing his eyes dramatically and how Mark showed his back while he looked at the side with pouty lips for one shot. The photos stayed safe in Mark’s wallet.

 

”Did you have fun?”

 

Mark broke the comfortable silence between them. They were waiting for their manager to pick them up.

 

”Obviously. I’m gonna put this picture on the ceiling so I can see it before I sleep.”

 

Donghyuck waved his share of the photos at Mark’s face with a huge grin. Mark blushed at the comment and chuckled awkwardly.

 

”I hope we can go on another date, Mark Lee.”

 

And all the blood rushed to Mark’s face. He was exhausted yet he was still burning up every time Donghyuck flirted with him. Just when he was about to shout a retort, a black car pulled up in front of them, the windows rolling down as the manager’s face appeared. He smiled at them as a greeting.

 

”Oh, thanks, hyung.”

 

Mark and Donghyuck greeted him back, getting in the car before they shut the doors closed. They were both sitting in the backseat, a weird small gap between them. The younger must’ve noticed as he inched closer until their thighs touched. Once again, Mark’s cheeks flushed a deep red.

 

They chatted for a while until the car turned silent, Donghyuck fell sound asleep, the exhaustion washing over him completely. His head swung side to side as the car turned every now and then, until finally he met Mark’s shoulder.

 

Mark flinched a little, his shoulders tensing up for a small while until he calmed himself down. Donghyuck felt warm, in contrast to the cold air around them that came from the aircon in the car.

 

He felt a burning desire to hug him tightly and never let go, he wanted to experience more of Donghyuck’s warmth that reminded him of home, but he resisted, turning to stare at Donghyuck’s adorable sleeping face.

 

His bangs were swept away as his head leaned onto Mark’s shoulder, revealing his forehead. His eyelashes were short yet still noticeable. His pink lips were slightly apart, a small portion of his teeth shown. All in all, he was ethereal, even when sleeping.

 

Mark smiled to himself as he brought two fingers onto his lips, puckering them up a little to peck them, before pressing the very same fingers onto Donghyuck’s forehead. The touch was light yet a little prolonged as Mark was caught up in his beauty again.

 

If only he had enough confidence to actually kiss his forehead. But he was already happy like this.

 

”Sweet dreams, Hyuckie.”

 

**_I love you_ **

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i couldnt proofread this before posting OOMPH but ill do it soon i swEar


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 100 kudos and 18 bookmarks!!!!!!!!! oh my god thank you guys so much!!!!! quite the vanilla chapter this time, im really trying to work on the storys pacing. it went from 9 chapters planned... to 12... now its probably going to be 14? aaa i hope you guys would be patient enough !

Jaehyun took the noisy thermometer out of Mark’s mouth. 

 

40°C

 

Now that was a record. Jaehyun’s calm composure broke for a while as he stared with wide eyes at the thermometer and the numbers. He sighed and ruffled Mark’s hair, who was tucked in bed and hugging the sheets tightly.

 

“Yikes, didn’t know you can get _this_ sick.”

 

Jaehyun grimaced at Mark, showing him the results to which Mark gasped. But, in reality, he was as healthy as he could be. He didn’t feel even a tiny bit sick at all. He wasn’t feeling hot, too. The only thing he was, was uncomfortable from the wet, cold towel on his forehead. Mark’s hair was washed with the ice-cold water as the towel was not dried properly at all. Maybe Jaehyun’s weakness was taking care of sick people.

 

 

Mark had many tricks up his sleeve, all of which are for tricking his elders. When he was still in the Dreamies’ dorm, Donghyuck had ‘fallen terribly sick’. Mark and Kun, who came to visit, were deathly worried as his temperature was unusually high and his voice was so rusty that he just didn’t speak. Mark only found out when the always perceptive Jaemin realised.

 

He had drank boiling hot water before having his temperate be taken, but, even though he burnt his tongue, it was worth it as his act was even more believable. Although he never found out how to make his voice sound raspy, he chose to speak in only a few words with very long pauses.

 

”You wait here, I’ll get Taeyong and Doyoung.”

 

The door closes and Mark sprung into action once again. He jumped out of bed, took out some old makeup, specifically the blush and hurriedly put some on his cheeks, forehead, and ears. He was a genius! Mark scoffed to himself, proud with how flawless his acting was. But when he heard the doorknob turn, he dumped the makeup and brushes back into the drawer as if they costed him a single dollar.

 

“Mark! Are you really sick? Do you need us to call our managers and take you to the hospital!?”

 

Taeyong barged in his room, exclaiming worriedly. Mark almost thought that he was just rapping. The older eyed him up and down before rushing back outside, shouting about making some soup for him. Doyoung did the same, he rushed to Mark’s side with a concerned expression, which made Mark kind of guilty.

 

”Oh my god, you’re so red!”

 

A few moments later of acting sick with a dazed expression and squinting eyes and doing nothing but stare into space, Mark’s phone vibrated. He checked his phone under the sheets and saw that it was a new message from Jaemin. Oh, Jaemin. That bastard who probably already won his crush over. Wait, maybe not, Mark paused. It was Renjun after all.

 

**Jaemin**

yo i heard you had quite

the date ;)) wanna fill me in?

 

_It’s not a date!_

 

The rapper screamed interally. Although he truly wasn’t sick at all, not even the tiniest bit, his cheeks heated up as the text sent blood rushing to his face.

 

**You**

its!!! not!!! a date!!

 

**Jaemin**

whatever lover boy

hyuck told me everything

said something about you

winning him that ugly sunflower

really, hes been bragging about

it all day

 

”Really...?!”

 

Muttering under his breath, Mark’s lips curled into his signature sweet lopsided smile. No matter how witty and tough Donghyuck might seem, he really was just a soft, adorable boy who might be a little shy.

 

”Really what?”

 

A person who might’ve been in his room for much longer than he thought was standing at his door with a big, smug smirk. Of course, it was none other than Johnny.

 

”Wh—! Since when were you there?!”

 

The phone was almost sent flying as Mark’s body reacted in shock... and embarrassment. 

 

“You don’t sound sick at all... hm...”

 

Johnny pretended to ponder with his hand on his chin, leaning closer to Mark’s face to examine anything. Mark pressed his lips together and averted Johnny’s mocking gaze. 

 

“...Don’t tell them."

 

A loud laugh escaped Johnny’s lips at that. Mark didn’t even try to defend himself and with how easily Johnny saw through him, he felt even more humiliated at the thought of everyone just playing along with him, while he acted all arrogant about his acting.

 

Johnny huffed, looking at Mark’s flushed face until he burst out laughing again, much to Mark’s annoyance. 

 

“Seriously? Using a pink blush? You don’t need that when you can get this red from getting teased!”

 

To this, Mark took a pillow and pushed Johnny’s head down with it, causing Johnny to thrash vigorously from being strangled by an embarrassed teen. Though, Mark swore that he could still hear him laughing.

 

“Ah, seriously... Leave me alone! I had no choice!”

 

He dusted off his pillow before putting it back to place. Johnny panted deep breaths while still having that stupid grin on his face.

 

”No choice? Did something happen?”

 

The elder sat up and eyed Mark curiously. He actually really wanted to go back to his usual routine that day, however...

 

_“You really went all out!”_

 

_Donghyuck said excitedly, tiny crumbs falling out of his mouth as he stuffed his face with food. Mark thought it was kinda gross but also too cute as he looked like a hamster with his stuffed cheeks and pouty mouth to keep all the food in_

 

_“That’s cute... thanks.”_

 

_Donghyuck muttered softly, reaching for the sunflower plushie with timid hands. Mark couldn’t exactly see his face as he had angled it downwards, though the very red ears of the younger made Mark smile._

 

_“Sweet dreams, Hyuckie.”_

 

_The sweet nickname rolled off Mark’s tongue perfectly even though he had never said it before. He put two fingers close to his lips and pecked them before pressing the same fingers on Donghyuck’s forehead._

 

”AHH!”

 

”Jesus Christ!”

 

The younger rapper had taken a pillow and screamed into it to let everything out and also to hide his impossibly scarlet face. His heart was hammering in his chest as he recalled what had happened the previous day. Johnny looked at his hunched body and red ears like he was insane.

 

”Seriously, what happened?”

 

 

"..."

 

Johnny's shoulders slumped in disappointment in response to Mark's silence. Sighing, Johnny raised an eyebrow at the younger before signalling his leave. 

 

"Whatever, I won't force it. I'm gonna go help Doyoung make some soup for our sicky wittle boy~"

 

"Seriously, go away!"

 

Johnny cackled before rushing out the room to dodge Mark's flying pillow. Not leaving yet, he slipped in a hand into the small gap between his door and did a finger gun, to which Mark aggressively rolled his eyes to.

 

Turning back to his phone, Mark rolled over on the bed and continued reading Jaemin's texts... or not. Since he didn't reply right away, because of a certain someone, Jaemin took the chance to annoy Mark by attempting to crash his phone with all the single lettered texts he spammed the chat with. Mark groaned as the chat log was so flooded that he couldn't find the text he was reading before.

 

"Aww, Markie is sick!"

 

Speak of the devil. The person Mark did not want to see that day kicked his door open  with the smell of freshly-made chicken soup. Had it been literally anyone else, Mark would've thanked them for bringing him something to eat, even though he didn't really need it. But, of course, it was Na Jaemin, who was puckering his lips as if he was ready to drown Mark with disgusting kisses.

 

Mark physically cringed at the entrance of the younger, his head pulling back into a grimace, creating a deep nose scrunch and some extra chins. Jaemin winked at him as he set down the tray with the bowl of soup, chopsticks, a spoon and a small plate of... cheetos. Ugh, Johnny, Mark thought.

 

" _Why_ in the world are you here?! _When_ did you get here?!"

 

Mark rubbed his temples, he was already feeling a headache. Jaemin shrugged and ate some of Mark's cheetos, before stealing the whole plate away. Even though Mark hated the thought of Johnny just fisting a handful of cheetos into a small plate meant for sauces, he felt annoyed by the action.

 

"Why not? I came here to return something to Yuta, but I saw Doyoung and Taeyong fighting while making soup so I helped."

 

The younger put  his two hands under his face and wriggled his fingers cutely as Mark watched with a face that looked like he just caught a whiff of rubbish. 

 

He let out a breath before inching closer to the tray to pick up the spoon, dipping it inside the soup until there was enough on the spoon before blowing on it and putting it in his mouth. His face transformed into a blissful expression as he chewed on the vegetable pieces, letting out a small squeal of delight. As expected of NCT's chefs.

 

"So what business do you have to be faking sickness?"

 

Jaemin pulled a nearby chair in front of Mark. He smiled  slightly as Mark was digging into the soup like no tomorrow. The elder downed the rest of the soup down in only a few seconds as he took the bowl with two hands and drank from it. Jaemin looked at him with wide eyes as he set the bowl down, eyeing Jaemin cautiously before breaking out into a blushing mess.

 

"Before you ask how I know, Johnny told me."

 

"Well, you see, I uh, I..."

 

The memory of kissing Donghyuck's forehead indirectly punched Mark's stomach and it almost hurt him physically. He collapsed onto the bed, to his side, clutching the sheets as he hid his face from the younger. Jaemin huffed a breathless snicker as Mark muffled a few cries.

 

_"Sweet dreams, Hyuckie."_

 

At this point, Mark was literally trembling out of sheer embarrassment while Jaemin was wheezing and gasping for air as he laughed at Mark's little tantrum. With all the screaming and the pillows he shoved his head into, he could actually pass of as sick, his hair was pretty ruffled and his voice had turned a little croaky.

 

"Anyways, I- uh, had a little outing with Donghyuck."

 

He was only a few words in and Jaemin was already looking at him with a teasing face. He wasn't saying anything but Mark knew what he was thinking. Why did everyone think that they went on a date? All they did was eat together, play games together, win each other toys, shop together, indirectly kiss the other's forehead -- Okay, maybe it was a date. But Mark would rather run through Hell than admit it.

 

"Not a date! It really wasn't!"

 

"I didn't say anything."

 

"Shut up! Let me explain!"

 

Jaemin rolled his eyes at Mark. The fact that just recalling their date-like interactions caused Mark to turn into a steaming tomato amused Jaemin to no end, but also irritated him greatly as no matter how painfully obvious it was, Mark just wouldn’t accept his big fat crush.

 

I mean, who could blame Mark? Donghyuck was _stunning_.  His unique tanned skin made him so much more charming and maybe a little sexy, but Jaemin wasn’t into that. He was into “innocent” boys who beat up their team members.

 

”S-So yeah, I treated him to some food-“

 

”-A lot food-“

 

“-And we went to the arcade-“

 

”-Did disgusting PDA-“

 

”-and— Will you stop?!”

 

With each sentence, Mark grew more annoyed and even more flustered, if that was even possible. Jaemin putting all his effort into convincing Mark that it was, in fact, a date, was absolutely of no help. 

 

Despite all the annoyance and desire to hit Jaemin with a pillow, Mark could only let his breath hitch. For some reason, he couldn’t continue his next sentences, he couldn’t speak.

 

The familiar sensation of his breathing turning funny came all at once again. He clutched his shirt with weak hands, almost clawing at his own skin.

 

All of a sudden he was crying, and the atmosphere had turned awkward and tense. Jaemin had fallen silent, yet his lack of words was emitting guilt and sympathy.

 

”S-Sorry, I ruined the mood. A-And we were just laughing a-and all and yet— and yet I just had to cry- I-“

 

”Calm down, okay? It was my fault. Wait here, I’ll get more soup and some fried rice.”

 

Mark wished to have stopped Jaemin from leaving, even when he was only leaving for at most two minutes. The thought of being alone during his most vulnerable moments felt like a bunch of weights crushing him.

 

_What if someone that wasn’t Jaemin suddenly went in? What if they saw him crying like a pathetic loser? What if it was Donghyuck?_

 

Thefamiliar scent of the delicious chicken soup entered his nose, quickly sweeping away all the nightmarish thoughts. Jaemin wiped the just-washed chopsticks and spoon with a roll of tissue, before leaning the tray of food into Mark’s space.

 

As always, his expression was unreadable. Though Mark could see a small hint of sadness in those half-lidded eyes.

 

He sniffed, rubbing his nose and the corners of his eyes before picking up the chopsticks to take the piece of shrimp that poked out the yellow rice.

 

 _Delicious_.

 

But he couldn’t squeal or smile like before. He could only let his actions speak for themselves as he hurriedly took a spoonful of the fried rice before gulping down on the soup.

 

Jaemin stared at him from his seat, fingers interwined. It was a habit that showed whenever he was nervous or feeling a bit of anxiety. 

 

“Thank... you. That was good.”

 

Mark let out a small exhale as he drank the last bit of soup left. The plates and bowls were spotless, he must’ve been seriously hungry. Although his tone was almost robotic, Jaemin still felt the satisfaction of someone liking his cooking.

 

”It’s just that... yesterday... I...”

 

The older eyed Jaemin nervously, who nodded slowly and gestured for him to continue.

 

“I did a lot of disgusting things.”

 

“ _Two premium waffle sets for table 34 please.”_

 

_The cashier stared at him for a moment, to check for any sort of reluctance before carefully tapping some numbers on their screen. It was premium for a reason, it was basically a feast, not to mention, very costly._

 

_”You have quite the lucky date, sir.”_

 

_They commented as the screen imitated a ding to announce that the order has been received. The cashier smirked at Mark who could only chuckle awkwardly and blush as he felt it would be rude to correct._

 

_“The sunflower... it really reminded me of you. You know, ‘FullSun’?”_

 

_Mark commented. He had been thinking of the sentence ever since he won the plushie. They were currently waiting for their manager to pick them up so the event had been two hours ago. Donghyuck looked down at the soft toy, which was comfortably placed in his arms and smiled. A genuine, warm smile devoid of any mischief._

 

_”I’m happy that you like it so much.”_

 

_God, why did he felt so nervous? Donghyuck looked back at Mark, his face flooding with gratitude. He hummed sweetly in agreement._

 

_”Sweet dreams, Hyuckie.”_

 

_The nickname he had so badly wanted to say, rolled off his tongue smoothly as he placed the two fingers he kissed onto the singer’s forehead. His mind was screaming a single sentence made up of three, special words._

 

**_I love you_ **

 

The expression on Jaemin’s face was of pure disbelief. He was looking at Mark like he had murdered someone.

 

Jaemin groaned, thinking about the summarised story Mark had just told him. Though dragged as Mark stuttered and paused a lot, Jaemin could almost imagine the events perfectly, as if he were in Mark’s shoes.

 

He felt frustrated with the elder, but then he remembered about how he wasn’t used to liking guys. The fact that he cried so hard about the way he basically flirted with Donghyuck, was enough for Jaemin.

 

”...But, did you regret it?”

 

Jaemin almost whispered. Mark lifted his face from his palm and looked at Jaemin, shocked, and actually really offended.

 

‘ _Regret’?_

 

_Did he regret seeing Donghyuck smile as wide as he could?_

 

”No, definitely not. No way, not a single chance.”

 

If anything, he cherished the sight. What he hated was the way he felt seeing it. The way his heart would speed up so much and how his cheeks would redden when he would see Donghyuck’s heart-shaped grin.

 

”Do you want to stop liking him?"

 

_I do, I really do._

 

_But I would hate to see him date someone else. Someone who isn't me._

 

"...Yes."

 

If he had not loved Donghyuck, would things be better? For sure, he wouldn't have to be crying so much and being so grossed out by himself. But then he wouldn't have had the date with Donghyuck. He wouldn't have pushed him. He wouldn't have yearned to see his smile everyday. 

 

But.

 

Would he have been happier?

 

Yesterday was the first time he had felt euphoria. He couldn't stop smiling after it, even when he was about to sleep, he was grinning like an idiot to himself. The way he had let himself loose that day, it felt so good. With Donghyuck, he was as real as he could be. No acting for the cameras, no pretending. He was the real Mark Lee who was kind of awkward, a little shy who had a big heart full of love to give the younger.

 

If he hadn't fallen for Donghyuck, he would always have to be the Mark Lee who raps with a spiteful glare in his eyes, or the cutesy Mark Lee who danced with a permanent smile on his face. He wasn't intimidating or scary, nor was he child-like and pure.

 

The fact that he liked Donghyuck didn't really get him, but Donghyuck was a guy. Liking a guy was terrifying. He couldn't exactly explain why, but he despised the concept.

 

"He's a guy. I can't like him, Jaemin."

 

Mark replied, disgust leaking onto his tone. His eyes were frighteningly dead, like he had given up on something, and yet he chose to hold onto his brittle beliefs. 

 

"But you do. Who even said you can't do so?"

 

Jaemin stated. He sounded like he was about done with Mark's complaints. No matter how hard he tried, he still couldn't understand the reason why Mark was brimming with desperation. But, that in itself could be helpful. 

 

Mark knew that there was no such rule that he couldn't like guys. His family wasn't against such things, and neither was Mark. But after crushing on all those girls in his past, suddenly liking a guy seemed revolting. He had no idea when it had started either. To make matters worse, he had fallen deeply in love with said boy, when the crushes he had on his female classmates were small, one-week eye candies. 

 

But there were no such rules so there was nothing to disobey, no rules to break in the first place.

 

"The thing is, I've _never_ , liked a guy! _Never_! In my whole life!"

 

 The younger's shoulders twitched. Mark practically yelled at him, but he was too immersed in his thoughts to care.

 

"Now you do! You've never liked a guy so he's your first! It doesn't mean that you like _only_ guys ever since the beginning! And who cares?! He makes you happy, doesn't he?! If yes, then what's the problem? I don't get you, Mark!"

 

Jaemin balled his fist to punch the spot beside him. His body raised in frustration, sitting up more upright than ever. He had never lost his composure like this before, and it was all because nothing was getting into Mark's thick head. The elder looked at him, dumbfounded. He had leaned back in a bit of fear as he had never seen Jaemin so angry. He had never even heard him raise his voice.

 

Clicking his tongue, Mark avoided his gaze and turned to look down at his fingers, fiddling with them. Jaemin sat back down as the room was filled with an awkward silence.

 

_Jaemin was right._

 

Being with Donghyuck made him so, so happy. His smile alone could bring him to cloud nine. Though mischievious and kinda annoying, Mark adored everything he does. He was unpredictable, in a very good way that Mark could never get enough of.

 

"I'll ask you this, then."

 

Jaemin paused to look at Mark with somewhat of a sad smile that Mark didn't know the meaning of. 

 

"Do you want to make him happy? As happy as he makes you?"

 

 

To see Donghyuck look ecstatic because of him, that would be a dream. Their outing was something special to him, but he wanted it to be a special memory for Donghyuck too. He wanted Donghyuck to look at the photos they took and smile as he remember the events on that day. He wanted Donghyuck to look forward to another date with him. Just like he did.

 

When Donghyuck hugged the sunflower plushie like no tomorrow, it made Mark want to buy him more gifts. He wanted Donghyuck to look surprised, and touched when he would hand him presents. He longed to see Donghyuck thank him with a big, unwavering bright smile.

 

And when Donghyuck took a bite of the waffle set, he hummed in delight. His eyes were closed shut and shaped like crescent moons and his lips were pressed together like a letter C. Mark felt the burning desire to buy him all his favourite foods. He remembered how he would feel whenever Donghyuck cooked him something, and he felt the need to learn how to cook so that Donghyuck would also squeal when he eats his food.

 

The view of his sleeping face made Mark want to shower him with love. To tell him that he has worked hard, that he's doing well and is making everyone proud. That he has nothing to worry about as he was talented with many skills. That the fans loved him. 

 

He wanted to make Donghyuck, not just happy, but to always feel like he was the best.

 

The dirty fog in Mark's mind dissipated, leaving it with only the best memories and feelings. The desire to make Donghyuck happy; Mark would be more than glad to take it up. He felt clean, as all of his worries seemed to have washed away just from imagining all sorts of plans he would have with Donghyuck in the future.

 

A small smile replaced his permanent frown and Jaemin huffed in satisfaction.

 

"Yeah. I do."

 

He paused, rubbing the tear stains off his face.

 

"I want to make him as happy as he can be."

 

Jaemin grinned, a hint of melancholy mixing in. He looked ahead, when there was only a plain white wall facing him. Mark watched as the smile disappeared slowly.

 

"That's good. That's... good, yeah. Good for you."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiatus announced! sorry!!! im currently having to study for entrance exams ;;;; so ill be in a hiatus for about 2 weeks;;; i miiiiiight manage to slip in a chapter or two during it... also sorry if the chapters are gettinf a bit shorter and rushed,,,,


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiatus over! thank you for waiting patiently and a happy new year to everyone!!!!! hope you all will have a good 2019!

It was heavy. Even though Mark's biggest problem was just, kind of, solved, they weren't celebrating or smiling genuinely. Mark was happy, overjoyed even. He had so many sleepless nights full of tears and late night calls to Johnny, he wanted to smile, as wide as he could until his lips reached his ears.

 

"Jaemin? Did something happen?"

 

Mark questioned, hesitating to reach an arm to pat Jaemin's back. His previous words were laced with so much hidden meanings that were seemingly not so happy. The always calm Jaemin was in front of him, visibly shaking, as if he was about to break any second.

 

Jaemin twitched at the gesture, but he didn't push Mark's hand away. Letting out a deep breath, Jaemin turned to smile. A smile that was so artificial that Mark had to grimace. Crooked, lopsided and wavering. Though, he knew that he shouldn't push the younger for reasons.

 

"Nothing, Mark. Sorry, I brought down the mood, but I'm seriously happy for you, 'kay? See ya."

 

The younger persisted on keeping his obviously fake smile as he nodded at Mark's worried gaze. He picked up whatever trash was laying around his room, which he never bothered to notice when he first went inside. The rapper could only watch as he gave him another forced smile before leaving.

 

But, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to celebrate for a while. 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

“What brings you here, Mark?”

 

Johnny questioned half-heartedly.

 

Even though he didn’t tell the truth to the elder members and apologise for feigning illness, he covered everything up by saying he had just caught a small cold from the season. With that out of the way, Mark was set on celebrating with Johnny. Johnny, the person who went through everything Mark went through. Although he acted reluctant at times, he still supported Mark with everything he had.

 

Of course he deserved some kind of celebration now that he can finally sleep peacefully from then on, without some younger member calling him every night.

 

Mark had barged in the waiting room outside the recording studio, when his session was supposed to be hours after the older rapper. He watched in admiration as Johnny not only rapped with impact, but also sang with calm. He couldn’t help but feel a little mad as he saw the producer cut his parts to shorter and shorter until he was only saying a few words.

 

When Mark had heard the door click, he sprung up, hands tied together in some kind of nervousness and contrastingly, excitement. The door opens wide and Johnny appeared, an almost empty water bottle clutched in his hand, while the other rolled through his hair. He was too tired to give Mark a proper surprised reaction.

 

”You did really good, dude.”

 

The younger complimented, adoration sparkling in his eyes. Johnny chuckled in response. The elephant in the room was that they both knew that little to no parts would get in the actual song, but Johnny still very much appreciated the praise.

 

”Thanks, buddy. So? Your session is in two hours, is there something I’m missing?”

 

He plopped down onto the sofa behind, bouncing back from the impact. The rapper let out a big groan of relief as he let the softness of the sofa engulf his limbs. Mark rolled his eyes at the exaggeration, sitting down a bit gentler than the elder.

 

First, he fidgetted about, swaying his shoulders side to side while glancing up at Johnny cutely. Second, he played with his fingers, looking down as if he was hesitating to break out the news, which was killing Johnny for the amount of anticipation Mark was creating. Third, Mark let out a big exhale, putting a hand to his chest and shouting his usual, elongated ‘Okay!’.

 

”Well... you see...”

 

Mark scooted a bit closer, his voice purposely soft. Johnny craned his neck forward, waiting for the news to finally drop.

 

”I’m in love with Hyuck.”

 

Dead silence.

 

Mark pursed his lips tight, fighting the incoming grin as he watched Johnny’s expression change from blank, to widened eyes and hanging mouth, to bouncing in the sofa and punching the air while cheering Mark on like he had won the olympics.

 

The younger celebrated with him, laughing hysterically at Johnny’s antics to the point where he was hunched over, gasping for air while Johnny continued to dance as if there were no bones in his body.

 

”Yes! Hell yes!”

 

He screeched, clenching his fists as if in victory, causing Mark to let out the biggest wheeze. The elder started to cheer about not having to wake up in the early morning to Mark sobbing or Mark’s texts that were horribly filled with typos that made Johnny’s eye twitch, with Mark punching his back as he whined about how mean he was being.

 

They were being so loud that their manager had to come out to hush them, though he was stifling a giggle as he had heard their muffled war cries from inside.

 

”Are you serious?! Mark?!”

 

Johnny said rather breathlessly as he dived back onto the sofa. He glanced at Mark, who was looking ahead, with so much love in his smiling eyes. 

 

“Yeah, I talked with Jaemin, and well, yeah. I accept it now, I guess.”

 

He chuckled sheepishly. He was so busy daydreaming about Donghyuck that he didn’t notice Johnny staring at him with a smug expression that would never be shown on screen. Though, the weird silence got him back to his senses.

 

”What?”

 

”He’s got you bad, huh?”

 

To that, Mark flushed a deep red. He snapped his head away, avoiding eye contact with Johnny who giggled at his reaction. Yet, he had a small smile on his face as he did so. Maybe getting teased wasn’t so bad.

 

Johnny finally looked away, with a knowing nod. He understood Mark’s feelings, maybe more than he had thought. To feel so warm, soft and fuzzy because of one single, special person, it was a sensation that he was very familiar with.

 

Ten was flirty, effortless in his shameless actions and words. Johnny was flirty as well but as soon as the sweet words fly out his mouth, he turns into a blushing, embarrassed mess. Ten was unpredictable, sassy and sarcastic but with a hidden caring side that members joked about it being ‘rare like a blue moon’, but Johnny felt like he had always experienced it. Maybe it was false hope, or maybe not, that was the only hard part about loving Ten.

 

“So what are you planning?”

 

Surely, Mark must have thought of some plan to win Donghyuck’s heart, Johnny thought. Mark was like him, it was expected. Knowing the sappy romantic Mark was, Johnny cringed at the scenarios in his head.

 

Mark would probably be the type to invite Donghyuck to a really fancy date, all suited up, with scented candles everywhere. Offering to pay the bill, covering a puddle with his  jacket and holding Donghyuck’s hand as he walks over the puddle.

 

”Buy him his favourite drink...?”

 

 _Nevermind_.

 

He was a _hopeless_ romantic. Johnny sighed, faking a headache as he rubbed his temples together while Mark innocently thought of how he would deliver the drink. With one hand or two hands? Or maybe... with feet? 

 

”Seriously, Mark Lee?”

 

 Did he even know what Donghyuck’s favourite drink was? Is he thinking about giving the drink with his feet? Mark shrugged, raising his open palms casually like what he was thinking was normal, at least by Johnny’s standards. 

 

Johnny spoilt Ten like a prince. Yet all his gifts had a very romantic taste to them. For example, he had bought Ten and him matching phone cases of a cutesy animal on the back. He wasn’t even shy or subtle with showing it in front of the camera. The birthday presents that he bought Ten over the years were so very precious but not so grand and big. Johnny didn’t expect Ten to be the type to safe-keep the set of piercings and earrings that he bought him.

 

“Well, I’m not so confident that he likes me back, man. I really don’t want to creep him out!”

 

Well, he had a point, Johnny concluded. Mark emphasised his words, he was genuine and wasn’t ill-intentioned at all but he was way too awkward. Johnny gave him an teasing expression that screamed “Oh, really?”,  as he poked and pulled his ears like a child. Mark started to hit him again out of panic, screaming whatever insults he could muster, in both English and Korean, and some in Chinese that he heard Renjun say to Chenle during a very heated arguement.

 

”Dude, seriously! Stop teasing me!”

 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, Markie. By the way, Doyoung said to meet him up after your session.”

 

”What? Doyoung? Why?”

 

Mark froze. He knew for a fact that he hasn’t done anything so bad that Doyoung had to call him out recently. Well, he _might_ have broken Chenle’s favourite mug, but that was for Kun to deal with.

 

Johnny mimicked his dazed expression, hanging his mouth open and exaggerating shock, reminding Mark of when he would say something embarrassing on screen and Johnny would give him that exact same face. The younger wheezed, followed by Johnny who continued to giggle.

 

”I don’t know either. He said it was about something only you know about.”

 

The elder huffed, mumbling something about Mark keeping secrets from him. He wasn’t particularly close to Doyoung, not as close as he was with Donghyuck, Johnny or Jaemin, so he wondered what Doyoung could be referring to.

 

Speaking of which, it’s been a while since he had talked with Donghyuck. Well, actually just four days, but he missed hearing his unique voice already. If only their recording sessions were right after or before each other’s. It would have been the best if his recording session was  before Donghyuck’s so that they could go to the studio together, and Mark can bathe in his angelic vocals as he sings into the mic.

 

”Thinking about loverboy?”

 

“Oh, shut up.”

 

 

 

-

 

 

He was really there.

 

Doyoung, not Donghyuck, unfortunately.

 

His recording session was hours before Mark. The younger remembered Doyoung coming home to dive back into his room just when he was about to go into the kitchen to drink water. Typical. Doyoung himself admitted on television that he never leaves the dorm, much less his own room.

 

For him to personally want to meet Mark up, it was definitely a threat to his well-being.

 

“Ah, why do you look so scared?!”

 

He whined, slouching his shoulders forward and giving Mark almost a pleading expression. 

 

“It’s just that I thought you were going to kill me!”

 

 Mark retorted with wide, surprised eyes. Doyoung sighed deeply before crossing his arms. 

 

"I wasn't even planning on that! The one you should be scared of is Youngho."

 

He imitated a shiver as he shook his arms close to his chest. Mark nodded in agreement. Johnny was for sure, one of the scariest members. Even Yuta and Doyoung quake in fear of him, so they stay on his good side as much as possible.

 

"Well, I thought like, since you never, uh, you're always in your room, you'd only call me out to beat me up!"

 

The younger explained cautiously, analysing Doyoung's face for any signs of anger. Doyoung only huffed a sigh of defeat and whined about him being exaggerating. He wasn't _that_ mean, he says, to which Mark thought about him basically admitting that he was, indeed, an asshole to some degree.

 

"Look, I came here to pick you up and get us to Taeyong's. I'll explain later."

 

Doyoung reached a hand out to the younger who was sitting on the sofa, talking like he was reading off a script. Mark lightly slapped his hand away as he got up, causing Doyoung to react in faux offense. He was always like that. His way of giving affection was by picking fights -- though, he did, indeed, have a soft spot for Jeno and Jungwoo and Jaehyun was the only one who could get away with teasing him.

 

How would Donghyuck's and his relationship go, he wonders. Would they be all up on each other's necks like Doyoung and Jaehyun? As much as they like to bicker, Donghyuck had a calmer, mature side to him that he didn't show much to the camera, maybe even a little quiet, like he was in his own little world. Then would they be flirty like Ten and Johnny? That one was right off the list already. Mark was too awkward and shy to flirt at all, he would probably wink with both eyes if he tried.

 

"Oh, can we stop by a mini store later?"

 

Doyoung quirked a brow at this. Though, it wasn't long before a cheeky smile appeared on his face. Mark really was like an open book at times. 

 

"I see. Hyuck's currently craving some milk tea, so maybe you should get some for him."

 

_Thank God for Doyoung._

 

 _“_ W-Well, I guess it can’t be helped, huh.”

 

Awkwardly crossing his arms like stiff sticks, he pouted like Donghyuck being needy was a big inconvenience to him. Doyoung could only roll his eyed at Mark’s pathetic attempt at being subtle.

 

Donghyuck and Mark did have one of the best, if not the best chemistry as a pair among all of them. Sometimes portrayed as polar opposites, they did have some clashing traits and beliefs but at the end of the day, it was impossible to deny their bond. 

 

Doyoung knew that Donghyuck is tricky to love, with how unpredictable he is. His skinship may seem misleading but since he does it with everyone, it was normal. He also seemed uninterested in actually finding romance for himself. He was purposely even more cheeky with Mark being very adamant in rejecting his “love” in hilarious ways. 

 

But, maybe, Doyoung thought, maybe Mark could somehow hit the bullseye mark on his heart. 

 

Despite the fact that they were still kids to him, they still were able to handle such things quite smoothly, unlike someone he knew. Or people he knew.

 

”Taeyong? I’m here with Mark.”

 

Doyoung spoke loud and clear, not breaking eye contact with the small camera on the door. Mark nodded and sneaked in a peace sign, hoping Taeyong could see it through the tiny lens.

 

After a few clattering here and there and heavy footsteps, the door finally opens with some beeps and clicks. It was the private house of an idol after all.

 

”What’s up, guys! Jaehyun’s already here by the way.“

 

Taeyong greeted with his usual beautiful smile. His lack of makeup did not hinder him from being any less handsome at all, making Mark speechless and frozen for a moment before rushing back to the two who were already walking down the hallway. 

 

The fact that he had known Taeyong for years yet could still be paralysed from his looks, says a lot, and raises the question of who he had his eyes on even higher. Who would be lucky enough to deserve such an angel who had godly visuals? godly cooking and a godly amount of kindness?

 

”Doyoungie!”

 

The other singer looked away with a click of his tongue as soon as they enter the kitchen. Jaehyun beamed at the sight of his boyfriend with his crescent moon eyes and small, cute dimples, causing Doyoung’s false frown to waver.

 

Taeyong chuckled at this while Mark huffed a giggle. 

 

“Mark, do you know why we called you here?”

 

”Not really. Doyoung said that it’s about something only I know? I don't even tell him anything."

 

"Tch."

 

Laughter erupted as Doyoung huffed with arms tightly crossed, like a child about to throw a tantrum. Mark stuttered desperately, trying to clear any misunderstanding that the older must have. Taeyong heaved a sigh while he set down a cups of tea on the table.

 

"You really need to hang out with the others more. It's not like Jeno and Jaemin would disappear if you do."

 

Doyoung scoffed at Taeyong's painfully truthful statement. He _was_ known for displaying favouritism towards the two mentioned Dreamies as they were the only ones who would actually listen to him and obey him with little to no complaints, whereas Chenle would whine and Donghyuck would escape, while Mark would pretend to not understand him.

 

"Well, I'm not going to go and get bullied by those satan spawns like Kun and Ten."

 

"Chenle and Jisung aren't _that_ bad!"

 

Mark exclaimed, though laughter erupted once more. At this point, Jaehyun was almost experiencing an asthma attack from the conversations they were having. Doyoung couldn't help but to snicker at this, ruining whatever sassy façade he had.

 

"So you _do_ admit that they're somewhat insane cavemen?"

 

The elders teased him, beckoning him to flush a deep red like always but Mark stayed on ground as he remembered that the milk tea he bought for Donghyuck was getting watery and a little lukewarm, though a small pink crept up his ears.

 

"Alright, fine! Aren't we going a bit off-topic?"

 

"You're right, we don't really have all day, do we?"

 

Jaehyun finally commented and Mark thanked him internally. The other two cleared their throat in slight embarrassment from getting too excited, but it could be for another reason. Taeyong looked particularly troubled and nervous.

 

"Mark, what we wanted to ask was, do you, by any chance, know about Johnny and Ten's relationship with each other?"

 

 A type of shyness that contradicted Taeyong's sharp looks emitted from the rapped as he stumbled over his words. An obviously failed attempt at being subtle was his only result. Any smiles or giggling disappeared, initiating their 'serious talk'. Doyoung looked strikingly concerned while Jaehyun was nervously scratching his cheeks, neck and head, and Mark didn't know how to react.

 

It wasn't long before all the dots connected in his head. From how much Taeyong treasured a certain patterned handkerchief that seemed to match with Johnny's, to how he described his eye candy to Mark in the cafe, and finally, to the question he raised. Mark... Mark couldn't find his voice.

 

He cherished Taeyong, but he cherished Johnny as well, maybe even more as they were closer. He felt like there were rocks on his back.

 

"It's... It's a difficult question, right? I'm sorry, Mark."

 

The older rapper interrupted the deafening silence. Mark couldn't find it in him to feel relieved, though. No words were said but he knew, and he'd rather not actually hear about it. 

 

Ten was lucky, in a way. He had Johnny, the sweetest, funniest and arguably the most romantic. As well as Taeyong, the kindest, most charismatic and perhaps, the cutest. He didn't know how Ten felt, he didn't even know if the singer knew about the two pining after him, but he would have to eventually. It would be hell to reject one over another or worse, reject both.

 

"Oh, it's getting late...Shit! The bubble tea got watery!"

 

They had managed to ignore the troublesome question and had fun themselves, with Jaehyun treating Taeyong's house like his own to which Taeyong would smack his head in response to him grabbing whatever he wanted from the fridge. He tried to have fun as well. He screamed whenever he would lose a game, he'd enjoy his share of snacks and tea. And yet, he felt like there were weights on his back the entire time.

 

He kept thinking about how he should have responded. With Taeyong's rare nervous fidgeting, stuttering, his sentences oozing hidden melancholy as Jaehyun and Doyoung looked with helplessness in their eyes. Of course they would ask Mark. He was closer to Johnny than anyone, maybe except for one or two. But it was like he had to choose one.

 

If he had chosen to spill everything about Johnny and his feelings towards Ten, he would be siding with Taeyong and betraying Johnny, which he would never ever do in a million years. But he hadn't said anything, they must've assumed that he was on Johnny's side. He didn't want that at all either. He didn't want to pick sides, betray anyone... he didn't want to get involved. All he wanted was to surprise Donghyuck with the milk tea and see his smile.

 

"Alright, say 'Hi' to Hyuck-ah for me!"

 

Jaehyun exclaimed from the kitchen as Mark struggled to wear his sneakers again. As always, Mark blushed right away as giggling was heard from inside, the others knowing full well about his reaction.

 

The walk back was crushing. He felt a part of him wanting to go back and apologise to Taeyong and tell him everything, but he resisted. It's not like he _had_ to fix their problems or assist them. He could offer some moral support but that's as much involvement as it is. His attention drifted to the milk tea in his hands, which was all drenched in water droplets and lukewarm. The ice cubes that were previously nested inside had melted and turned the milk tea watery.

 

Donghyuck shouldn't have to drink something like that. Mark hustled his back forward, checking how much he had in his wallet and he immediately sighed. He forgot to take back his wallet from the Dreamies' dorm. Knowing them, they probably stole it and divided the money among them, or Jeno or Kun kept it for him.

 

"This tastes pretty bad."

 

He muttered under his breath as he forced himself to finish the watery milk tea. He had a few coins and one or two notes in his pockets and though that if he couldn't get Donghyuck the milk tea that he craved, maybe he should just get something milk tea flavoured. 

 

What could he say? He was a genius.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

"Donghyuck?"

 

"Mark?"

 

The door opens slowly and he was immediately met with a sleepy lopsided smile from Donghyuck. Mark took a lot of damage from that, cursing himself for not mentally preparing for such an attack. He showed the younger a small white plastic bag while he looked at Mark curiously.

 

"I bought this for you... Okay, bye."

 

Looking away with obviously tinted ears, he handed the bag over. Donghyuck beamed at this, taking it right away with grateful hands. As soon as that was over, Mark felt as stiff and awkward as a stick, making a run for his room to shut himself in in embarrassment, Donghyuck's small grateful smile plastered all over the walls of his mind.

 

"You never said good night!"

 

Donghyuck shouted from across the hallway, still having his wits despite being half-asleep. Mark felt himself smile as he dashed inside his room before shutting it closed, panting behind it as he recalled the 2-minute interaction.

 

"Ahh, I'm hopeless..."

 

He whined beneath his hands that covered his red cheeks.

 

 

-

 

 

_Knock knock_

 

The door sounded, interrupting his peaceful slumber. The air was cold and the room was dark, only dimly lit by the building lights outside. Mark opened his eyes until he was just squinting. He didn't know the times but it felt way too early to be 7 am. 

 

"Mark?"

 

A voice came from the other side, and Mark took more than he'd like to admit to register it as Johnny's. But that was enough for Mark to jump awake. Johnny never bothered to call Mark out from his room or wake him up for anything. He switched off his phone and felt his eyeballs almost pop off.

 

"Johnny?! It's 3:40 am!"

 

 He yelled back in a raspy voice as he limped to open the door. Johnny was wide awake, he stumbled a little as he was leaning on the door. Mark didn't need to be fully awake to notice how worried and anxious Johnny looked.

 

"How about you accompany me to the dance studio?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My writing got sucky here,,,, sorry ive been VERY busy with school so i cldnt have time to write and improve


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i finally finished all drafts for all the next 6 chapters so uploading sched might be a bit proper now!!! though i still am busy with a LOT of school work........ have a great day everyone! i have a new fic in the works too... should i make a twitter for updates?

_”Stay... Oh!”_

 

Not missing a single beat, his steps were fluid as he maintained a small, bright smile. Johnny’s shoes squeaked with every move, matching the song’s rhythm in a satisfying way. As much as he’d love to admire his dancing skills, Mark was on the verge of just sleeping his life away.

 

Was it some sort of petty revenge that he set up? Or was something wrong? Mark couldn’t tell at all. To make matters worse for him, the air conditioning was amazing, it was cold enough for him to just sleep comfortably on the hard wooden floor.

 

The music stopped as Johnny wiped sweat off his neck with the very same lavender dog-patterned towel, but Mark didn’t find it cute anymore. 

 

“Sleepy? I’m not doing this on purpose, by the way.”

 

Nudging Mark before he could drift off into a deep sleep, Johnny hummed. The younger rubbed his eyes lousily with loose fists. He felt a little hint of relief after hearing Johnny’s words.

 

”That’s good.”

 

He almost whispered, to which Johnny chuckled in response. While the elder sat down with a loud groan, Mark squinted his eyes, trying his best to examine Johnny’s expression with his cloudy brain. His tone was cheery, yet his eyes and eyebrows seemed to contradict.

 

Uncomfortable, stuffy silence drifts between the both of them. Mark was waiting for Johnny to speak, but the latter couldn’t find his words nor his composure. 

 

Until he finally hung his head and exhaled heavily. Mark quirked a brow.

 

“It’s about Ten.”

 

”Huh?”

 

Mark whipped his head back at the mention of the singer’s name. He had tried not to think so hard about Taeyong‘s whole situation. 

 

He shut his eyes tight, the fatigue from previously leaving no trace behind, he didn’t want Johnny to know. He was too kind, he would probably give up and let Taeyong be with Ten, whom he spoilt like a prince.

 

And that was something his heart wouldn’t be able to handle. If only he had just not listened to Doyoung, and went home right away.

 

”You know about it, don’t you? I’m sorry. It’s too... heavy. It’s too heavy for someone as exhausted as you to deal with.”

 

“But you don’t have anyone else to talk to... uh, do you?”

 

He hesitated, pausing in between words. But the message was delivered and Johnny was silenced. He smiled slightly, ruffling Mark’s hair, causing the younger to yelp in surprise.

 

”You make it sound like I have no friends, but... yeah.”

 

Johnny paused to stare at the towel with eyes that reminded Mark of Jaemin’s. He smiled a pathetic smile, but Johnny never cries, he thought. He was strong.

 

”It must be lame for someone you look up to, to be so hung up over a crush...”

 

“...We got into a fight.”

 

The slight tremble in his voice cracked a part of Mark’s heart. Curiousity and concern mixing inside his mind.

 

By then, he was already fully awake, from pure shock. Sure, Ten was sassy and sarcastic that it almost got annoying, whereas Johnny was straightforward and doesn’t like to sugarcoat. But they never really argue.

 

Though, for Mark, hearing Taeyong’s name be mentioned was enough for him to understand and at that instant he wanted to go home and erase his memories.

 

”...And I was feeling so damn insecure that I felt the need to confront him. Was all my effort wasted? Was he just acting happy with all the gifts I gave him? If he was dating _him,_ couldn’t he have at least informed me?”

 

Johnny clawed onto his poor hair strands, pulling them and scratching his scalp in pure frustration. The slight raise in his voice made Mark jump in his spot.

 

Everything Johnny was saying about Taeyong was wrong. They weren’t true, not even slightly, and he hated the fact that he didn’t know how to prove Johnny wrong.

 

What if something slips and he spills Taeyong’s secret? What if he indirectly ruins their friendship? 

 

Despite that, Mark didn’t like the idea of a misunderstanding growing bigger and bigger as time goes.

 

“They aren’t...”

 

”They aren’t dating. Taeyong and Ten.”

 

The older froze.

 

Turning to look at Mark, he was prepared to shut down his statement, but refused the idea as soon as he saw his expression.

 

”Really?”

 

”Yeah.”

 

“...”

 

A thick gulp went down Mark’s throat. Again with the suffocating silence. It scared Mark a little with how fast Johnny changed and how  he managed to hide his feelings. He almost forgot that he came here to dance and practice for a new song.

 

Johnny was still staring Mark down. His eyes were a little red and sore from the sides, his mouth was slightly agape and his hair was a little over messy.

 

Mark stared back, albeit nervously, though he was starting to feel his eyelids get heavier and heavier.

 

“Thanks, Mark.”

 

A small voice told him as his body was suddenly wrapped around someone’s broad back. After the small few minutes of energy that Mark got from pure shock, his exhaustion returned.

 

Next thing he knew, his body was shaking up and down slightly. Opening his eyes slightly, he recognised Johnny’s messy hair immediately. As he looked around him, he slowly came to realise that he was receiving a piggy back ride home. The chilly air hit his cheeks as Johnny huffed about.

 

”Johnny?”

 

”Don’t worry about me, it’s just payback.”

 

The younger felt his face heat up from embarrassment. How long has Johnny been carrying him like that? With their height difference, he probably looked like a koala hugging a very big tree.

 

Johnny stopped in his tracks to adjust Mark, hopping a little so that Mark doesn’t slip off. He holds onto Mark’s left leg tightly as he pats his back, gesturing for him to go back to sleep, and Mark obeys.

 

The next time he opened his eyes, he was met with the familiar view of the wooden planks supporting the top bunk. A floating aroma of eggs and bacon mixed with a distant sizzling sound caused a small rumble in his stomach.

 

His eyes still felt overwhelmingly heavy, whereas his body was paralysed under the extremely comfortable sheets. The air conditioner was at its peak, it would be impossible to sleep without blankets. Minimal sunlight entered from the outside, as the sun was not fully up yet and it was early enough for the binds to still be down.

 

With much reluctance, he gets up, for he knew who would be in the kitchen due to some sort of sixth sense.

 

”Quite the early bird, aren’t you?”

 

Mark yawned, scratching his belly with cold hands. Having just finished his morning routine, he wanted to go back to his soft sheets.

 

Of course it was Donghyuck. The dorm auntie was out for the day, and so breakfast would have to be in one of their hands. Had it been the usual chefs, Taeyong or Doyoung, they would have made a whole feast by then, which would follow up with them crashing into rooms in the silliest ways.

 

As much as Donghyuck is portrayed as the rebellious, mischievious youngest, he still had a sense of maturity and a lot of love for his members.

 

It wouldn’t hurt to surprise them with a little breakfast, especially when he was in a good mood.

 

Mark hummed as a reply, grabbing a milk carton and two glasses before sitting down at the table.

 

”I got too lazy to actually cook some good breakfast like Taeyong.”

 

The younger said in a voice slightly above a whisper. Moving his right hand about as he flipped some bacon and ham while his other hand held onto the pan.

 

To Mark, who knew Donghyuck’s secret language, it meant that he does not think of himself as such a great cook like his older brothers, and that Mark should not have any high expectations.

 

”Well, I am craving some eggs right now, so...”

 

He shrugged, sporting a small smile. Donghyuck huffed, his lips curling up a little.

 

”Ahh, finally! You guys better pay me for this!”

 

After setting down plates and forks, Donghyuck groaned, stretching his arms behind his back as he sat down on the seat in front of Mark. He nodded his head as Mark pushed the other glass towards him.

 

And in Donghyuck-language, that sentence meant that he was, in fact, happy to care for his members  by cooking them breakfast, but he was embarrassed about it. Cute, Mark thought.

 

They sat in comfortable silence as Mark gulped down his breakfast that seemed to be more delicious for the fact that he saw Donghyuck make it. He didn’t notice Donghyuck smiling at him doing so.

 

”Does it satisfy your palate, Mark Lee?”

 

”I’d prefer a medium rare bacon in the future.”

 

“No fun.”

 

 

They giggled to themselves, acting like their small skit was the funniest thing in that moment. Mark glanced at Donghyuck’s expression, with his heart-shaped smile and his crescent moon eyes. Almost instantly, his worries disappeared immediately.

 

”Hyuck? Do you know about Taeyong and-“

 

”Ten and Johnny? Yeah.”

 

Donghyuck replied with a monotone, seeming like he wasn’t as stressed about it as Mark was. Though not surprised, Mark still shot him a look.

 

”Oh, he told me about it over a call. In my opinion, he should calm down for a while first.”

 

The rapper nodded at his words. The same could apply to Johnny. He still wasn’t sure of how he helped the previous night.

 

“True. But, like, I still feel so... so troubled.”

 

He emphasised his frustrations by shaking his hands.

 

”I’m closer to Johnny but I don’t want to pick sides! I feel like it all weighs down to me and I don’t know, like, I don’t want to see anyone sad or anything.”

 

Donghyuck nodded attentively. Cluttering of metals and ceramic filled the silence between as he sliced another piece of the omelette.

 

It wasn’t like they had telepathic communication, but Mark knew that Donghyuck could relate to his feelings.

 

”I just hope everything goes well for them, you know? I don’t want to be involved and it’s a problem that they have to figure out themselves.”

 

Taking a bite of the piece he cut off, Donghyuck stated. He sighed heavily as he chewed, and Mark followed by taking another piece of ham and shoving it in his mouth.

 

He felt like a couple of weights were lifted off his back, just from talking it out with Donghyuck. Best friends really could become some sort of medicine in the future.

 

Before the  atmosphere could get gloomy, the sound of a door creaking open interrupted it.

 

“What the...”

 

Yuta appeared in the kitchen, wide eyes replacing swollen ones as he exaggerated a head turn towards Donghyuck, who was struggling to hide under the table.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 He was **not** lost.

 

Mark refused to admit it.

 

No matter how many staff looked at him with surprise and blatant confusion, he will never ask any of them for directions, in fact he did not need any directions, he knew where he was going, he was fine.

 

Though, he had to admit that the building was bigger than usual.

 

Way bigger, and more complicated. He had always just went inside, greet the staffs, check the store for their albums, and head straight to where filming was told to be.

 

 

The phone in his pocket vibrated abruptly, signalling a text and Mark was thrown away from his thoughts.

 

He stopped in his tracks, taking his phone only to smile slightly at the sight of Donghyuck’s name.

 

**Hyuckie**

 

where are you?

we’re all in the lobby at lvl 7

like always

are you 

 

**You**

 

im not lost!

its not my fault that the lift was broken!

 

He sighed as he watched Donghyuck’s speech bubble shake. He sure was typing a lot. Knowing him, he was probably insulting Mark and erasing them, then typing them again before deleting them.

 

**Hyuckie**

 

just tell me where you are

jaemins jokes are really lame

come quick

 

Mark scanned his surroundings. It was a little dark, there was no windows around, just some brightly-lit room right across the hallway. He didn’t recognise the place at all. Turning his head up, he searched for any signs but to no avail.

 

**You**

 

its hard to explain

its dark, theres one room at the end of some hallway

no signs 

 

**Hyuckie**

 

oh

oh no no no

um anyways, go back and walk straight until you see a big space with sofas and theres an entrance on the right you go in there and you’ll see chenle  there

 

just dont go in that room

 

**You**

 

okay...

 

He raised a brow at Donghyuck’s statements. As if his warnings actually did anything but spark curiousity in the rapper. 

 

 As to why Donghyuck had reacted like that, he was dying to find out.

 

It could just be some rumour that a ghost was roaming around the area, which Donghyuck hated the idea of. Or, maybe some members planned to surprise Mark and Donghyuck was saving their skin.

 

Whatever, it couldn’t be _that_ bad.

 

 

 

It was _that_ bad.

 

Mark felt the guilt inside him grow and grow with each step he took away from the room. It was like being stabbed, in the heart, with a knife, coated in poison. 

 

Soon, his steps turned into jogging, then running until he was sprinting. He was no longer running away from the room, but the sight that he saw and the words that he heard. 

 

He was sure that everything was going fine between them. With Johnny’s satisfied look on his face that night, and the talk he had with Donghyuck a few days ago, he pretty much confirmed it.

 

”Mark!”

 

Jeno exclaimed excitedly as Mark high-fived him back with much laughter. Chenle stuck out his thumb and started booing Mark with a sour look on his face, it wasn’t long until everyone joined him. What a warm welcome he had received.

 

”Really? You’re an hour late!”

 

Renjun yelled jokingly as he punched Mark’s back with full strength. 

 

“I overslept and got lost! We always use the lift so how come I’m the only one lost?”

 

The rapper whined as he sat down on a sofa with a bounce. While the others teased him and mocked him for acting cute, with the exception of Jaemin who enjoyed the scene, Mark and Donghyuck’s eyes met.

 

Donghyuck tilted his head up quick, signalling a “What happened?”, with which Mark could only reply with a shrug as his expression changed to a bitter one.

 

”You saw it, didn’t you?”

 

He whispered in a low voice, a contrast to the usual pitch he speaks in. Mark stared at him for a while, then he looked around the room.

 

Despite being almost an hour late, the staff were still not in sight. Well, they _were_ informed about some missing equipment. Jisung and Chenle were together, like always. Really, they were inseparable.

 

Besides the two, there was Jaemin who clung onto Jisung’s arm like a koala, then there was Jeno and Renjun, playing some type of finger game that Mark swore he played when he was in kindergarten. He did notice Renjun glancing at Jaemin every now and then with a glare.

 

”Yeah. And I didn’t like it at all.”

 

 

”I’m sorry, I was told not to tell anyone.”

 

Donghyuck beamed an apologetic smile towards him before turning away and going back to talking about what to eat. 

 

But Mark wasn’t upset about the fact that Donghyuck hid something from him, or because he had let curiousity take over himself. 

 

He was upset that Johnny didn’t tell him that he was going to tell Ten that day. Upset that maybe if he had just told Taeyong everything that day and listened to what he had to say, then maybe they could have avoided that.

 

”How did you know Johnny would come too?”

 

Mark murmured, his heart skipping a beat when Donghyuck leaned in too close to hear his words. They both stared into space, watching whatever the others were doing.

 

Screaming and laughing like always, the Dreamies’ were always full of energy. Mark would hate to admit it, especially in front of the older members, but he absolutely loved their company, even if he gets made fun of for being old every second.

 

Renjun and Jaemin scooted closer and  huddled together, way to close for comfort as Mark would say. Renjun was watching something on his phone while Jaemin leaned closer, glancing at his lips and then the screen. Did something happen between them too?

 

”I came here with him.”

 

_Oh..._

 

“Ah. I kinda feel bad for Ten.”

 

The older rapper scratched his arm, even though he didn’t feel an itch. Just as Donghyuck was about to reply, Renjun’s loud laughter filled the room as Jaemin started tickling him, smiling widely in the process.

 

He watched the two with fond eyes. It was nice to know that he had nothing to worry about for Jaemin. That was one couple out the way...

 

”Wow, I wanna join them too~”

 

Donghyuck whined as he threw his body onto Renjun, crushing Jaemin’s arm and influencing Chenle to do the same. Poor, poor Renjun and his ribs that were probably beyond help at that point.

 

Mark watched, a refreshing feeling in his stomach, in contrast to the usual fire when a scene like that arises.

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the wait! can you sense the foreshadowing *eye emoji*

 

_Snap!_

 

 “Oh, Mark Lee, did you take a picture of me?”

 

Ethereal.

 

He looked even more beautiful than usual, which Mark thought was impossible. With the natural flow of his copper-dyed hair, swaying in the wind as his fringe flew in random directions, he looked breathtaking.

 

And the way his eyes looked dreamy, half-lidded as usual which  added to the sentimental expression he had with his lips slightly parted. Casual clothes that he rarely would see him in with all their fancy stage outfits, Mark wanted to treasure the sight.

 

At that moment, his secretly-take-a-picture-of-Hyuck plan failed instantly as he forgot to switch his phone sounds off.

 

Donghyuck smiled cheekily.  Mark blushed a deep red, waving his hands around frantically as he tried to reason his way out.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Like the sneaky bastard he is, Jaemin had sneaked into the 127 dorm without  letting anyone know. When he had arrived, Sicheng almost hit him with a frying pan out of fear. Served him right.

 

”What the...”

 

Mark said under his breath. He stared at Jaemin with a somewhat disgusted yet scared expression; disgusted that he was laying down on his bed like it was his and scared because he wasn’t even informed about his arrival and how he got in.

 

”Good afternoon to you too.”

 

Dropping his bag and removing his cap, Mark could only shudder at how natural Jaemin seemed. 

 

They sat in suffocating silence. Mark was too busy staring Jaemin down while Jaemin was too occupied with pretending like Mark wasn’t glaring daggers at him.

 

He tossed, turned until he finally sat upright. Mark scoffed at his obviously fake stretching and yawning.

 

”Seriously... Who gave you the rights to sleep on my bed?”

 

”Hm? Sorry?”

 

Jaemin moved a hand beside his ear, pretending to search for the source of Mark’s voice. He really can be a brat if he wanted to. Another scoff was sent to the brunette.

 

Right as Mark sat down with a defeated sigh, the door slammed open with Johnny’s grand entrance, displaying a cheeky smile that Mark knew had no good intentions.

 

 The two intruders pointed at each other with finger guns, exchanging obnoxiously loud ‘ay’s, making it harder for Mark to not laugh.

 

“Let’s start the meeting for ‘Hopeless Romantics Club’.”

 

The eldest cleared his throat, snatching some of Mark’s own personal notes, setting them down to renact a professional discussion. Jaemin nodded attentively while Mark wondered if he was the only sane one.

 

Also, what was with the made-up club and its name?! He was never informed of being in such a pathetic club!

 

”What in the world is with that name?!”

 

”Anyways, any reports, Na Jaemin?”

 

Yep, totally ignored. Perhaps he was also in a club called ‘No-Fun’ with Jeno as the founder.

 

Johnny gestured a hand towards Jaemin, turning back to ‘normal’ or at least less dramatic than before. Jaemin hummed.

 

”Well... As I thought, Renjun’s smooth.”

 

_Ohhh._

 

_They were talking about their crushes._

 

Intrigued, Mark sat up and leaned towards Jaemin. Johnny quirked an amused brow at his vague statement. To his surprise, the flirty Jaemin was suddenly as red as a tomato. Renjun’s amazing.

 

“...We... We could be going out.”

 

Muffled words were heard from behind Jaemin’s timid hands that hid his flushed face. Mark and Johnny ‘ooh’-ed in harmony, smirking and nudging Jaemin as if they were kindergarteners. 

 

Things were going pretty well for Jaemin, he must admit. He really had nothing to worry about, huh. 

 

”I’m so proud of you, Jaemin...! But you’re still in the club.”

 

Johnny faked wiping tears and sobbing while Jaemin bowed with confidence. Mark cheered him on with genuine laughter and clapping.

 

Well, it lasted pretty short as the atmosphere got awkward, as Mark expected. Jaemin didn’t look all that bothered while Johnny’s expression turned a little sorrowful.

 

”What happened last week was a mess, right? Well... There’s nothing to worry about.”

 

”Huh?”

 

Rubbing the back of his head, Johnny smiled reassuringly, and Jaemin’s shoulders released all tension. Mark couldn’t belive what he had just heard.

 

He looked at Johnny with big, wide eyes, who only winked at him in return. Just when he was so occupied with worries and concerns for the three. Almost traumatising, the incident really left an impression on Mark’s thoughts.

 

What’s more was that he’d never had the courage to bring it up at all, fearing that he might add salt to the wound.

 

”Ten said he appreciated our feelings, but  he wanted to focus more on work right now. I know, it’s not really an answer, it might even be a rejection, but I feel relieved.”

 

With a soft smile, Johnny said. A pleasing aura emitted from him, causing Mark and Jaemin lips to melt into gentle smiles. They had grown enough to understand Johnny’s feelings. Having decided not to question further, this time it was their turn to cheer for Johnny and his progress.

 

Johnny joined their little ruckus, dancing ridiculously and cheering falsettos. And when they quietened down, Mark felt weights on his back.

 

Teasing, expecting eyes stabbed through him. God, they were so embarrassing.

 

”Markie~?”

 

Jaemin chimed.

 

”Ah yes, the signature Mark Lee shade of red.”

 

Mark slapped Johnny’s hand away lightly, refusing to let his tainted cheeks be pinched by the cocky elder.

 

”I...”

 

He paused.

 

Did he actually have any progress the past week? Or ever since their little date?

 

Would the milk-tea flavoured ice cream count? Probably not as Donghyuck had gotten food poisoning after eating it.

 

Mark stared off into the distance. He wondered if that 3-second eye contact he had was progress. If eating breakfast with him was progress. If getting butterflies from imagining future dates was also progress.

 

Nope.

 

He hung his head in disappointment in himself, and the other two laughed at him.

 

”Seriously?! Those are things you guys do _all_ the time!”

 

Johnny jabbed a remark into Mark’s mind, and Jaemin laughed harder, all while telling Johnny to stop being so mean to the blushing Mark, who was clenching his fist tightly.

 

Huh?

 

It really was. The rapper wondered if anything actually ever changed after he’d fallen in love with Donghyuck. They were so close that the romantic things he thought he had done, could pass off as just friends being friends.

 

How could Renjun pick up Jaemin’s feelings if all he did was flirt all the time with anyone? Most likely, it was because he shared the same feelings. He did mention that they _might_ be going out.

 

Wouldn’t that mean that Donghyuck would noticed if he liked Mark too? Then, his attitude would have changed too.

 

”Hm? Not really. He seems the same to me. Always trying to kiss you and all.”

 

Jaemin answered Mark, with nothing but a painful truth. Unreadable. Unpredictable. Just what was going on Donghyuck’s head?

 

He felt a nudge to his elbow and he turned to look at Johnny.

 

”Why do you even avoid his skinship? You like him, right?”

 

Having it said out loud made it much worse. As Mark shoved a pillow onto Johnny’s face, he thought about it.

 

”It’s true. What if he starts thinking that you really don’t like him?”

 

The youngest added, sighing as he remembered the many times Donghyuck pouted at Mark’s refusal for skinship. And Mark could not find it in himself to respond properly.

 

Instead of Donghyuck being the difficult one, it was Mark. He refuses his attempts at skinship and affection, pushing him away or ignoring him. Thus, Donghyuck would either run to Renjun or Johnny, who would give him all the hugs and praises he wanted, and Mark would watch with a sulky pout.

 

What was he supposed to do? Flirt back? 

 

“N-No way! I’m not gonna try and kiss him anywhere, anytime! I’m not like that!”

 

He retorted. Doing those lovey-dovey things was way too embarrassing.

 

“You don’t have to be the one doing it. I’m just saying, why not just accept them? His hugs and kisses.”

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Mark was an overachiever, as his members liked to say. ‘Bare minimum’ was not in his dictionary at all. If he was going to go for something, he might as well be the best in it.

 

So, it was definitely worth staying up at night just to pick an outfit for the outing they had that day. 

 

 

Tucked in striped shirt paired with skinny jeans that had one rip. The jacket he wore was varsity-like, accentuating his shoulders and his youthful aura. He definitely looked fresh out of a hollywood college movie. 

 

“Okay, wow.”

 

He heard Jaehyun comment as he was about to unlock their door. A smirk creeped up onto his lips but he told himself to be humble.

 

”No one informed me that we were going to do a runway walk.”

 

”Tell that to Mark.”

 

Donghyuck pouted as he examined his friends’ outfits. Chenle was wearing an oversized colourblock hoodie, Jisung was wearing his fake glasses along with a pastel pink short-sleeved hoodie.

 

Renjun looked refreshing with his open striped polo tucked in from both sides, but he did get a lot of teasing as he looked exactly like Sicheng with the identical outfits.

 

Jaemin sported an oversized beige turtleneck while Jeno still looked godly with the classic white shirt plus denim jacket combination.

 

However, his eyes stopped at Mark in all his glory.

 

The other five joined in as their smartass remarks were held back by his looks alone. Renjun stared at his obviously styled hair, causing him to subconsciously touch his own. It was worth facing Doyoung’s morning wrath to get his hair styled.

 

Rare compliments started being thrown towards him and Mark awkwardly blushed and waved them off. Donghyuck was still staring him down, as if he was examining all the details in his outfit. Mark started feeling more and more embarrassed the more he checked him out.

 

Despite Donghyuck’s complaints, he himself looked so adorable that it was dangerous. 

 

Like he said, he was wearing a casual oversized red sweater that gave him his signature sweater paws that Mark would never shut up about. His look was so casual and simple that Mark wondered how the _hell_ could he still look that good?

 

”What do you think, Hyuck?”

 

Jaemin beckoned Donghyuck, snapping him out of whatever made him stare at Mark for three minutes. Mark wanted to punch Jaemin yet thank him.

 

”W- Wahh, Mark Lee! Amazing! You’re gonna make me look like a squid!”

 

As usual, he replied with wit as he clapped and gave him a thumbs up with wide, doe eyes as Renjun and Chenle threw their body onto him from laughing too hard at his last sentence.

 

_Did he stutter?_

 

Mark giggled as he pretended to fan himself before accepting Donghyuck’s handshake, which made it seem like they had won the olympics.

 

They had all chosen to hang out at a park. Security was not a problem as the company had requested part of the park to be closed off just for a few hours.

 

It made them feel safe and free as they didn’t have to deal with numerous fans and fansites following them around, but it all meant that they still had limitations and restrictions.

 

 Along the way, small jokes were cracked and they all would either laugh or hit the person who made such a lame joke (mostly Jaemin). They  certainly did not miss the chance to take as many pictures as they wanted.

 

”You got caught, huh?”

 

Mark felt a nudge as Jaemin poked his cheek teasingly. For such a powerful outfit, he was so lame for getting so flustered, when he was the one who got caught taking a picture of his crush.

 

The picture turned out amazing, though. He had the thought of putting it as his wallpaper, but he shook his head as he chanted to himself that he was not as hopeless as Jaemin.

 

Jaemin, who was showing off the amount of photos he had taken of Renjun without him knowing. Mark shuddered, feeling a bit of pity for Renjun.

 

”That’s just creepy!”

 

”Love is not creepy, Mark Lee.”

 

The younger replied shamelessly as he scrolled through his collection. Mark wore a grimace as he pushed Jaemin away with his lame comment.

 

”Having fun?”

 

The company did have a sense on what area to pick. They got to have the whole coast area to themselves, how exciting that was for them.

 

The sea breeze hit them perfectly, it felt like they were filming for a new music video. Jeno spread out his arms, closing his eyes as the wind made his denim jacket flutter.

 

Chenle screamed as soon as he saw sand, kicking off his shoes as he ran off into the sea, with Jisung shouting at him to wait, clumsily throwing away his shoes and socks as he went after him.

 

Donghyuck slithered beside Mark, placing a hand on his shoulder, causing Mark to jolt. He didn’t shrug off the hand that time, though.

 

”Of course.”

 

Donghyuck hummed as a response. Mark felt a tap on his knuckle, before his fingers were interwined sweetly and tightly with another’s.

 

In surprise, he whipped his head back to Donghyuck, who gave him a wide, bright smile. He felt his heart experience palpitations at that moment. The warmth of his hands, the wind seeping through the tiny, tiny gaps between their fingers, the grasp Donghyuck had. Mark was almost going overdrive.

 

Oh how badly he had wanted to let Donghyuck’s hand go. The embarrassment and how fast his heart was beating, it was too overwhelming.

 

His hand was probably gross and sweaty by then, he hung his head low to hide his flushed cheeks. That time as well, he didn’t let go of Donghyuck’s hand. He clasped their hands together more tightly, eventually catching his breath.

 

Mark swore that he felt Donghyuck’s hand twitch as he did so, but when he looked up, he was facing away from Mark’s eyes.

 

Though, his ears were tainted red.

 

”Hey! Mark!”

 

Renjun screamed as a few pebbles hit Mark’s feet and ankles. Caught up in the desire to play, he let go of Donghyuck’s hand and ran after Renjun with a handful of rocks.

 

Jisung pointed at the two and laughed loudly, immediately scheming something with Chenle right away. Jeno and Jaemin were chatting about seashells, which Renjun said was boring, as they patted heaps of sand which was supposed to be a sand castle.

 

Unbeknownst to Mark, who was failing miserably at throwing rocks at Renjun, Donghyuck stayed at the grassy part of the shore, staring at his hand with wide eyes. 

 

”Ow!”

 

He hissed to himself as a pebble hit his ankle bone accurately.

 

“Help us build this sand castle!”

 

Jeno waved before screaming as the waves engulfed their pathetic sand lumps.

 

Donghyuck snorted before running off to the same path as Mark.

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

“Hmm... Mark and Haechan... What do you guys think?”

 

Chenle muttered questioningly. He was used to referring to Donghyuck by his stage name.

 

When Donghyuck had went off to wash his foot off at a nearby restroom, the rest gathered in a suspicious circle.

 

The sun was setting, their managers were probably preparing to pick them up then. 

 

“Jaemin... Did you _have_ to tell everyone?”

 

The rapper asked, hugging his legs and resisting the urge to send a glare to Jaemin's direction, who gave him an offended look.

 

”No one said anything. I mean, it’s pretty obvious...”

 

Jeno sighed, drawing circles onto the sand. Jisung giggled at his sentence as Mark went speechless, grumbling as he crossed his arms.

 

”But, I was told that nothing changed. That whatever I was doing is still platonic for Donghyuck.”

 

”Oh, no. The way you stare at him is definitely different. And we _all_ caught you taking a picture of him at the picnic just now.”

 

”Oh my god!” 

 

He yelled out in English. The bunch burst into yet another laughing fit because of Mark. He so badly wanted to crawl into a cave and hide there forever.

 

But that wasn’t the main problem.

 

”Do you think Donghyuck noticed?”

 

”No way, he's definitely the clueless type."

 

Chenle scoffed. He waved a dismissive hand at Mark. A relieved sigh escaped Mark’s lips as he heard Chenle’s statement.

 

It couldn’t be all that bad. Donghyuck _did_ blush when Mark accepted his hand-holding for the first time.

 

“When are you gonna ask him out?”

 

_Huh?_

 

_Pardon?_

 

“Sorry?”

 

“Wait, don’t tell me y-“

 

Jisung stopped mid-sentence as Mark covered his head shyly.

 

They threw themselves into yet another laughing fit. Had it not been for his mother’s wise words, he would have punched them all by now.

 

”Really?”

 

Renjun practically sobbed as he wiped a small tear of his eye from laughing too hard.

 

”Mark - oh, god - I...”

 

This time, it was Jaemin who clapped like a seal, surely having a good time from Mark’s misery and lack of progress.

 

When Jaemin had came back,  he had already fallen in love with Donghyuck. And that was how many months back? Mark did not want to be such a masochist and count. Jaemin spent lesser time with the members due to his hospitalisation, and yet he managed to get a (implied) date.

 

He stood up abruptly, stomping his feet. Mark balled his fists as his entire face had turned red. 

 

“Shut up! Fine! I’ll ask him out next week!”

 

_Wait._

 

The laughter that had died down from Mark’s outburst, rose again. Renjun was hitting the ground as Chenle was desperately trying to catch a breath.

 

”Oh my god, he fell for it.”

 

 

An idiot.

 

Mark was such an idiot. Him and his impulsiveness might kill him someday.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short build up chap,,,, its really,,,, short,,,,,,,, also yes! We hit 3.5k hits!!! 30 bookmarks!!!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting this first because it was wayyyy past my deadline ;; will fix any mistakes tomorrow! Uwu thanks for the wait

 

Only then did Mark understood what making progress meant.

 

No matter how many times he had told himself to be modest and not to have false hope, he couldn't help but to feel giddy and linger on the moments he had with Donghyuck.

 

Jaemin and Johnny were certainly experts. Ever since he had started becoming more accepting to Donghyuck's skinship, he was able to drown himself in Donghyuck's shyness that was explicitly for actual romance.

 

"That's adorable, I didn't think Hyuck would be like that."

 

 Thus, yet another meeting with the ‘Hopeless Romantics Club’ started. Despite Mark’s complaints, the official venue for such meetings was decided to be his and Johnny’s room, well mostly his. 

 

Jaemin set down some drinks and snacks, which made Mark wonder about the amount of time he had been in _their_ dorm for him to know about their secret snack stash.

 

Sipping on a sprite can, Johnny smiled to himself. Yuta had once mentioned that Japanese fans referred to Johnny, Donghyuck, Chenle and Kun as the bear family. Of course, Johnny and Donghyuck definitely had that sort of father-son bond.

 

Whenever Mark would reject Donghyuck's hugs and kisses, Johnny would be there to accept them, as he too, is pretty deprived because of his height. Even Jungwoo would hesitate with him.

 

”Aren’t you having a date with Renjun later?”

 

”Hm? It was yesterday, but nice try.”

 

He corrected. Mark awkwardly nodded, a little ashamed that he wasn’t even aware of such an event happening.

 

”Well... it was a success!”

 

The younger giggled. He stretched his arms in the air, scrunching his face as much as possible as he tried to smile as wide as he could. Those lips of his almost reached the end of his eyes with how curved they were. Jaemin was so full of love that the members thought it was a mystery on how he could be so sweet.

 

Mark and Johnny applauded him, all soft smiles and grins. Johnny initiated a cheer with their soda cans and so, the younger two obligued with big, curled lips and a shout.

 

”Oh, Mark! Aren’t you asking Hyuck out?”

 

_"Grk-"_

 

"Easy there, big guy."

 

The older chuckled as he handed Mark some tissues to wipe the soda off his mouth and the table. Such a question felt like a genuine, real jab to his stomach. 

 

Those Dreamies really don't know how to keep their mouth shut, huh?

 

"S- So what if I am?"

 

He shot back. Jaemin boasted an 'ooh', waving his open palms towards his face, imitating a burn. 

 

"What? Of course... that calls for a celebration, doesn't it?"

 

Johnny responded with a wink and Mark giggled with much shyness.  

 

Could it be that Johnny knew something Mark didn't? Well, calling for a celebration was way too early and he was being too confident in Mark's confession. In contrast to Jeno and Jisung, the only two who seemed unsure of Donghyuck's answer. They all had the same idea of the singer. Unpredictable. 

 

There was a chance that he would blush shyly and accept Mark. There was a chance that he would flirtatiously wink at Mark and say, 'I know' and confidently take his hand.

 

But there was also a chance that he would sugarcoat things and turn Mark down with the classic friendzone or he might even be appalled and push him away.  All of which had equal possibility in Mark's eyes.

 

He glanced at Johnny, who noticed and gave him a reassuring smile that seemed to encourage him.

 

"Anyways, I'm gonna go meet Renjun for a date."

 

"Shut up, Jaemin, we were having a moment."

 

"Wait."

 

Didn't he say that he just had a date with Renjun the previous day? Two dates in a row, consecutively? Unheard of, but anything was possible if it was Na Jaemin. Johnny hung his mouth wide open, staring into Jaemin's soul, who smiled back relentlessly.

 

Mark followed. Jaemin was living such a life. Just imagine your crush liking you back, and going to not one, but two dates in a span of one week. He wasn'f even sure when they started going out, when Jaemin confessed. How long Renjun liked him back was a mystery too.

 

”And? You’re gonna ask him out when?”

 

He questioned, slinging his bag over one shoulder. Mark shifted his weight from side to side.

 

”Ah... Well... I’ll see?”

 

”Come on, Mark.”

 

Johnny beckoned. 

 

He couldn’t. His throat felt congested. For Mark, the more he talked about it, the more he felt deathly worried about it. A confession was a gateway to a new beginning, a major change in life, double the happiness he’d experienced so far. A mood had to be set, words had to be cautiously planned and the same goes for timing.

 

Talking about it felt like a jinx to Mark. Like his chances of reciprocation would severely decline if he kept mentioning it and his plans.

 

The anxiety was probably the cause for his brain and its rampant, absurd thoughts.

 

When the next evening came, Mark welcomed the very same intruders into his room for yet another meeting.

 

As usual, the bastard Jaemin had a mountain of stories to tell about his progress with Renjun. Johnny’s still quiet and is only there to cheer for his younger brothers.

 

Mark would dismiss their questions as soon as his turn came.

 

The next week came and Mark was in his room, wearing glasses with a pen in his hand. Writing lyrics for his rap at the speed of light. A draft was a draft, whatever flew into his mind would be translated into paper. He didn't need to worry about making something perfect right away.

 

He was ready for Jaemin and Johnny, with the table all set up with snacks and drinks. Like always, the two bust open the door, with no care for Mark's heart rate.

 

Apparently, Jeno might have a thing for Renjun, but Mark thought it was bullshit. Jeno just liked cats and Renjun was somehow like one. Jaemin pouted and sulked, eating his chips with a snap.

 

"I swore I caught him staring at him with such eyes..."

 

"Just eat your pringles, Jaemin."

 

And before Mark would get interrogated by the two again, he would kick them out with a click of the door lock, stammering something about urgent plans. Muffled whining and 'boo's would be heard coupled with some knocks.

 

No, he wasn’t running away. He just decided that he wanted it to come naturally. 

 

_Eyes closed, Hyuck_

 

His name suddenly appeared on the paper. 

 

Mark stared. He stared at the name his hand subconsciously wrote.

 

He inhaled sharply, eyes slowly widening as he fumbled around his pouch for an eraser before hastily deleting the doodle to leave no trace. 

 

_”I wasn’t even thinking of him...!”_

 

He muttered in English.

 

Even so, he knew with all his heart that that singer had been running through his mind all the day. His task was simple, to write his own verse for a new song and concept fof their next comeback. Rebellion, youth and showing the coolest sides of themselves. _Not_ a cute, lovey-dovey concept.

 

 

Yet somehow,  he ended up in the practice room with just Donghyuck. Donghyuck and his favourite black “SINNERS” hoodie. Donghyuck and his recently dyed dirty orange hair.

 

Domestic.

 

Mark thought as he penned down possible rap verses on his almost-finished notebook. 

 

 

A homely, warm feeling engulfed Mark. Just the two of them, in a comfortable silence that was so, so soothing as his personal playlist played on inside his earphones. 

 

They weren't even talking, interacting, they weren't even facing each other. They didn't need to. Drowning in each other's presence was plenty. Donghyuck had delved in deep into their group's discography, hell, he already moved on to lives and music videos. 

 

Mark's volume was low enough for him to hear humming from the younger. He tapped his foot to the beat of 'Baby Don't Stop' as the sweet tunes came out his lips softly. As great Mark thought his playlist was, he still chose Donghyuck's humming over it, pausing it but he didn't take out his earphones.

 

Unconsciously, he started tapping his pen to the beat of the song as well, synchronising with Donghyuck. Mark felt... fluffy, if that made sense.

 

A small smile was forming on his lips but he couldn't exactly call it happiness. Or excitement. Or satisfaction. He just felt... good and relaxed, the white noise in his mind that came from his stress was disappearing and being replaced with Donghyuck's voice.

 

Crazy how soft humming could cure his fatigue and stress.

 

_"Baby I just feel so right..."_

 

Donghyuck sang, his nasal voice filling Mark's ears and Mark felt chills. If Donghyuck were to release a full cover, Mark would volunteer to be his promoter. He wasn't even humming anymore, he was singing, head bobbing as he imitated the song's choreography with lazy hands.

 

_"빠르게 날아가 너에게 닿을 거야 mi amor"_

 

The younger whipped his head back with wide eyes. Mark chuckled at the expression. He set his pen down, waving his hand about while the other was place on his lips as if it were a mic. Covering Taeyong's part with a breeze, like the song was made for him, Mark's smile grew when Donghyuck grinned and sang the back vocals.

 

Their friendship was beyond anything, their chemistry together was arguably the best out of any other combination in the group. Not to mention, their voices fit each other like jigsaw puzzle pieces. Donghyuck's high-pitched nasal voice that was soothing and full of emotion, and Mark's energetic, powerful rapping. 

 

Excitement grew in the both of them, their volumes getting louder and their vocals getting more impactful.

 

"Gonna gonna gonna gonna get that!"

 

Mark and Donghyuck sang in harmony, not shying away from each other's gaze. Donghyuck went from crossing his legs, to crouching.

 

"절대 멈출 일은 없지 gonna get that!"

 

The rapper followed Donghyuck, standing up slowly from his seat, a hand still placed on his lips to imitate a mic. Donghyuck rose on his feet as the song reached its peak. They grin at each other, Mark walking away from the table to a spot beside Donghyuck.

 

"Pi pa pi pa pa~"

 

With a step of their right foot, the two danced to the song with the same choreography. Shaking their shoulders, snapping their fingers with big smiles. Donghyuck sang with sass while Mark couldn't contain a giggle.

 

"Stop, baby don’t stop."

 

Their shoes squeak as they hit the last steps of the song. They remained in their poses before bursting out into laughter and exclaimations.

 

"What the hell? That felt like a scene from Highschool musical!"

 

Mark exclaimed, slapping Donghyuck's back with a snicker. Donghyuck scoffed with a slight smile.

 

"I have no idea what you're talking about but I agree."

 

Even though they'd return to their original state from earlier, Mark still felt high from it. Unlike earlier, the atmosphere around them was cheery, he could tell that Donghyuck was still smiling to himself, just by his back.

 

Well, it was the same for Mark. He felt ecstatic. He was on Cloud 9 or 10, just whatever they called it when one was extremely excited and happy.

 

"I really like you, Donghyuck."

 

The words slip out his mouth naturally.

 

Donghyuck froze.

 

His hand was in mid-air, a finger hovering over the search button on the screen. 

 

Mark was still smiling, still feeling giddy. He hasn't even processed what he just said.

 

The silence turned awkward, Donghyuck was paralysed. It turned so tense and crushing that Mark noticed, and he finally realised the meaning of his words.

 

Face hot and bright red, Mark flailed his arms about as Donghyuck turned his head a little bit to the side, only until his right cheek popped out, but not his eyes. 

 

"Ah! No! I-"

 

"You?"

 

He shot back with an unusually low voice. Mark twitched, taken aback with the sudden tone. He gulped.

 

He was dragging it for too long and almost everyone who knew about it agreed. The boy himself said that he would do it, he would ask Donghyuck out, and yet it had been more than two weeks since he said so. 

 

Mark shook his head, clearing away any flusteredness and panick that he had. He narrowed his eyes in determination, but he couldn't help but to fidget here and there and play with his fingers.

 

After such strong denial. The many nights he had gone through crying his eyes out and waking up absolutely dead tired. How he had caused so much worry and inconvenience to Johnny and Jaemin. How he worried Taeyong and Doyoung. He didn't forget about the incident in the kitchen that ended up with Jaehyun showing a rare case of rage.

 

Such memories flew out his mind as memories of their outing, their 'date' overtook. The watermelon plushie sat on top of his shelf triumphantly, and the pictures were secretly stashed away in the deepest corners of his wardrobe. Clothes that Donghyuck had picked out for him were placed at the very beginning to mark his favouritism. 

 

He went through so much behind Donghyuck's back. He shed so many tears, he let out so many smiles and laughter, maybe it really was time to let the singer know.

 

Mark bit his lip, his fingers pausing.

 

"I said I like you a lot, Donghyuck."

 

Soft, almost a mutter but it still echoed throughout the room, throughout Donghyuck's ear drums.

 

Mark waited for a response, any type of reply. Words, whispers, actions, gestures, anything. But Donghyuck remained in the same pose. Head turned slightly to the side. He still couldn't see what expression Donghyuck had.

 

Was he smiling? Blushing? Pursing his lips to hide a smile? Sweating as he picked words carefully to construct a reply? Or was he crying? Did he wore a grimace? 

 

His mind went absolutely mad. Such a silence was the worse. His knee started to shake subconsciously while he started feeling overwhelming regret.

 

And Donghyuck finally turned around fully. 

 

Out of the thousands of expressions Mark expected, he certainly did not expect one that was just blank.

 

Completely devoid of any emotion whastoever. For some reason, it crushed Mark's heart even more than an angry one would.

 

His eyes were half-open, dead and empty. His lips were a loose frown. The younger stared Mark down and Mark felt himself shrink in such an intense gaze.

 

Donghyuck inhaled sharply, shutting his eyes closed, tilting his head to the side as if he was just about done with Mark.

 

"You're screwing with me, aren't you?"

 

He stated in a disappointed tone, low enough that Mark quivered. The comment shot through his chest like an arrow. 

 

"I- I'm not! I sw-"

 

"Just admit it."

 

There was no use in explaining himself, Mark concluded. Donghyuck had hung his head low, that Mark couldn't see his expression again. He wouldn't budge no matter how hard Mark tried.

 

"How long are you going to continue this, Mark? Playing - Toying with me. Just what am I to you?"

 

Mark's mouth was open, but he couldn't say anything back. Speechless, that's what he was. Surely, that was worse than a flat rejection. Donghyuck's volume got louder with every word he spat out.

 

How scathing. He was almost _hissing_ at Mark. 

 

Instinctively, Mark reached a hand out to the younger, who was then breathing heavily and clenching fists so tight that the skin over his knuckles threatened to snap.

 

"Well, I'm sick of this, Mark."

 

And Donghyuck was gone.

 

When he lifted his head up as he stood to leave, Mark saw a peak of his expression.

 

That expression stayed in his head.

 

With those eyes that were seething with rage, and yet were glistening. Knitted eyebrows that were so furrowed, creases on his forehead formed. 

 

Donghyuck was gone  and the room that was clouded with Mark's unsaid thoughts and Donghyuck's frustration was the only thing he left behind. Along with Mark and the non-stop flow of tears that came.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, we reach the climax!!! :))))) also i made a twitter for general nct things (mostly me crying about haechan) and updates for this fic and future fics (that are in the works ;))) @xoxohyvck


	11. Chapter 11

To Donghyuck, Mark was number one.

 

Number one in terms of closeness. Number one in his list of 'people I like to annoy'. Number one when it comes to who is the cutest when teased. Number one in... his heart. Cheesy, but true.

 

When did it start? He had no idea but before he knew it, he couldn't look at Mark the same way. Whatever he did seemed much more cuter, cooler... just more attractive than usual. 

 

“Ah, seriously!”

 

The older would exclaim after Donghyuck’s witty remarks. Raising a weak fist and punching his shoulder, and his laughter would burst out as if on cue. His cute scrunched face as he giggled non-stop, his seal clapping and the way his body would fold when the joke’s too good.

 

It made Donghyuck’s heart hammer in his chest.

 

”Is it fine?”

 

A splash of worry on his face, while his hands hesitated to poke Donghyuck’s waist. His eyes were big and wide, Donghyuck could see them sparkle. Even though he would try his best as to not let it show on his face, Mark would always notice.

 

Additionally, his shy attitude would prevent him from actually speaking his mind, from asking Donghyuck directly if he was fine. 

 

But it all still made Donghyuck stutter, something that you would not really see very often.

 

“Here.”

 

Donghyuck felt a tug on his sleeve. He immediately softened when he saw Mark instead. If he were in the wrong spot, or a too far or too close one, Mark would mutter to him, pointing to a better spot and guiding him there even though it would take him just a few steps.

 

Such a simple action that lasted a few seconds, and yet, Donghyuck found himself smiling.

 

Mark made him happy. He showed many sides to Mark and Mark only. Although he wasn’t much of an open person, Mark would be the first to know about everything and anything.

 

“I really like you, Donghyuck.”

 

Words he had wanted to hear since forever had finally come. From Mark himself.

 

Happy, excited, heart-fluttering and beyond delighted; that was what he imagined he would feel when such a day would come.

 

Yet, he didn’t feel much other than rage.

 

Their first big fight had taken a toll on him. Preferring to drown than to show it, he acted like it didn’t affect him, like Mark was the unreasonable, dramatic one.

 

Friends fought, especially if they were best friends and had known each other since young, but when Mark’s insults that were laced in poison aimed at him, he was more or less heart broken.

 

Annoying.

 

Not just long ago, he had admitted to himself that he was in love with the rapper. Although he had always teased and flirted with Mark, there was an underlying message to the skinship he would initiate after some development in his feelings.

 

It was funny and satisfying whenever Mark would scoff and push him and his advances away, but then he started taking it to heart. 

 

“Maybe I _am_ annoying him.”

 

He thought out loud as he stared at his phone screen. Then, he felt his frustrations rise inside of his body. The feelings he had bottled up were leaking.

 

Even though they knew each other since they were _kids,_ even though they referred to each other as ‘best friends’, even though they were said to be an iconic duo, it didn’t _feel_ like it.

 

He was mad. Infuriated. Frustrated. That Mark treated him like a nuisance. It was all fun and games until Mark would scowl at him in disgust whenever he initiates a hug or jokingly tries to kiss his cheek, and how hard he would push him away.

 

Renjun was much, much better. He could take Donghyuck’s need for skinship with much affection. He would laugh at his jokes whole-heartedly, tell Donghyuck that he was funny and witty and hold his hand.

 

He felt holes boring on him as he locked hands with Renjun, laughing and giggling all the while.

 

Mark.

 

His smile dropped for a second, but he chose to ignore it and continued fooling with Renjun.

 

When he tried to take a peak if Mark was still staring, he was met with said rapper placing his hand on Chenle’s thigh.

 

So obvious, he thought. But it only made his blood boil even more. _Why are you even jealous? It’s not like you even accept my affection in the first place._

 

 _“_ You?”

 

He hissed back in response. He couldn’t stop his anger from oozing out.

 

After everything he made Donghyuck go through? That bruise he caused was still splattered across his back, and Donghyuck dreaded seeing it on the mirror, especially when he didn’t mean to.

 

The regret Donghyuck felt when he dropped onto the ground. Thoughts like “I shouldn’t have done that” or “It’s my fault” haunted him for days. Funny, he never imagined himself to be afraid of Mark.

 

Donghyuck turned his head slightly, only until he could catch a glimpse of Mark’s expression.

 

He visibly gulped, nervously playing with his fingers and fidgeting about. His seriousness only added fuel to the fire.

 

”I said I like you a lot, Donghyuck.”

 

Maybe Mark was playing with his heart again, but that, that was too cruel for even Donghyuck to take.

 

As time went by, he grew more and more anxious and hurt. Did he get stood up? 

 

Two hours went by and Donghyuck was close to tears. And he dressed up so nicely. He took so much time in the morning, waking up extra early just to pick clothes. He was so early that he went out first to get some things ready, including his mind. 

 

But where was Mark? He was nowhere to be found. He didn’t want to text him or flood him with calls, he might’ve been busy.

 

He sighed a shaky sigh, getting up to leave.

 

”Ha...”

 

Donghyuck paused. He looked back to the spot he had left and saw Mark bent down on his knees panting. The older scanned left and right, cussing under his breath as he looked at the time.

 

A warm sensation filled Donghyuck’s body as he watched the scene. The tears were gone and replaced with a small grin.

 

Any hint of disappointment left had disappeared as he watched with big, doe eyes. The waiter set down many plates, of so many sweets and extras that almost framed their waffles. He couldn’t find it in himself to speak.

 

He felt like a king, a god, an emperor. Lifting his head up to look at Mark, he gave him a simple thumbs up. Unbeknownst to him, his hanging mouth and wide eyes remained in his expression, causing Mark to smile back.

 

“You won it for me...?”

 

Above all, Donghyuck was a calm person. Though, in that moment his heart was literally flipping out. He hung his head to hide his flushed cheeks, squeezing the sunflower plushie tightly in his hands.

 

God, Mark was sappy but Donghyuck absolutely loved it.

 

On the car ride back home, he felt drained, yet euphoric. As though he had forgotten his despair in the morning, he was staring at the pictures they had taken and the plushies Mark won him. He resisted a smile and sooner or later, he dozed off, a small grin on his lips.

 

_I love you_

 

But everything remained the same. Donghyuck felt like the date was just a dream. Mark apparently had fallen sick but Donghyuck knew that he was fine. That he was avoiding him.

 

Of course he was. His hand stopped, the spoon he held hovered on top of the pot of  soup.

 

“I just remembered I had something, bye!”

 

Nevertheless, he put up his usual cheery tone as he left the dorm with a nagging Taeyong and an exasperated Doyoung, who were left to finish whatever he was cooking.

 

Renjun, he needed to talk to Renjun.

 

”Hello- Donghyuck?”

 

The smaller boy looked at the guest as if he had gone crazy. He looked miserable, and he was supposed to be the chill, unbothered, funny one.

 

Renjun sighed with worry and guided Donghyuck into his room, placing a reassuring hand onto his back.

 

”Did something bad happen?”

 

”Mark.”

 

 _But of course._ Renjun thought but he didn’t say it out loud. 

 

Donghyuck spilled everything, with tears threatening to fall paired with a voice that croaked and breaths that hitched. Honestly, it made Renjun furious.

 

He’d never seen Donghyuck so miserable, and it was because of Mark. It was always because of Mark. Mark and his unpredictable behaviour, unreadable mind and weird gestures.

 

”Really? What’s wrong with him?”

 

Renjun spat out, crossing his arms and his eyebrows. Donghyuck cleared his throat but he didn’t say anything back. Though, the last thing he’d want is Renjun giving Mark one hell of a confrontation.

 

Loving Mark was so, so difficult.

 

One second he would laugh with him, throwing his body and slapping Donghyuck from how hard he was laughing. He would give him some small snacks, that he didn’t need to buy for him but still did.

 

Then he’d push him away like he was some... disease. Like he didn’t want Donghyuck near him. The grimace he would wear and the discomfort he would display, it overwhelmed Donghyuck. 

 

And he’s done. He doesn’t want to love Mark anymore if it only caused a series of unfortunate events in both their lives.

 

He’s done. That’s what he’d thought.

 

He locked away his feelings, and acted like nothing happened, like everything was fine and normal. He still initiated skinship, he still teased Mark and pulled on his ears.

 

Donghyuck was done, finished, but when Mark held his hand on the beach... He felt those same butterflies in his stomach.

 

 _“Ugh.”_ Washis only thought. Mark’s ears were painted red, and that smile. That awkward, small smile he had as he tightened his grip.

 

His hands were a little rough, slightly bigger than Donghyuck’s. Sweaty and it felt a little gross, but Donghyuck didn’t think much of it. But he held on tight, like he didn’t want him to go anywhere.

 

_”Seriously?”_

 

Donghyuck muttered under his breath, turning away from Mark as soon as he bobbed his head up.

 

God sure is sadistic, isn’t he?

 

Just when he decided that he was finished with all that disgusting ‘feelings’ thing, Mark started making moves on him. Even staring at him with loving eyes when he thought Donghyuck wasn’t looking.

 

Buying him that milk-tea flavoured ice cream, holding his hand, laughing at his jokes like they were the funniest, Donghyuck hated it.

 

”Do I look like a joke to you?”

 

He said, his volume just a little above a whisper. Phone in his hand, thumb moving as he scrolled through his camera roll. 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Mark was crushed.

 

Actually, he was more than crushed, he was absolutely dead.

 

It had been an hour and a half since he’d woken up, yet he was still laying in bed, in the same position as when he woke up.

 

He could almost age the wooden planks above him from staring at them for so long with deadshot eyes.

 

Older members would occasionally peak into his room, sometimes they would whisper to each other and sigh.

 

In particular, Johnny had not once stepped foot into his room ever since the previous day. Mark really appreciated it but he was still too hung up to care.

 

No tears were shed, his chest didn’t hurt because he was rejected, but because his love literally hurt Donghyuck.

 

That was the first time he’s seen Donghyuck make such an expression.

 

”Hey, they’re calling you.”

 

Mark’s heart stopped.

 

He whipped his head to the door and saw _him_.

 

Donghyuck.

 

He eyed him, bobbing his head up and down and up and down. Donghyuck was _fine._ He didn’t have red, tired eyes like Mark, he didn’t seem like he was affected by the disaster that happened at all.

 

The younger quirked a brow at Mark, who snapped himself out of it by shaking his head violently. 

 

“A- Ah, yeah, I’ll be there in a sec.”

 

And Donghyuck left him alone with his thoughts again. It didn’t feel right. He was acting normal, like how he usually was, but it wasn’t _right_.

 

Why? _Why?_ _**Why?**_

 

”Are you not coming?”

 

Donghyuck yelled from the end of the hallway.

 

Mark blinked once. Twice. Thrice.

 

”Wait!”

 

He was just overthinking, wasn’t he?

 

 

 

-

 

 

Breakfast was hellish. 

 

If not for Taeyong and Doyoung's quarelling, a crushing awkward slience would have killed them. 

 

Mark picked on his food, lousily using his fork to pick up his ham, that would slip out of the fork's prongs. His emotions were a _mess_. Nodding his head, he couldn't stop himself from glancing at Donghyuck every now and then.

 

Jaehyun and Johnny picked up on him and Donghyuck, much to Mark's dismay, and they were not doing anything to make things better. They were making things _worse_. Johnny would eye the two of them with a concerned expression, noticing Donghyuck's attitude which was more cheerful than usual, and Mark's gloominess. Jaehyun was awkwardly laughing along Donghyuck, yet glancing at Mark while doing so.

 

How was he doing so well? 

 

It perplexed Mark more than anything.

 

When he was so harsh with his response, with how spiteful his eyes looked and how his voice literally trembled with rage and disgust, it would be nonsense if Mark's confession did not affect him at all. 

 

"Right, aren't the two of you going for recording today?"

 

Doyoung asked, hand still clawing on Taeyong's shirt. He let go, poor Taeyong going back to eating with a sulking expression. Worry was written all over his face and posture. Despite the fact that they had grown, Doyoung still made sure that they were responsible. Yet Mark twitched and Donghyuck's smile dissipated.

 

"We are?"

 

To Mark's surprise, Donghyuck turned to him with a shocked expression. Mark stared at him. How on earth could he forget something like that?

 

"What? Obviously?"

 

Mark answered back, wearing a confused expression. The other members all turned to Mark, and Donghyuck had a bit of an incredulous look. But Mark thought he didn't say anything wrong or even remotely offensive.

 

"Just a joke, no fun."

 

Donghyuck let out an airy chuckle and the older members joined in on the teasing. Mark paused. The fork in his hand almost slipped out as he froze and Johnny pulled him into a playful embrace, laughter being directed at him.

 

Of course it was a joke, just a small prank. Something that Donghyuck would always do. A typical reaction from the witty boy. And Mark, for the first time, didn't get it. It completely went over his head. Actually, the last time such a joke went over his head was years back... _when they had just met._

 

Mark felt a sharp pain in his chest.

 

_What is this?_

 

_We've turned into strangers._

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> party rockers in the house tonight... this isnt even the peak angst yet


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt proofread this at all... and warning: pretty anticlimatic? just a filler chap before the storm :)

Mark’s sanity was on the edge of the cliff, and the english radio blasting from the car was making it better, just a little. Perhaps Donghyuck mumbling along made him feel better, less awkward.

 

Ironic. He was worried about Donghyuck, yet he calmed himself down by listening to Donghyuck. When the radio host welcomed the listeners back, Donghyuck would follow, mumbling gibberish with words he didn’t know and repeating common words like ‘Welcome’ and ‘Greetings’.

 

Cute, Mark thought. The two of them were seated at the back while Johnny drived. Earlier, Donghyuck had gotten in the back first and Johnny gave him a look. It would be the obvious choice to sit with Johnny at the front but it would be lame to avoid Donghyuck when he’s acting normal.

 

”Be natural. It’s just seats.”

 

Patting his back, Johnny told him before he entered the car.

 

”...Monf.”

 

And Johnny couldn’t help but to chuckle. Donghyuck huffed. Mark turned to Donghyuck, expectantly. Curiousity caused his ears to perk up.

 

 

”...Mont.”

 

The younger signalled to Johnny, who only laughed harder in return. 

 

“Month?”

 

Mark said, with some sass. He quickly covered his mouth in surprise. With wide eyes, he glanced at Johnny as if he was asking for help. He didn’t mean to sound condescending.

 

But Donghyuck snorted. 

 

 

“Month.”

 

”Oh!”

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 Usually, Mark would be greeted warmly by the Dreamies. Coupled with some insults and snarky remarks, Mark could still tell that he was appreciated. Things never went too far.

 

Except when he arrived after a dreadful long walk with Donghyuck, he was met with hesitant, worried gazes. Chills went down his spine when he saw Renjun’s expression.

 

Small. He felt so small under such eyes. His fists were clenched tight and Mark could tell he was gritting his teeth with much force.

 

”Mark... You came with him?”

 

Feigning ignorance, Mark walked over to the empty spot beside Jaemin. He felt a tug on his sleeve and saw Jaemin looking up at him, signalling him to sit down and move closer.

 

”Well, yeah, we live in the same dorm.”

 

 A scoff was sent to Mark’s way for stating the obvious. He made eye contact with Jisung, who twitched and immediately looked away.

 

If he could he would have killed Jaemin right then and there.

 

”You told them, right? Actually, how did you even know?”

 

Jaemin had leaned in close enough for Mark to hear his breath hitch. He clenched his fists, but he bit his tongue before he could say anything that could hurt the younger.

 

He swiped his back to Jisung’s direction, only to make eye contact with Renjun’s bloodthirsty eyes. Donghyuck was beside him, and oddly enough, they weren’t talking at all.

 

But there was no bad energy between them. Renjun’s gaze intensified as he knitted his eyebrows closer and Mark quickly whipped his head back to Jaemin.

 

”Renjun told me.”

 

This time, Mark’s breath stuttered, almost sounding like a hiccup. His silent, dumbfounded gaze made Jaemin continue frantically.

 

”But that’s the only thing he told me! Nothing more. And well, I told Jeno and Jeno told Jisung and it spread. I really didn’t mean it.”

 

He paused. He felt Mark’s disappointment in him oozing and he felt more like trash, and to make matters worse for Mark, he said,

 

”...Sorry.”

 

‘Sorry’ not for spreading something personal, even though he did feel remorseful about it, but for the rejection Mark faced.

 

Mark yanked his head back with a grimace splashed across his face. His cheeks were starting to flush, out of rage and shame. It could just be Mark’s sensitivity and that Jaemin was saying it out of empathy, but Mark could only see it as pity, the last thing he needed.

 

He breathed heavily through gritted teeth, almost hissing.

 

Jaemin stared back at him, incredulous.

 

”Oh- I, I didn’t mean to start rambling about something personal.”

 

Still, he didn’t understand why Mark was so... disgruntled at what he said. But Mark was nice, he shrugged it off before anything could happen.

 

”It’s fine, I’m just... Yeah, I just, like... I’m still not over it.”

 

”Donghyuck!”

 

A voice from inside the studio called out, the producer was standing behind the half-open door with some papers in his hand. Donghyuck stood upright, glancing at Renjun before he left.

 

”Yes!”

 

Renjun looked back, his eyes softening with worry but Donghyuck was already inside the room. 

 

Awkward.

 

So awkward.

 

Every minute that passed seemed like an hour to Mark. In no time, he was desperate to distract himself from the stare that bore holes on his back, talking more than ever to Jaemin, to the point where Jaemin had no idea what he was talking about.

 

Until finally, Renjun’s foot tapped loud enough to break any conversation.

 

”Mark.”

 

”And then, he- he... he... Yes?”

 

His fake smile dropped immediately. Distant murmurs could be heard as Chenle and Jisung whispered into each other’s ears, while Jeno stopped scrolling through his phone to look at what was happening.

 

”Just what are you thinking?”

 

Renjun said again. His tone grew much more intimidating, threatening, as if he was ready to just strangle Mark.

 

Even Jaemin averted his gaze from Mark, but Mark could only gulp. 

 

“Sorry?”

 

The murmuring halted as the weight beside Chenle disappeared, and he looked up, eyes full of fear. Mark blinked and Renjun was suddenly looming over him, fists clenched, trembling from how tight his grasp was.

 

Out of instinct, Mark scooted back until his back almost merged with the sofa. When he blinked again, his head was suddenly yanked forward with enough force that it caused a sharp pain on his nape.

 

His eyes followed the hands that grabbed his collar, threatening to tear them, travelling along Renjun’s sleeves and when he reached his face, his loud, booming voice slapped him.

 

”What are you thinking?! Huh?! What were you thinking?! Just what do you think of him?!”

 

The younger screamed. His face was flushed red and his eyebrows were as furrowed as they can be, his nose scrunching and his forehead twisting. His eyes alone were full of fire. A scalding heat coated his words. 

 

He was so deep in fury that he could care less about hurting Mark, shaking him by the collar, pulling him back and forth as if that could make his words dig deeper into Mark’s brain.

 

Perhaps his anger was contagious, which would be why Mark felt his blood boil as well.

 

”That’s none of your business, isn’t it?!”

 

He spat back, and he felt the younger’s grasp tighten.

 

”None of my business?! He tells me everything, Mark! And you treat him like garbage! Like the plague! Like a toy!”

 

Clasping onto Mark’s shoulder as if he’s clawing it, Renjun shouted louder. His expression turned much more frustrated than angry, as if he was trying to explain something that was so easy to him but so difficult for Mark. 

 

Although taken aback, Mark didn’t fail to fight back relentlessly. He thought that Renjun was speaking nothing but nonsense. 

 

“I do not, I never did! Why would I ever do that?!”

 

The statement made Renjun so much more frustrated, so much more irritated that it all just morphed into some sort of twisted amusement. 

 

His eyebrows curved, now melancholic, as well as his eyes, drooping. Mark’s expression softened as well, confusion contorting it instead.

 

“You seriously don’t kn-“

 

”Everyone.”

 

Renjun halted in his words. 

 

Shame and Regret filled the atmosphere. The two stopped, paralyzed in fear as the door creaked open with the producer’s stern voice.

 

The instrumental was still playing in the background, Donghyucks head was poking out from behind the producer’s body. His smaller frame was hidden by the producer, his face couldn't be seen.

 

If the producer heard that, Donghyuck would have too. Once again, Mark can’t see his face, what expression he was having that moment. Sad? Disappointed that his closest friends were fighting? Frustrated at how Mark was oblivious?

 

“Renjun, Mark, until you guys have cleared your heads, we’ll postphone the recording.”

 

 Without another word, the door shut closed, the producer had better things to do like polishing up Donghyuck’s verse into perfection.

 

A faint “thank god” was heard from Jisung and that was the only thing that broke the silence.

 

The two stared at each other. They were in some kind of competition where the one who backed out first loses - well, knowing their huge balls of pride, they weren’t planning to do so any time soon.

 

Not even a single one of them moved, not even Jeno or Jaemin. It was supposed to be between Mark and Donghyuck, just them. So why were they so tense? They felt like their lungs were congested.

 

Mark held his breath. His blood was boiling, scathing under his veins. Chest tight and eyes wide but full of rage.

 

Whereas Renjun glared at him from his slightly angled down head with seemingly half-lidded eyes. He almost looked non-chalant but his clenched fists and popping veins said otherwise.

 

Then Mark remembered that he would have to endure a hellish ride back home with Donghyuck.

 

Finally, he darted his head away and everyone visibly relaxed. 

 

And Jaemin must have noticed it in his expression. 

 

“Mark, let’s go. Hyung will give us a ride.”

 

Jaemin said. Renjun whipped his head towards him, a little shocked but Jaemin’s pleading look was enough for him to understand.

 

The shorter boy huffed, sitting back down and joining Chenle and Jeno as if nothing happened.

 

”Alright.”

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

Once again, he had infiltrated the Dreamies’ dorm. 

 

The door is unlocked by Jaemin’s fingerprint, a beep emitting from the scanner as the lock opened. He was met with Kun, sipping on some tea as he read through his phone.

 

How refreshing he was. Mark had grown tired of nosy, meddling younger brothers and troublesome, worrying elders. He was just tired from everything and everyone. Too many things happened in such a short amount of time - in just a little less than two days.

 

Kun looked up from the sound of the door creaking open, politely putting his phone down to greet them with a soothing smile.

 

”Welcome back, had a good recording session?”

 

He questioned, still beaming a smile. It was easy to tell that Jaemin and Kun still weren’t that close. But who could blame him? Mark was also standing awkwardly beside Jaemin, avoiding eye contact with the older.

 

It was hard to be close with Kun. He wasn’t an asshole - he was too good. Yes, he liked to tease members too and make bad jokes, but they were too light for what Mark and the Dreamies do and say to each other. They felt like they were corrupting him.

 

Everyone except Chenle, Renjun and Jisung. The merciless trio, as Kun liked to refer to them as.

 

With an awkward bow, Mark followed Jaemin into the kitchen.

 

“Actually, about that...”

 

The rapper replied rather late. Kun looked at him for a second, blank, before turning back to blowing on his hot cup of tea.

 

”Oh. There’s always a next time.”

 

Amazing. And just like that the topic was changed, forgotten almost. Mark decided that Kun was definitely on the top of his ranking for the older members

 

Perhaps it was because of how they weren’t close at all, how there was no pressure to tell secrets, share every detail about each other. The need for constant reassurance, approval wasn’t really present either.

 

Yes, all Mark needed was a break.

 

Yet Renjun’s words seeped into his mind.

 

Renjun never got too angry, never. Annoyed, yes. Frustrated, yes. When Chenle gets too excited and starts screaming, Renjun would tackle him, shouting yet he had a smile on his face as he does so.

 

If Jisung were to break something again, because of his ridiculously long limbs, Renjun would punch his shoulders, nagging and scolding him, yet he laughs.

 

”Like a Toy”? _**No**_.

 

He thought of Donghyuck like fine jewellry, precious, too precious. 

 

Eventually, his fidgeting turned into picking on his nails, pinching his skin. Then his eyebrows furrowed along with the way his nails digged deep into his knuckles.

 

”Mark?”

 

Mark blinked and shifted his eyes to Kun.

 

And the way he didn’t have concern or pity in his eyes made him release all tension.

 

Purely faith.

 

”Things are going to be fine.”

 

The older smiled at him gently again, and Mark felt a similar type of grin crawl onto his face.

 

 

 

 

 -

 

 

 

Technically, it wasn’t his fault for sleeping, with all the soft, comfy pillows, air fresheners and peace. Ten may seem like a noisy member but in the dorm, all he did was relax and lay around... like a cat.

 

The place really seemed to have been meant for teenagers, or maybe even kids. Sweets and all kinds of snacks were everywhere, and Mark swore he saw a strawberry flavoured (kids) toothpaste in the bathroom. Card and board games rested in a shelf, clean from dust. Of course it was, playing them were their go-to source for decision making and bets; like whoever toppled the Jenga tower would have to wash the dishes. In conclusion, it felt like home.

 

But that was too much excuses for Mark dozing off on the couch like the trespasser he was.

 

Though,  was it his fault that he slept in until Renjun and the others came back? No.

 

The shorter sighed, averting his gaze from Mark’s intense one.

 

”Okay, I- I was being a bit moody.”

 

Renjun said, finally, albeit flustered and embarrassed.

 

”I was, too.”

 

Nodding, Mark ducked his head sheepishly.

 

”Cool?”

 

”Cool.”

 

Without a moment to spare, they reach out and shook their hands and Mark yanked his hand away as Renjun squeezed it tight.

 

”It wasn’t even that bad.”

 

But Mark whined in pain, still clutching his hand all while giving Renjun a scandalised look. Renjun giggled.

 

”Jokes aside, I did... mean what I told- what I said to you.”

 

Yeah, I know, but Mark held his tongue. Renjun took his lack of response as a cue to continue.

 

”It’s just that it all seems too... too weird? Strange, even. You used to act like getting touched by him is the last thing you want, and now all of a sudden you accept him? Even advancing. I don’t know, it’s just... It’s not right.”

 

Honestly, if Mark was Donghyuck’s best friend, Renjun would be his second in the ranking; which meant that whatever Mark didn’t know or couldn’t know, Renjun would. Renjun wouldn't say those words for no reason. 

 

Mark felt a few pricks of guilt hit him, but he stood his ground. After all, he still didn’t get it. He didn’t understand.

 

He waited a while, until Renjun heaved a heavy sigh. 

 

“I understand that but I still... like, I’m still unsure. Why is he acting like everything’s fine and normal, it’s weird. He’s so natural yet so stiff, I don’t know how to like, react to that. I feel like I don’t... I don’t know him anymore. And - and I do want to make things right but... Whatever I don't know."

 

”Mark...”

 

The grasp he had on the pillow tightened,  almost clawing at it as Renjun noticed. There was a sad, desperate underlying tone that went unnoticed and the hopelessness he felt oozed as he said the last sentence.

 

Eyes full of pity, Renjun tried to reach out to the now curling Mark, knees folding upwards as he buried his face into them. 

 

He wanted to comfort the older but he had nothing to offer. Nothing he was _allowed_ to offer.

 

Then, the doorbell rung and Renjun jumped.

 

Sniffing, Mark looked up to see Renjun open the door to talk to...

 

Donghyuck.

 

”Hyuck? Woah, you look exhausted.”

 

”Well... ha.... I... ha.... Did run here....”

 

_He ran here from the parking lot?_

 

_What for?_

 

 _“_ Yeah, I’m asking why.”

 

Bringing a hand to his hips, Renjun’s voice dripped with sass.

 

”To pick Mark up. He’s here, right?” 

 

Hell, he swore his heart rate doubled when he heard that.

 

”Wait.”

 

Much to his dismay but also fortunately, Renjun closed the door again, walking over to Mark with worry splashed all over his features.

 

He fiddled with the bottom of his shirt and Mark could only look at him with expecting eyes.

 

”Do you... want me to tell him you’re here?”

 

Oh god, he wasn’t sure either.

 

Confrontation was definitely Mark’s worst fear, especially when Donghyuck had the front-row seats to their little argument.

 

Then again, he had learnt his lesson from the times he had avoided Donghyuck.

 

Fuck it.

 

”Yeah, I’m fine.”

 

Renjun eyed him again. He quirked an eyebrow. He was visibly looking for any signs of discomfort in Mark, though he eventually sighed and dragged himself back to the door.

 

”Yeah, he’s here.”

 

”Mark Lee!”

 

When Renjun tilted his body for Donghyuck to enter, Mark stood up quick, unconsciously.

 

He didn’t bother addressing him as an older brother, shouting his name with the usual cheery tone he had.

 

Though Mark didn’t feel like correcting him.

 

Just before he could follow Donghyuck out the door, Renjun grabbed him by the shoulder, stopping him in his tracks.

 

”Mark, I just wanna say one last thing.”

 

Mark nodded his head once as signal to continue.

 

”Just... put yourself in his shoes for once.”

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

God sure loved playing pranks on him, huh?

 

Well, it wasn’t funny.

 

Being stuck with Donghyuck because the manager’s car broke down wasn’t funny. At all. Johnny being too busy to pick them up wasn’t funny either.

 

In short, they had to walk back to their dorms and Mark was not up for it at all. Yeah, the distance wasn’t so far, but the thought of walking along the streets with Donghyuck alone for thirty minutes? 

 

Terrifying.

 

As Mark slouched and dragged his feet, Donghyuck let out a whine and his thoughts shifted to the boy yet again.

 

Put yourself in his shoes, huh?

 

Still, it wasn’t so easy. He still had so many things he didn’t know or understand about Donghyuck. Why he chose to act like nothing happened between them, or why he was so grounded in acting natural when he wasn’t so good in it.

 

Why he rejected Mark when he would always try to kiss him and hug him.

 

Wait.

 

Mark paused in his steps.

 

Realisation soon hits him and it hurt like a bitch.

 

Perhaps after all the rejection and all the shoving he did towards Donghyuck’s need for skinship, his confession might’ve actually hurt Donghyuck.  

 

_You treat him like a toy._

 

Of course. Renjun was right, well, he was never wrong in the first place.

 

If the person he had always yearned for skinship with suddenly confessed to him, after pushing him away like ‘a disease’ ... he’d feel crushed. 

 

He’d feel like he was being played... like a toy.

 

A hand unconsciously made its way up to Mark’s chest and clutched it. His chest felt painful, it felt tight. Something was tugging on it. It hurt.

 

As he stared at Donghyuck’s back, he couldn’t help but to feel the guilt eat him up alive.

 

Perhaps he was an idiot. A moron. 

 

Realising that Mark wasn’t walking beside him, Donghyuck turned around and when their eyes met, the older flinched under his gaze.

 

”You’re so slow, Mark Lee~”

 

”Yeah, yeah.”

 

His heart swelled at the fact that Donghyuck was trying so hard to act like he felt nothing.

 

He glanced at the shorter, who had a small pout on his lips, an old habit that would appear whenever he spaced out. Cute.

 

The dots on Mark’s mind connects and he felt a little... hopeful. 

 

All that would mean that Donghyuck did like him, for him to (supposedly) feel like a toy. Not a very good source material, but Mark still felt a little happy. Just a little. Since he knew that he _might_ have a chance.

 

All he needed to do was make his feelings clear. Though skinship was not recommended as it proved to make Donghyuck suspicious and hurt. He just had to love. In a Mark way.

 

At that moment Donghyuck sneezed, followed by visibly shivering. Seriously, who told him to wear short-sleeves during winter?

 

Mark sighed, shrugging his own jacket off to plop them down lousily on Donghyuck’s shoulders. The twitch in his expression went unnoticed.

 

”I-It’s cold.”

 

He reasoned, averting his gaze from the surprised Donghyuck, who clutched on the jacket.

 

An awkward silence lingered and Mark felt guilt bubble inside him again. What if Donghyuck felt played again? Oh god, it was too late. Oh god, he was idiot. Oh-

 

“Really, Mark? I actually thought it was getting hot.”

 

A very Donghyuck response.

 

A smile crept onto his lips at the sarcastic reply of the younger. Both of them heard the silent ‘thank you’ from it. 

 

And they started walking again.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Despite being way too tense at first, the week went by fast and actually, pretty well.

 

Donghyuck had gotten less stiff and the tension between them reduced greatly. They were back to playfully bickering with each other. Something Mark missed a lot.

 

During practice, Mark had stayed back to help Donghyuck with some steps he needed improvement on.

 

Playing the leader and big brother role, he clapped his hands to imitate the song’s beat, along with his shouts of ‘1, 2, 3 and 4’. 

 

His moves was unique. Donghyuck’s dancing style was very detailed, precise. Not harsh and strong like Jaehyun and Yuta. Not soft and gentle like Taeil. He moved almost like silk, smooth, fluid yet sharp. 

 

Expressions played a big part of dancing for them, and Donghyuck was one of the best at it. He didn’t need to do anything extra to get a fierce gaze or a bright smile. In Mark’s opinion, he was the best dancer in NCT, but he would never say it out loud... unless given the chance.

 

”Okaay!”

 

He yelled, and Donghyuck stopped.

 

His tone displayed how proud he was of Donghyuck, and the younger beamed at this.

 

”That was really great, Donghyuck. Keep it up.”

 

He said, in his big brother tone. 

 

“Well, of course. I’m _the_ Haechan.”

 

Yet another very Donghyuck response. Mark rolled his eyes, but he erupted into a giggling fit.

 

And they were back at the recording studio.

 

Renjun and him made sure to make a big show of them high fiving the moment they meet, and Jisung and Jeno visibly relaxed.Renjun faced Jaemin expectantly, who smiled brightly in return. He truly was happy that they made up.

 

“What? I thought Haechan’s done?”

 

Chenle asked and Donghyuck scoffed.

 

”Of course I’m gonna polish my lines up.”

 

”Oyy~!”

 

The team teased. Jeno pointing finger guns at Donghyuck while Jisung imitated a gag.

 

”You hardworking scumbag! How diligent!”

 

Renjun took hold of poor unsuspecting Donghyuck and placed him into a chokehold, with Donghyuck intentionally making choking sounds. Meanwhile Mark was dying from laughter. His knees were reddening from how much he’s been slapping them.

 

 

 

”Here. From hyung.”

 

Mark muttered, pushing the bottle against Donghyuck’s shoulder.

 

The cold temperate made him jolt a little, though he grabbed it and smirked at Mark.

 

”Who? You? Aw, thank you, Markie~”

 

 “Seriously... The manager, of course!"

 

Donghyuck pushed his lips out, making kissy noises as Mark rolled his eyes. No shut ups, no glares. After all, Mark had accepted it, months ago after their big fight. A very Mark-like action and response. They were back. Honestly, if Mark wasn’t so dumb, there wouldn’t have been any problems in the first place. 

 

If he just started being more honest... 

 

“They’re... getting along aren’t they?”

 

At  the other end of the room, Jaemin nudged Renjun. Voice low as to not get his ass kicked by a certain Canadian. 

 

Renjun slurped on his drink, practicing a few ‘Ah’s and ‘Oh’s. When given the choice of either protecting your throat for maximum quality or drinking sickeningly sweet, limited milk tea, Renjun chose the latter. 

 

Jaemin so badly wanted to nag at him, but he resisted.

 

“Huh? They always had. There was just that weird tension between them last time. They still have it, just a tiny bit lesser.”

 

Renjun responded. He said that yet his eyes were filled with satisfaction and relief.

 

“True.” 

 

_All of the tension would have dissipated if they could just be honest with each other  and with himself._

 

Renjun bit his lip, the words were never said but Jaemin could still hear them. And he agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i had to change up the story A LOT, hence the delay ... so im very sorry as the chapter is very mellow also im planning to publish a new fic with vamp hyuck and abo (sfw) ...


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Proofreading suddenly doesnt exist idk .. i rly needed to publish this chap fast so ill edit the errors by tmr ,, sorry sorry

Mark’s thumb hovered over the green button on the screen. Mind riddled with ‘Should I?’s and ‘Don’t’s.

 

Then he shut his eyes closed, silently praying for God to be on his side, just this once. And he pressed his screen.

 

”Yes, Mark?”

 

A cheery voice greeted him from the other side. Oh, he could feel his heart race and his breath stutter. He held a hand to his chest as he greeted Donghyuck back, mimicking his happy tone.

 

”Oh, Donghyuck. I was gonna ask you what you wanted for ice cream. Jeno said he wanted vanilla and...”

 

A white lie, he wasn’t even outside. He was over at the Dream’s dorm, which was unusually empty. With only Chenle and Jisung shut in their rooms. 

 

Mark paused, the hand on his chest clutched onto his shirt. A thick gulp went down his dry throat.

 

He’d forgotten. That was until Renjun and Jaemin pulled him into a weird meeting, asking him how things were going. Nothing much to say, things were going well but he didn’t really want them to continue as is.

 

He didn’t want to continue being “friends” with secrets and forced smiles. They were back but it wasn’t real. They were back but Donghyuck didn’t shine as much.

 

Perhaps Mark started to wilt under the artifical light Donghyuck gave out. 

 

Mark bit his lip, he knew the pause went on for too long. 

 

“...and I wanted to ask this: What do you feel for me?”

 

No matter how many times Donghyuck tried to drop honorifics with him, Mark would turn him down, but he never told Donghyuck that it was to keep having him as a cute little brother.

 

Whenever Mark would turn down Donghyuck’s requests to see movies, it was because he didn’t feel the need to do such things. He was already happy with their small movie nights in the dorms. 

 

 

And it all went back to the same question. What did Donghyuck feel when such things happen? What were his thoughts? 

 

A light chuckle broke the silence and Mark’s rampaging mind.

 

”Soulmate!”

 

 Mark’s heart skipped a beat. 

 

“Oh... Okay.”

 

Yet he couldn’t stop himself from sounding a little happy. But the other line went silent. Until a deep exhale cut through.

 

”You’re right. I should stop.”

 

Donghyuck’s tone was serious, deeper than his usual pitch. It was real, _raw._ Mark unconsciously held the phone closer to his ear, his grip tightening. The younger’s breath hitched, like a hiccup and a sob mixed together.

 

”I think you’re heartless.”

 

Mark inhaled sharply. He couldn’t go down when he finally got Donghyuck to be honest.

 

”Why? I’d never hurt you, Donghyuck.”

 

He meant it, he really did. Though his only response was a light, hollow chuckle. And that made Mark’s heart sink.

 

”...Have you had dinner yet?”

 

A cue to stop. Mark gritted his teeth.

 

”Come on, Donghyuck.”

 

”It would be a waste if you already did! Taeyong and Doyoung did a collab for dinner-“

 

”Donghyuck-“

 

”The shrimps were so good and-“

 

”Haecha-“

 

”I felt so full-“

 

”Listen!”

 

As soon as the shout escaped his lips, Mark put a hand on his mouth. Shocked that he’d yell at Donghyuck like that.

 

His thumb fidgetted over the red button, he didn’t want to torture himself listening to Donghyuck’s silence.

 

”Vanilla.”

 

”What?”

 

”You were going to ask me what I wanted for ice cream, right?”

 

”Yeah- I-“

 

The call ended and Mark stood dumbfounded as the fake ringing echoed through his ears. Well, shit. 

 

He slumped against the sofa, back merging with the softness of it. Like all strength had left him, his hand dropped to a spot beside his body, bouncing back from the impact. Lifeless.

 

While he stared into the distance - mind empty and hollow - a door squeaked open and a certain light-haired individual popped his head out.

 

”Mark hyung?”

 

Chenle asked, carefully walking towards the defeated rapper.

 

Jisung must have sensed some telepathic message as he opened his door and followed behind Chenle.

 

Mark shook his head. He couldn’t allow himself to be so weak in front of his younger brothers.

 

”Yeah? Need anything?”

 

He smiled, bittersweet. Chenle almost grimaced at how fake it was.

 

”No, I heard a shout so I came.”

 

Jisung nodded, implying that he felt the same. Unconsciously touching his mouth, Mark gave a hollow chuckle.

 

”Really? I’m good, I just heard some weird news. Johnny, that hyung’s strange!”

 

”It’s about Haechan, right?”

 

Asked Jisung bluntly. And Chenle punched his arm, whispering something in his ears with spite. Probably a “Stop” or “What are you doing, idiot?”

 

But Mark just stared at him, all wide-eyed, before chuckling again and scratching his nape.

 

What could he do? He lied enough for the night.

 

”It is.”

 

* * *

 

 

Number One most common mistake: Falling for Chenle’s angelic charm and listening to him. Accumulated victims: Kun(still falls for it), Sicheng, Taeyong and Mark. 

 

When Mark could’ve been resting and eating snacks, he was stuck inside the practice room, with no means of escape. Word had gotten to the rest of the Dreamies which meant no good. At all.

 

They had promised each other that they were going to have a small dancing session together, and when Mark met them outside, he was pushed inside the room and the door was shut tight. 

 

With Jaemin and Jeno holding the door back, Mark would have no way busting it open to escape. The door clicked and Mark knew he was in for a torture.

 

On the bright side, he was alone in a huge practice room. No managers either. 

 

Even though he was supposed to rest easy that day, he would never pass up an opportunity to brush up some moves. The Dreamies would probably call him a tryhard.

 

Taking a few vitamin tablets, he did some basic stretching. Thumbing his phone, connecting it to a speaker that had been rotting in his bag, he was all set.

 

”What are you-“

 

”Just get in! Go! Get in!”

 

”I- What?!”

 

”Shut up and go!”

 

The door slammed close, albeit with a lot of giggling and wheezing from the other side. Mark whipped his head up at the commotion, and made eye contact with Donghyuck. Donghyuck who was all cozy in his sweater and cap, but had an expression of a deer in the headlights.

 

The silence was deafening, that Mark cleared his throat. Once. Twice. Pretending like he was chill and all that nonsense. 

 

Donghyuck’s shoulders relaxed a little, averting his gaze from Mark who seemed to beckon him to talk. As Mark tied his shoelaces, his background music was Donghyuck groaning and cursing as he tried to push the door open and somehow unlock it.

 

He did get a teasing, obnoxious laughter from Chenle on the other side.

 

Sighing in exasperation, he finally turned back to Mark, taking a deep breath as he walked towards the older who was busy pretending to be focused.

 

”Wasn’t it a rest day today? You sure work hard, don’t you?”

 

Questioned Donghyuck, pulling out his phone. Mark hummed.

 

”It was but I got trapped in here by those devils.”

 

”True.”

 

”So why not? I’m not gonna sit here and wait.”

 

Donghyuck ‘ooh’-ed monotonously. Mark quirke a brow at him. It was a rest day for all of them, how or why did he even go to the practice room in the first place?

 

”In my case, those kids told me that I had some business here.”

 

The younger scoffed and Mark giggled. Though, he couldn’t help but feel disappointed that Donghyuck didn’t come for him. 

 

Though, it was painfully obvious. The elephant in the room only grew bigger as time went on with the two sitting in awkward silence. They weren’t dumb. They knew why they were probably stuck in the room together.

 

Yeah, yeah, get the two who obviously have tension between them and lock them together in a room, forcing them to talk and work things out and voila! A happy couple!

 

...Except things weren’t that easy.

 

Mark stopped dancing, his limbs stuttering as Donghyuck let out a shaky exhale. As he walked towards the door, he ducked his head so that Mark wouldn’t see how he looked and he wouldn’t have to make eye contact.

 

”Sorry, I really can’t.”

 

He whispered to the older as he brushed past him, knocking on the door as loud and as many times as he could. Whereas Mark could only nod to himself, a sad yet knowing smile on his lips. 

 

The knocking turned desperate and into banging. Enough until the door opened and Donghyuck was met with a worried Renjun and a regretful Jaemin.

 

”What happened? Are you okay? Are both of you fine?”

 

Asked Jaemin, voice dripping with shame and worry. Donghyuck exhaled and smiled apologetically.

 

”Look, I don’t think I can do this. Sorry, dreamies-“

 

”Wait!”

 

And Mark had ran to him. With a sharp tug on his wrist, Donghyuck spun and was faced with Mark. They stare at each other in silence, drowning in their presence and their facial expressions.

 

The door closed again but with no click.

 

Mark gulped as he took in Donghyuck’s expression. Pained, but hidden so lousily that it was almost laughable. 

 

“I’m really sorry for this, Donghyuck. But please, let me be selfish for a bit.”

 

”Mark, I really-“

 

”I know! I’m sorry!”

 

 Still, he didn’t let go of Donghyuck’s wrist which the other had tried to pull back. Instead, he tightened his grasp, sincerity overflowing from him.

 

He meant all of his words, he really did. And he was selfish, but he was not about to pass up the chance to make things right.

 

Donghyuck averted his gaze to avoid Mark’s intense eyes, pursing his lips as he did so. Mark brightened up as soon as Donghyuck let himself be pulled by Mark.

 

”...Okay.”

 

Even though he was almost stuck to the door, Donghyuck obligued to sit down with Mark. Mark, who despite acted so bold, was now awkward and timid. 

 

Well, he was always like that. 

 

“Why? How am I heartless?”

 

A signature hollow chuckle. 

 

“Hah, you’re really starting off so strongly.”

 

”Oh- I- My bad.”

 

Mark whispered and Donghyuck quirked a brow. His breath shook as he opened his mouth to speak again. 

 

“...Guess.”

 

And Mark whipped his head up, giving him an incredulous look. Yet, he obeyed, albeit a little stiff.

 

He started to fidget with his fingers, ever so often he would pinch the bridge of his nose - a habit that comes out when he is flustered, a habit that Donghyuck’s all too familiar with.

 

Throat dry, voice croaky, he replied.

 

”I played you.”

 

His tone dripped with raw shame and remorse. Donghyuck should have felt satisfied, but he only felt more restrained. He pursed his lips again, looking somewhere other than Mark.

 

Mark knew he acknowledged his answer, but that didn’t mean it was correct or wrong. His silence beckoned for him to continue so he mustered more courage.

 

His nails poked into the skin of his knuckles.

 

”I played you. I pushed you and gave you... _that_.”

 

Donghyuck’s shoulders twitched at the mention. Mark eyed him as he placed a hand on his back, where the mark probably was. 

 

“I pretended to be sick to... to not... see you. I was an asshole. I’m sorry. It’s all on me.”

 

”It’s not.”

 

Donghyuck shot back, voice threateningly close to a yell. Mark gave him a surprised look, with those wide, puppy eyes and agape mouth.

 

His eyes flashed back to Mark - finally. A breath that Mark never knew he was holding escaped his lips.

 

Donghyuck felt his ears flare up at the words he was about to say.

 

”It’s not _just_ you. Not only do I force skinship upon you, I always run away from you, you know? Even though you hate skinship, I still...”

 

”I... Honestly, I don’t hate it.”

 

”Huh?”

 

 He held his mouth agape, his bunny teeth showing staring at the nape of Mark and equally red ears.

 

Donghyuck gulped. A weird combination of feelings swirled around inside him, and it felt warm - comfortable even. Mark’s hand dropped from his neck, clenching it on his thigh though he still didn’t dare to meet Donghyuck’s eyes.

 

”...Okay, I...”

 

He paused, slowly turning back to Donghyuck who looked at him with big, puppy eyes. He bit his lip.

 

Nervous, not really. He was just... a little scared. Scared that he’ll just complicate things even more. Though, when he looked down at Donghyuck’s eyes, he sighed in resolution.

 

”I hated it, you know? Honestly, I was really not up for... for like... liking guys, boys, whatever. I don’t know it’s just... It seemed wrong and gross and out of this world and... and yeah. I really didn’t...”

 

He halted, ducking his head as he felt his eyes sting. 

 

“...I really didn’t take it well. So, I acted like an asshole because I hated how I- It just never happened before. I’ve never liked... a guy.”

 

”I see.”

 

They indulged in comfortable silence for a while and Mark felt so much lighter, so much brighter. He knew Donghyuck was hesitating - thinking his words over a thousand times, hence the silence.

 

Looking back, he really was like a naïve child. Throwing something like tantrums, getting into jealousy fits and acting rash. His thoughts stopped as Donghyuck cleared his throat.

 

”I’ve liked you ever since you got that ramen hair.”

 

The younger huffed a breathy laugh to himself and Mark smiled slightly.

 

”Not because of the hair, I just realised it during that time. At first, it was kind of just teasing but then it ... yeah. But I was convinced you weren’t like _that._ Actually, I thought you hated such a thing. When I see you watch Doyoung and Jaehyun... Taeyong and Ten... Thought it was disgust.”

 

”Wha-“

 

He was about to retort. Tell him that he’d never thought that, not even once, but Donghyuck was quick to send him a look.

 

He looked up ahead, pursing his lips ever so often, trying to dig his nails into his pants. Donghyuck was _nervous_. Vulnerable, for once.

 

”So, honestly, I gave up. It wasn’t right, liking someone who would never like you back.”

 

Then came the sure of guilt and remorse for Mark. He bit his lip, taking in Donghyuck’s glistening eyes and trembling lips.

 

It was real. The moment was real, raw. They were both just sitting next to each other in a dead-silent room, with closed doors and everything. The dreamies had probably left too, they still had the basic respect to give them privacy after all. And they were there, shoulder to shoulder, in their most vulnerable state.

 

Donghyuck, who was tough and had a strong personality, who was sassy and witty, was close to tears, fidgetting about and talking in a low, serious, calm volume.

 

Mark, a capable, reliable, mature leader who was passionate and never cried, was also feeling the sting in his eyes. 

 

“I gave up, I was determined about that, yeah? Then, all of a sudden, you were doing those things, and it would get harder and harder to give up. Then, you’d push me away and pull me back again and again. And when you told me... I felt so crushed.”

 

It stung his chest. How Donghyuck’s tone started to rush and threaten into shouting, how he was starting to sniff and sob but he persisted against tears. 

 

He reached a timid hand out to Donghyuck, who ducked his head, but he pulled it back to his chest.

 

”I...”

 

” _I” what? I’m sorry?_

 

He clenched his fist tight, looking at Donghyuck helplessly. Sorry? What was he supposed to say at that moment? Then, he heard Donghyuck’s exhale stutter. He wouldn’t apologise. It wasn’t what Donghyuck needed at that moment.

 

”I understand.”

 

And a tear finally drops from Donghyuck’s eyes and even though he saw it coming, Mark still couldn’t help but panick. After all, his biggest weakness was Donghyuck crying. He flailed about, rummaging through his bag, not noticing Donghyuck finally looking in his direction.

 

When he handed him the pack of tissues, Donghyuck just stared back, examining him and his gesture.

 

”P-Please... Don’t... Don’t cry.”

 

He said, just a little above a whisper and Donghyuck's breath hitched again. 

 

“I'm... thanks."

 

With timid hands, he took the pack, embarrassment creeping up on his face so he averted his gaze as he sniffed and let out sighs. Still, Mark couldn't settle himself down, and he couldn't believe he was going to do what he was about to. He bit his lips and put an arm around Donghyuck's shoulders, pulling him a little closer.

 

First, Donghyuck whipped his head back at him, with a look that was definitely more than shock or suprise, then he pursed his lips and rest his head on Mark's. He felt Mark jump a little, and he scoffed.

 

"You suck at hugging."

 

Donghyuck wasn't crying anymore, and it was starting to get a little awkward for it started to seem like some cuddling session. Indulging in the warmth Mark gave and how reliable his whole being is, Donghyuck didn't notice how stiff Mark went. Yeah, he initiated it, but then what? Was he supposed to pet his hair? Whisper comforting words? He wasn't crying anymore, so...

 

And their moment gets thrown out the window as the door busted open with a feral Renjun and a sneering Jaemin. The two of them screeched, quickly getting out of each other's embrace and space.

 

"Wow... We were so worried because you were taking too long..."

 

"...and you were having a soft, cuddle session!"

 

Jaemin said, in that annoying, cutesy accent while Renjun mocked how awkward they were. 

 

"We weren't!"

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly speaking, this fics a mess . i made it as a trial and error kind of thing to test out how id write nct members and markhyucks dynamics so i know its not the best but i hope yall would stay until the end


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